single mother /dating advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
single mother /dating advice
23
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 4:40pm

Hi to all,


I am 42, 3 children 15,12 & 11. I've been divorced three years. I've been dating 'Ralph' for two years now. We seem to get along great but of course we don't live together. I see him every weekend and he comes over one week night. He spends time with the kids when they are w/ me but he and I are alone every other weekend. He does not attend kids activities/sports functions etc, I think both of us are OK with that. The kids have a dad who is involved and attends most of those, as I do.


Here is my confusion.....Right now I work full time and I am in school all day every Saturday. My life is hectic but most of the time I'm happy with my life. Ralph and I never discuss the future nor do we tell eachother that we love one another. I know I do love him. He is also divorced but had only a step son that he does not see often. I'm very scared about getting married again and having it not work out so I think dating for several years is a good idea. At times I think I may not want to settle down until my kids are older.


Ralph and I only date eachother and things are great. Should I just go with the flow and see what life brings on? Or am I wasting years because I'm only dating one guy that may not ever want to commit?


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 5:34pm

Why does it have to "go somewhere"? I'm in the same boat as you. I've been dating my Hiker for 2 yrs and all we are doing is dating. We go out, we do things together, and we have alot of fun with each other. But we are not making plans to move in together or get married. We are just having fun spending time together!


I think that as long as both people are okay with that, then that's perfectly fine. If one or the other is wanting more (or less) from the relationship, then that is when there is a problem. It doesn't matter what any of US here on the board think about your dating situation! What matters is what YOU think of it!


There are people who would "next" a

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 5:47pm

Hi Shrimpy,


Thanks so much for your response!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 6:11pm

I'm glad I read this post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 6:17pm

I haven't read ahead, but I think if you're both okay with it, what's the problem?


You don't seem to want more than you have right now, so I think you're at a good place for you.


If you wanted more, or if saying the words are important to you,


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 6:25pm

ps does your hiker friend stay over when your child/children are home?

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 3:46pm

I agree with the rest of the girls. If it's right for you what's the problem.

Now if one day that little inner voice starts screaming at you "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!" Then you might want to reconsider.

Emma

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 4:05pm

Thank you everyone for the advice. I think when it involves children it's a whole new set of circumstances. My kids and I are a team. I also have my life w/ my bf and occasionally he is involved with my children.


One comment from this board that someone made struck home with me. She said she wouldn't bother dating someone unless they definately had what she was looking for in a husband. With my situation there are some things that I worry about, so maybe thats my inner voice telling me softly to be cautious. So far the voice isn't screaming LOL, so I'll stay put.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 1:42pm

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 2:35pm

hmmmm


I hope mine is not a fwb relationship but I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 4:53pm

That's interesting that you'd ask this, because I have gone through moments when I've questioned whether what Hiker and I have are just basically FWB because we aren't rushing headlong into getting married or living together. We like keeping our lives separate, yet we get together for sharing activities and sex. But I think what makes us different than a FWB is because we DO have the emotions involved. We do enjoy each others' company for more than just friends with sex added.


I also have an understanding that as FWB, you are able to keep looking for other people to date, and date around. With Hiker and I, we are NOT looking for others, and if either one of us were to find out the other one WAS dating someone else too, then it would be over between us.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Pages