Single mother..Hard. Dating...Harder!!!
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| Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:06pm |
When my ex and I split up, I knew being a single mother would be hard. But dating is harder! I've told this board my story but here is a brief. I'm 38 years old, I have 2 sons; 14 and 12 and have been divorced for 5 years.
I've dated 2 guys....count them......TWO. I don't even know if I can count them as dates either. The 1st one was on the rebound from a serious relationship and the 2nd.....
Well the 2nd I told you all about. He only wanted sex. About a week ago, I told him to "get lost". I didn't use those exact words, I was nice about it. I told him that "I couldn't sleep with him anymore because I wasn't the type to maintain a casual relationship and I know I deserve more. I'm holding out for that something special and magical". He said he understood, but was not ready for a serious relationship. In other words, I'm not THE one. I felt depressed that in my situation, guys are not going to get to know the real me and I may never have another fulfilling relationship again.
I figured I would never hear from him again and good riddance. It's necessary at all time to weed out the negative in your life. We have enough to deal with trying to raise children on our own. In fact, another woman on this board said..."Dating?, I'm too busy trying to raise men to actually meet any" ....or something close. I hold her words in my heart. Because it's true, I'm trying to raise 2 men. I'm trying to teach them to be polite and considerate and sensitive.
Anyway, this guy calls me up a few days later. I was on the road at the time and I hate talking on the cell phone. The ac in my car had bust and it was extremely hot. I had spent the entire morning at my son's school for orientation. I was tired, bothered and hot! I was a little surprised to hear from him and only managed (I believe) to sound like a babbling idiot. What is about these men that make us turn into fools? He called me again this morning about nothing in particular. Didn't ask me out or anything like that. So why IS he calling?..... You got me. Does he want to be friends?....I doubt it.
Frazzled and lonely and confused,
Joanne

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Well, IMO, I think he wants a piece of action again. If he doesn't want a serious relationship with you then more than likely that is what he is calling you for. Been there, done that, got tired of it. Like you said, I am waiting for something special...AND REAL! I have found that a lot of guys out there aren't looking for anything serious. That is why OLD gets to be frustrating for me sometimes but I hang in there. lol And I would say that it's the ones that are younger than me (30) that are like this but I dated a guy that was 37 and he didn't want anything serious even though he was saying all of the right things while trying to get into my pants! lol Geez.
You just hang in there honey. I have dated a lot in the past 3 years since I've been single and have learned a lot about men. I haven't exactly made all of the right choices but I have learned from my mistakes and my eyes are more open than they have been. I haven't dated since April. I'm ready to get back out there though. I may this weekend. The only way I can meet anyone right now is either in class (which is slim to none!) or OL. I have a 6 yo son and know what you mean about trying to raise a man and not having time to meet one. lol
Jennifer
Joanne and Jennifer,
I can relate to what both of you are saying.
It is easy to find and date MRRight now - but it just takes time for MrRight. Have faith - and you will find him.
For now, keep yourself happy!!
HI Joanne,
To me it sounds like this guy is calling in the hopes that you'll change your mind about not havng sex.
I am in a fiarly new but great relationship right now but before him I dated 3 ( yes three...sigh) men who were clear in the beginning that they werent really looking for a relationship. What was I thinking I wonder? Probably that I wanted to be in something casual at first anyhow since I was new back on the scene and that my heart too was a bit bruised. but as it turned out it only lead to heartbreak and bad patterns for everyone involved. Even in the best case scenario when someone has no beginning intention of having something real with you - if they do eventually fall for you they may end up feeling more put out by it than anything else. I experienced this with two of the three and they just didnt want to adjust their lifestyles to make room for anything that looked like aq life long commitment and yet we did love one another and had trouble breaking it off. The least you can do to protect your time and energy is to insist that they be willing to consider something serious if it starts to develop in that direction. Because if and when that happens you want someone who will embrace it and you and your kids, not back away and feel inconvenienced by their own change of heart!
Good luck to you and stay strong!
HI!
I am thinking this guy wants to get laid again. Even so he could at least ask you out to dinner! Know what I mean? I really have never met nor dated a man who could be just friends w/ a female w/o anything else-esp after dating them. I don't think they are capable of that. I tried that after a few brake up's, but that is still what they wanted- to get laid-and when they didn't get it-they got mad at me-and a fight would start. Not a good experience. One of you will always want more than a friendship from the other.
However, I did date a guy 10yrs older than me-not commitment type-but either was I at the time-finally I said-I need more--then same as you-he called a week later--what the???? ok. What do you want?-well we went out a few times-when I didn't sleep w/him-he then told me he couldn't "do this" ok-again-what the?? Seriously-I think his poor ego could take the rejection--poor baby-so he wanted to then -at the end-end it w/me. Nice. Now I hear-6yrs later-he wants a relationship and children-too little too late-he can't find someone now. humm :) lol/
Hope I helped--maybe just come right out and ask him what he wants. Possibly do it face to face-maybe out having coffee.
Take care :)
I think you're right. I think his ego was bruised when I rejected him, although he said he understood at the time. So he calls in the hope that I change my mind. I'm sorely tempted, trust me, it's hard being alone and having the daily struggles of being a single mom. But I'll be strong - .....i hope. Cross your fingers!
Our newspaper yesterday featured some of our local eligible bachelors. However, they don't want an old hag like me with a ready made family and ex husband. They're looking for someone young who's going to give them children. Why they want children though is beyond me since they can't even manage themselves! Do I sound bitter or what?!
I'm facing the beginning of a new school year and the financial issues that come along with it, so I speak to my ex about it. He says he can't manage to give me anymore money ....he may have to move back in. Uh huh! Over my dead body!!
So I continue to fight the fight. What choice do I have?!
Yes, he's hoping you'll change your mind and give in, for "old times sake".
And I agree with Rebecca, what do you mean "OLD HAG"?
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