Single mom and trying to date
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Single mom and trying to date
| Thu, 05-24-2007 - 11:52pm |
Hello all, I haven't been on here in a while but I thought I would get on and say hi and I'm having dating problems. I have been single since Januray. I had a wonderful giy in my life, and then he realized that he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was very hurt, I was falling in love with him, so it made it very hard. Anyways, I've been having a difficult time dating. Every guy that comes around is way to old like 38-46, I'm only 21. I don't know what to do. Every time I talk to a guy and tell them I'm a mom or when I do tell them they are gone in a flash. Do I go for the older guys or what. Help, I don't know what to do???

Hello Sandra,
Good to have you back. Sorry to hear of the woes that brought you here, though.
I think younger women have it hard because there are a lot of guys but not many that want to settle down with one woman. And older women have it hard because the dating pool has receded and there are not many choices.
It is a numbers game in the end. The more people you meet, the better chance you have of meeting the right one. Chances are the men who are running would not have wanted more than a hook up especially given your age. I do not think you should have to feel like you are dating a much older man just to get a match.
Have patience my friend. Get out and have fun and make your life so great by itself that you don't feel lonely too much. One of these days soon you are going to meet the man who loves you just the way you are - and even more so that you are a mom.
I don't know if going to school can be an option - but that is an excellent way to meet more people in your age group and get out of the house.
Remember, you are young and at a great point in your life. Being a mom only makes it more special. Enjoy what you have now and know that you have the rest of your life to meet the right person. Don't waste time - be all you can be.
I think the advice to just have fun is the best advice ever. You'll find that once you start doing the things you enjoy the focus goes from what you don't have to what can ADD to your life.
Keep the faith though and get out and have some fun :)
I'll sing backup choir to West.
Hi Sandra,
I can certainly relate to your story- just add 9 years to your age :)
If you're still really hurt over the break up, then take a little more time and establish yourself a new routine- one full of time with family and friends so you feel supported and not lonely.
Sorry I posted to your other discussion before I read this one. Wow, only since January and you're 21. You're young and have sooooo much time to look and date around to find the next one. Yeah, old guys like the young chicks!!! Be aware of some of them (rule out the creepy ones!). Not all of them are bad. My guy is 40 and I'm 28, yes, 12 years older. There are definitely advantages of dating an older man.
-Vanessa
I certainly don't want people to think I'm all for dating older guys!!! I'm not, I guess what I really wanted to say is to keep your options open. I wasn't expecting the guy I'm dating now to be 12 years older than me. For me I have an age limit. I won't date anyone younger than me and no one who is over 40 (I'm 28). Keep your options open. Date an older guy(if you want) see if they are for you, if not, scale back. You'll have fun going on dates!!! The more you date, the quicker you'll be able to tell if they will be a second date! Since you are 21, I think guys in their early 30's would be fun??? Just my opinion. Have fun dating!!!
-Vanessa
When I was 21, my DD was around 2 years of age. Dating was not IMPOSSIBLE but it definitley not easy. Like it was easy to get the first date but it rarely went beyond that once the guy got a shot of reality of dating a single mom. Heck, I was even stood up a couple of times. It was hard. I think I cried more over relationships in my early 20s than I did in my whole life!
I'll be 30 in a couple of months and now things have changed. Many of the guys out there that are my age are alot more open to the fact that I have a child. Sure, you meet the occasional loser who is disapointed that I am not a untouched virgin without a past, but those people are dillusional im my opinion and I don't waste more than a passing thought on them.
At 21, I think the best thing I did was focus on my friendships (both male & female) and cultivating life long relationships with people that I enjoy being around. There is no bigger distraction from being single and lonely than being single and enjoying life!
Another tip is to be upfront with every guy you begin to date. The way I would approach it is this way:
You: "Do you have children?"
DATE: "Nope, how about you?"
You: "Yes I have an awesome DD/DS. He/She is (insert age) and lives with me."
If he is mature, he'll be cool with it. If he's not, cut him loose.
-adc
-almostdoesntcount
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