Sorry you are feeling so down....It must be hard when you are both living such obviously full lives. Still I have to think you two need to have a real heart to heart. I have definitely sensed from you in the last few months that you are more than a little ambivalent about moving forward and please know that when I write that I completely understand why you would feel that way. I think in particular I remember how his kids made you feel and how that put a damper on things for you. I just get the feeling that the two of you arent communicating in real time. Kind of like he is saying something to you and you are reacting internally for a while before you react for real. I think this could be really damaging when it comes to long commitments. I feel like if he starts talking about ten years from now - to me, you should immediately put your reaction out there. i.e. " When we talk about ten years from now, I can feel myself shut down because my brain is having trouble figuring out how we are going to mesh now, and next year and while the kids are still home. I want and need to talk about that" Because really once that is talked through and it makes sense to both of you, dont you think you would be more or less ok with the ten years from now daydreaming. Then it is seen as daydreaming and not just avoiding the present in favor of planning the future. It sounds like he does want a future with you and just isnt good at mapping it out in a way that makes you feel involved and secure. Some guys are like that. And I wonder - are you thinking about going to school again whether or not you guys start truly living together in the near future or are you thinking of it because you would need the financial security envisioning life on your own without him? If you are engaged and planning a future ( no matter how productive or scattered chronologically those talks might seem to you) it makes sense that your schooling and even the decision to buy a new car would be something for the two of you to discuss together. Not to say he should have a yes or no say in any matter but just that you are preparing as an engaged couple to spend the rest of your lives together and those types of decisions will require some support/participation/input from one another. Do you want to be living together in the next year or are you feeling like youa re shying away? I hope these questions arent too nosy! I was just concerned reading your post!
I can understand though, that if he kept insinuating that he wanted to move along with the relationship, but its YOU with kids - & he's not willing to bend, then maybe it isnt a good idea to wait for him.
You definitely don't need a guy that is going to change his mind like a woman every 5 seconds(hehehe. I thought that would make you laugh!). Definitely get a clear concise answer from him! What is it with THIS summer? Strange shifting in non-commitments it seems. How many have discussed the issue this week on the board? 3 and I had my own thing two months ago that bummed me out.
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I just get the feeling that the two of you arent communicating in real time. Kind of like he is saying something to you and you are reacting internally for a while before you react for real. I think this could be really damaging when it comes to long commitments. I feel like if he starts talking about ten years from now - to me, you should immediately put your reaction out there. i.e. " When we talk about ten years from now, I can feel myself shut down because my brain is having trouble figuring out how we are going to mesh now, and next year and while the kids are still home. I want and need to talk about that" Because really once that is talked through and it makes sense to both of you, dont you think you would be more or less ok with the ten years from now daydreaming. Then it is seen as daydreaming and not just avoiding the present in favor of planning the future.
It sounds like he does want a future with you and just isnt good at mapping it out in a way that makes you feel involved and secure. Some guys are like that.
And I wonder - are you thinking about going to school again whether or not you guys start truly living together in the near future or are you thinking of it because you would need the financial security envisioning life on your own without him? If you are engaged and planning a future ( no matter how productive or scattered chronologically those talks might seem to you) it makes sense that your schooling and even the decision to buy a new car would be something for the two of you to discuss together. Not to say he should have a yes or no say in any matter but just that you are preparing as an engaged couple to spend the rest of your lives together and those types of decisions will require some support/participation/input from one another.
Do you want to be living together in the next year or are you feeling like youa re shying away? I hope these questions arent too nosy! I was just concerned reading your post!
Sweetie - Nothing is a waste. Rember that.
I can understand though, that if he kept insinuating that he wanted to move along with the relationship, but its YOU with kids - & he's not willing to bend, then maybe it isnt a good idea to wait for him.
Isys, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
Wow!!
Yeah we "discussed" it last night. LOL.
He makes 3x more than I do, that's the part that kills me!!!
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