Single Moms versus Married Moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Single Moms versus Married Moms
16
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:46am

Is it just me, or are Single Moms a lot different than Married Moms?


When I'm with home-school Moms (traditional, stay-at-home, cookie-baking types) I'm amazed at how insulated they are.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:01pm

Well, my sister is fun to talk to because although she doesn't work and she is a stay at home mom, she has a lot of well-healed friends and a lot of stuff to teach me and tell me. Today at coffee she was telling the story about how she got a casting for her daughter for modeling. She is well connected and stays on top of things. Her friends are always doing fun stuff and I like to hear their stories.

There are a few married mom acquaintances of mine at my son's school who I can talk to - they have older kids and can talk about the HS they chose and why. And some of them are athletic themselves - I have been having fun talking to them at our volleyball games. But an hour is usually the thing that works best. It is not like we call each other and stay in touch. And we do help each other with shuffling kids around to parties and events as needed.

Then there are a few single friends who don't have kids and we are all trying to date - these ones are all ages and are very dear friends - I have a blast with them and we keep in touch. I enjoy listening to their dating and working experiences.

Then I have my athletic friends who are all a mix of married and single - and we talk about our interests with our sport.

I guess you need a big mix? Probably the homeschool ones are good with school topics and you don't want to hang out too much or get off of that topic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:23pm

I have three best friends who are married--*R* is completely closed off to the outside world--she is a stay at home mom, can't do anything without her husband--honestly I no longer spend much time with her.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:28pm

Good question, S-


I live in a community that is 90 something percent married with kids suburban well-to-do households. This is how most of the ladies I know are(not really my friends but I know them from

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:31pm

I am the only single mom in my department.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:35pm

attending day time social stuff together

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 1:05pm

I have a big online group of friends, all of whom are married but me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:40pm

"Ladies who Lunch."


It's hard to say because I have never in my life had a lot of money or time to be one of the "ladies who lunch", but even if I did have the time and money to stay at home and do these things, I feel that I wouldn't. And that's not because I have a personal problem with those who do or feel that it is a waste of time. But, as much as I groan about working and long for the weekend...deep inside I truly LIKE having a job outside of the house. I like feeling like I am contributing and feeling independant. Now those who stay at home are certainly contributing- their kids reap the rewards of having a mom at home which is valuable. My DD would love it if I did not work and I could be "there" for her 100 percent. But in all honesty I have never felt like the kind who has it in her to stay home. I kind of like the work ethic I have and DD is picking up on. She (at age 10) already says things like "when I grow up and start working I want to____" and she says it so enthusiastically.


One thing she sees is that I work hard for what I get paid. When I buy something new like an outfit or me or her (which is rare..we are very tight with money) she is so appreciative. She sees the value of the dollar and she understands that life is not going to hand her everything on a silver platter. And I believe she will be happier knowing this. We are a "live life to the fullest, learn everything you can, get your feet wet and your hands dirty, and open your mind to the possibilities" kind of duo (me and DD)

~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 5:28pm

I have the best of both worlds as far as my job. I take the girls to school in the morning and then 10 minutes away is my office. I could go home, but because my job is around the corner, I go into the office instead of heading back home. However, at noon, when my tummy starts growling, I head home, cook lunch at home now and work the rest of the time until the kids get home. Meanwhile, a good and healthy dinner

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:20pm

I agree with you, April.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:49pm
This is an interesting thread. I am tempted also to ask Angie to marry me in whatever state will accept us after her last post. lol
I live in an area in the city where there are very well off families in large part who even in their city hippiesh trends, still live in and own million dollar houses. A lot of them own here in this neighborhood to have access to the free schooling which is my son's school so he is in class with politician's kids etc. I frequently get the purposeful snub from married stay at home moms IMO. I try very hard to connect with everyone at my son's school and around the neighborhood. We are good neighbors and even though we just rent, we take care of the property and I take my role in my son's school very seriously. Still, I feel a huge divide. They avoid me at our kids events and huddle with each other. I try and strike up conversations and the topics run flat very quickly and they look kind of awkward with me which I honestly dont understand. Even the stay at home moms here have nannies, some of which are full time and I had to turn in one of them for drinking out of a 7 eleven cup on the playground. She admitted to me she was drinking gin, I saw her car parked in the lot, ( I would have called even if I hadnt seen that but that made me jump quickly) and I called the parents and went to the front office of the school to report her. The woman was suspicious of me over the phone saying she wasnt sure who I was. It was awkward. I called her husband next and he was helpful and thanked me profusely and rushed off the phone. The school said they had received a concern about her before that was also involving alcohol on school property but that the parents had defended her. They had her on a warning since nothing could be proven at the time. The mother showed up for school the next morning visibly put out and I recognized her only because I saw the kids with her. She shooed them away and spoke with the principal and was speaking about me with me in earshot saying she wasnt certain who "that woman" was. I interrupted politely and told her it was me. I explained that her nanny had befriended me before this past afternoon and was so tipsy she clearly wasnt thinking straight enough to cover her own butt which explained why she showed me the alcohol and giggled. I was very straightfaced about it. She complained about having to find good childcare again and did I know how hard that was. I immediately offered to take her kids after school until she could find more help since my son knows them and one of them was a classmate of his. And she looked at me up for a second in this way which made me feel very underdressed and said " No offense but I dont even know you. " and I said " true enough but I dont drink. That should be a start." I will never forget the look on the principal's face when I said that. She has been extra nice to me ever since.
Obviously this woman isnt representative of all of the married women here but most of them in my area do seem horribly spoiled to me and very often are pawning their kids out on a nanny for a good part of the day. They seem completely stressed out over repair men at the house, or how they are going to finish packing for vacation. There is a lot of emphasis on appearance here and they are always perfectly put together. I am much more a jeans and t shirt kind of gal and I kind of go from that to evening gowns with the work I do. They just dont ever see those nights! I have tried sitting with a number of the moms on the playground and the ONLY ones I get along with are the single moms. I dont even sit with them or meet them on purpose and many times I find out they are single moms AFTER the fact.
I can admit that some of this might be with me just feeling less than living in an affluent area and being a musician. I am a high paid musician but they still ask if I do dinner parties when they hear it. I think some of it for me is still fighting the stigma of a starving artist in a town where politics pay and the arts continually suffer. That has nothing necessarily to do with married versus single moms but sometimes the two issues collide for some reason.
Thanks goodness I teach violin as well and I do see fine examples of stay at home married women in that area of my life. I do get on with these women quite a bit but it should be said that they immediately respect me because of what they are paying me an hour and the fact that they have researched my background before meeting me the first time.
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