single mother /dating advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
single mother /dating advice
23
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 4:40pm

Hi to all,


I am 42, 3 children 15,12 & 11. I've been divorced three years. I've been dating 'Ralph' for two years now. We seem to get along great but of course we don't live together. I see him every weekend and he comes over one week night. He spends time with the kids when they are w/ me but he and I are alone every other weekend. He does not attend kids activities/sports functions etc, I think both of us are OK with that. The kids have a dad who is involved and attends most of those, as I do.


Here is my confusion.....Right now I work full time and I am in school all day every Saturday. My life is hectic but most of the time I'm happy with my life. Ralph and I never discuss the future nor do we tell eachother that we love one another. I know I do love him. He is also divorced but had only a step son that he does not see often. I'm very scared about getting married again and having it not work out so I think dating for several years is a good idea. At times I think I may not want to settle down until my kids are older.


Ralph and I only date eachother and things are great. Should I just go with the flow and see what life brings on? Or am I wasting years because I'm only dating one guy that may not ever want to commit?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 9:52am

whether to push that relationship forward or not


If it feels like pushing, then it's not right.


~s~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 12:20pm

Yes yes yes - these thoughts are identical to mine. I think a house with kids is very unique and it doesn't really mix with other people that easy. I mean if you and your kids got on your parents nerves (which is identical to what happened to me when I used to stay at my parents house for a week or two when DS was very little and we lived out of town), imagine what they would do to someone who is NOT a blood relative? That is not an easy thing. And kids like one on one time and that is much easier managed this way and I know my time with DS is perishable.

This morning he decided to invite the little dog to sit at the breakfast table on the bench with him and finish his cereal, "Look mommy!" And you know what, I didn't get mad, I laughed and took their picture. It was adorable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:14pm

"If it feels like pushing, then it's not right."


I guess I should've used different wording. I didn't mean 'pushing' for marriage as in 'forcing', but more like heading in that direction. As in starting up more discussions about it, and getting it out there as a goal for the relationship.


I would never push for marriage with Hiker, but I do like to think that one day in the future, we might be discussing it. I just can't see heading that way yet, though. Not with how busy our own individual lives are for the time being!


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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