Silly, Impossible Crush.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Silly, Impossible Crush.....
6
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:19pm

So, I've been separated for about 6 months or so.

I have not dated at all yet. I have not even tried.

Earlier this year, when the separation was looming but the words had not been spoken yet--I developed a crush on one of my buyers..(I sell new homes in a subdivision)

This crush kind of served as a catalyst for moving forward with the separation. For the first time in 20 years I was having feelings for another man. Adult feelings!
Now, I never, EVER gave any inkling to this buyer of mine that I had the hots for him. And he never gave me any reason to believe he thought of me as anything other than his agent. We talked some...he shared some of his life with me and I just let myself have my little crush on him, figuring once he moved into his house I would be done with it. No harm, no foul. I was still married...wearing my ring...talking about my husband. Not that he even cared one way or the other that I was married--but I carried myself that way.

Outwardly at least!

The stupid, ridiculous thing is that I am still thinking of this guy 6 months later. Now that I am separated I want so badly to be able to talk with him, just see him! I occassionally see him--I take clients out and have to pass his house on the way--and we share the occasional wave--but that's it.

I know this is an exercise in futility, as I will never make my feelings known to him, fearing the rejection. And he obviously not interested in any sort of contact with me.

I feel exactly like I used to in high school. I think I'm a bit stunted in this area...being with my husband for so long. This unrequited stuff really sucks!

Just felt like venting. Anyone have any experience in this sort of thing? I am hoping I will meet someone to make me shake this guy.

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:35pm
Hi its Dawn again. No one really wants to be alone. I dont think you really like this guy I think subconscicously he gave you the strength inside to believe that other people find you interesting and attactive because your ex husband wasnt giving you those feelings. Reassurance that you would not be alone if you left is what this guy actually gave you and didnt even know it or mean too. See since we have spent our whole life with a man we tend to beleive that this validates us. A lesson that takes time to overcome. Its natural. You would be really disappointed with this guy that you are crushed on because he is oblivious to what has occurred. Just smile when you see him and if he is interested he will pursue. Hold your chin up and know that you are a beautiful independant woman whose is also courageous for deciding to take charge of her happiness and live her life to the fullest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:41pm
I agree - your message is well written! Thanks for contributing it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 11:24pm

I don't think it's silly at all!


But I think you need to realize that it's not this GUY in particular that you're crushing on, it's the FEELING of all butterflies that you experienced that you're longing for again!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 1:34am

Thanks for replying everyone!

I think it is true that it really did start out as a needed diversion. It was so great feeling alive like that again--and having fantasies and such. It had been such a long time.

I'd like nothing more than to quit thinking about him, especially since the man I have manufactured him to be in my head is probably NOTHING like he really is. When I was working with him, he talked about his recent divorce. I recall thinking he was not over his ex yet, that she had hurt him. Definitely that he had ex wife issues, though. Which is why it is so twisted that I am still thinking about him after all this time.

I need a man...lol!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 4:53pm

Crushes are good and fun. I had a few crushes on guys when I was single and looking. It's a fun daydream kind of thing. Embrace the crush (don't act on it) and let it run its course. After a while, you will lose interest in the crush and it won't be painful at all to let go of those "feelings" for that guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 11:03am

I really would love nothing more than to let go of my feelings for this guy. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why am I obsessing on a man I have not even spoken to for 6 months? It feels embarrassing and ridiculous. I have built him up to some fantasy figure in my head, when in reality, he probably would fall short of my expectations.

Not to mention he does not know that I exist.

I hate this...