Single mom looking for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Single mom looking for advice
6
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 12:31am
Hi all. This is my first visit to this board. I am recently divorced (8/05) and have 2 small children (1 and 3 yrs old). I am in no rush to jump into a new relationship, but it might be nice to meet some new people. And quite honestly, when I think about the future I am concerned...all of my friends are married with small children too. They don't go out much, I don't have any single friends who do. So, where does a single mom in this situation go to meet new people? How will I ever date again if I have no outlet to meet new guys?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 7:10am

Hi there, and welcome! We love having newcomers! The ladies here are great! Some of us have small children, some of us have older children, and this is a great place for questions.

I have two small children, but mine aren't quite as small as yours! (Mine are 7 and almost 5) and like you, most of my friends are married, with children, and don't go out much. I have found, though, that my married friends are great for saying, so-and-so's cousin, or nephew's uncle's neighbor, or whomever, would be perfect for you. Whether that is actually true or not is a different story, but you get the idea.

Just because your friends are married doesn't mean they don't know single people. Don't be shy about asking them if they know anyone, when you're ready to meet new people. It doesn't have to be a relationship, if you just want to meet new people.

Another thing I'm trying is Online Dating. I have met one person "In Real Life" so far, and so, far, so good, but we'll see how that goes. If you decide to go that route, go slowly, and be careful, but I'm sure you know that.

As far as more traditional venues, there's always the supermarket, the train, the library, the park, all the places people have always met. I imagine with two little kids, you have your hands VERY full, but when you're ready to meet new people, you'll know, and you will just start meeting them.

For me, (I was painfully shy) I made a conscious effort to smile at 3 people every day (male and female) and before I knew it, I was having perfectly nice but harmless conversations with complete strangers. Now I can talk to almost anyone without being uncomfortable, so that has helped me meet new people, even though my friends aren't necessarily there, or it isn't a typical "meet market."

Stick around, we love to have you!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:03am

Welcome!
There are such wonderful people on this site, you will get lots of information and great ideas for day to day issues...:)

Ok, so, I would say that when you are ready, to try the online dating thing. I know it's really awkward at first, but once you get the feel of it, it kinda grows on you..(like mold) hehe.. And, there is also an ONLINE DATING message board on here as well, and people that are on there are very knowledgeable (OLD VETS) and have so fantastic advice on On line dating, pros/cons, ettiqutte.. etc... so, feel free to check it out...

I myself have never found men at stores, libraries, grocery etc....not that I'm against it, but I just have never had luck there.

Stick around.. these boards a fun and very helpful!

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:47pm

Welcome!! Well you do ask the most important question we all have to grapple with.

The answer is you build your friends as you go - is there a way you can try to carve out time to develop some interests - take a class, go to the gym, work on a hobby, get involved at your church?

Just keeping doing more and more and making friends as you go. Pretty soon you will have a good social network.

It helps to have a babysitter or family member or exh that takes the kids on a regular basis so you can have time away for yourself. I think this is important so you have a full life and feel fulfilled outside of a relationship so you are not needy - you can be strong and be picky that way.

Good luck - we are hoping you stay and participate in our posts - we have a nice group of women here who are always quick to help and who would benefit from your opinions and experiences, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:40am

Welcome!


I agree with the others to look for opportunity everywhere.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:03pm
I met a great guy on Match.com. I was hesitant at first to even go there, but I found it to be an excellent way to screen people and get to know someone better without wasting his time or mine, especially being able to find those that would be interested in dating someone like myself who has three kids. That tends to be an issue when meeting new people, so that way it was out there in the beginning and only serious guys inquired. I have been seeing him for 5 months so far, and we get along great. He has a son who gets along with my daughters, and his dog LOVES me! lol. Anyway, hope that helps. It was definitely worth the $50 for membership to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 8:38am
Thank you all for your responses. It is so nice sometimes to see that you are not so alone. Great advice from everyone, I will take it to heart. I have dabbled in match.com, not had such great luck so far. It has been a little bit intimidating actually how forward some of the folks have been. But I will definitely keep an open mind. And try harder to meet some new people in the everyday places I tend to overlook.