Single Moms and committment
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Single Moms and committment
| Sun, 04-16-2006 - 9:05pm |
I have been divorced for 9 years. I have 3 children under 12 and have had the same man in our lives for over 5. We have had the discussion several times about marriage and he says he doesn't want that right now....I just want a committment of some type. He has grown children and therefore uses the excuse that he doesn't want to do the family thing again. I have been clear that I don't need a father for the children or a provider, but I do need a man to meet my needs. We are both successful, have new homes and have a lot to be thankful for. I can say that he is patient and kind but also selfish. Sometimes I think I want the marriage thing and sometimes I am fine with things the way they are. His children are around here and there as young adults are, but it seems when they are in good with dad, then my family always comes 2nd or 3rd or wherever. I really am just venting as the Easter holiday is over and I am just depressed about having someone here to love me on my conditions!

I think you have answered your own question in a way. You have spent a lot of time with him and he does not foresee a future with you or want what you want in the way of marriage and commitment. PLUS you feel he is selfish.
If you want marriage then you have to focus on that and find the person who will love you for your strengths and beat down your door to date you and want a commitment with you.
Welcome to our board!! I think this is a topic we all grapple with. The point I would make is that marriage is a good goal - but in no means should we settle. We must want marriage to the right person - someone who is right not only for us but for our kids. It is not easy to find, but not so impossible if you set the right goals and do not settle.
Whatever you decide, we are here. I am sure others will respond, too.
Hi and welcome to the board!
I think it's great that you've been with someone, but honestly, it sounds like you're "just dating" him rather than in a serious commitment. You have been together for over 5 years, yet you don't live together, you don't talk about marriage and you're wanting more than what he's prepared to give.
"then my family always comes 2nd or 3rd or wherever..." His family SHOULD come first to him. I know it's hard when you look at him as part of YOUR family, but really, he's not.
Honey, you're chasing a dead end. This guy has told you a dozen times in a dozen ways that he doesn't want what you want. As much time as you have invested in this guy, you know that nothing is going to go forward and be more than what you have. Are you willing to stick around for another 5 years for this guy to STILL not want more?
Or would you rather cut your losses and move on to a real man who's going to be on the same page. Who wants to be with you and your family and isn't afraid of committing to you.
It's up to you, you call the shots here. So why are you waiting around allowing this guy to make the decisions? Sure, he's a great guy, but he's not the guy for you.
Hi, and welcome! I totally agree with the others. If you're okay with just dating this man, even exclusively, then you're okay with it.
But it seems like you want more and he's perfectly content to live forever with things as they are. The right man for you will not care if he's "starting over" with younger children, he'll love your children because they are a part of what makes you you.
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