Single Mom dating - help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Single Mom dating - help
2
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:40pm

Hi,

I am a single mom who's been a widow for over 1 year. I have two children-3 1/2 yrs old and 9 mths. I recently met this amazing guy through an online service. We've seen each other 3 times and chat online daily, between 2-5 hrs. All in all we've "known" each other for 1 month. He doesn't have children. He knows I do. He also lives 1 1/2 hr away from me. We are in sync with each other it is surreal at times. We've talked about everything and anything except my children. I mentioned this the last time we were together and he figured I didn't want to talk about them. It is true, in a way, but I also asked if he had any questions and he doesn't. What I want to know is...where do I take it from here? It is challenging to juggle seeing each other because I have children. I really really like him. I don't want to sound desperate or scare him off but should I suggest him meeting my kids? Should we discuss the future and our expectations towards each other? I am trying to enjoy the moments but in the back of my mind, I am anxious of the unknown. I can do long distance for a while--If I am really into someone, it is worth the wait in between. But, can he? Since he doesn't have children, how will he deal with it? I need guidance in a desperate way. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 3:11pm

My first thought is that it is okay if it is a challenge to see him because of the kids. I don't think you should give in for him to meet them until you feel more settled about where it will go. In a way this is like a test to see how he does with all of it over time. Time is the only thing that will tell you - if he is into you he won't mind the distance and in time you two will figure it out. When you feel like he is here to stay then sure he can meet the kids and it will be easier to spend more time.

You can also get a sitter and try to find family and friends that can help with the kids so you get a little more time.

Keep us posted! Welcome to our board - we are happy to help and hope you stick around!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 3:42pm
This is the initial crazy about each other stage where you can't get enough of each other. No matter if you have children or not, long distance will be a challenge. However, with you having the children and he not having any, I would be quicker to consider having him make more effort to see you, verses the other way around and I would consider asking him if he is open to eventually moving closer to you. You never said how old either of you are? That makes a difference. Having such small children, can be very difficult for any man to commit to anything so soon. I think you will need to wait another two months before you might consider getting so deep with discussions regarding the future. Believe me, I've had them within a month or less and they have all crashed and burned, so be careful, enjoy the moment. I know you are anxious, but try to hold back your heart a little and see how things continue to grow. That is just my two cents. Best of luck and hope to see you around.