Single mother..Hard. Dating...Harder!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Single mother..Hard. Dating...Harder!!!
25
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:06pm

When my ex and I split up, I knew being a single mother would be hard. But dating is harder! I've told this board my story but here is a brief. I'm 38 years old, I have 2 sons; 14 and 12 and have been divorced for 5 years.

I've dated 2 guys....count them......TWO. I don't even know if I can count them as dates either. The 1st one was on the rebound from a serious relationship and the 2nd.....
Well the 2nd I told you all about. He only wanted sex. About a week ago, I told him to "get lost". I didn't use those exact words, I was nice about it. I told him that "I couldn't sleep with him anymore because I wasn't the type to maintain a casual relationship and I know I deserve more. I'm holding out for that something special and magical". He said he understood, but was not ready for a serious relationship. In other words, I'm not THE one. I felt depressed that in my situation, guys are not going to get to know the real me and I may never have another fulfilling relationship again.

I figured I would never hear from him again and good riddance. It's necessary at all time to weed out the negative in your life. We have enough to deal with trying to raise children on our own. In fact, another woman on this board said..."Dating?, I'm too busy trying to raise men to actually meet any" ....or something close. I hold her words in my heart. Because it's true, I'm trying to raise 2 men. I'm trying to teach them to be polite and considerate and sensitive.

Anyway, this guy calls me up a few days later. I was on the road at the time and I hate talking on the cell phone. The ac in my car had bust and it was extremely hot. I had spent the entire morning at my son's school for orientation. I was tired, bothered and hot! I was a little surprised to hear from him and only managed (I believe) to sound like a babbling idiot. What is about these men that make us turn into fools? He called me again this morning about nothing in particular. Didn't ask me out or anything like that. So why IS he calling?..... You got me. Does he want to be friends?....I doubt it.

Frazzled and lonely and confused,

Joanne

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 4:15pm
I think you are right on for all accounts. Keep us posted - and do expect to be treated by royalty by someone who is happy and lucky to find you - not some broken-hearted dope that claims to be a peasant.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 10:14pm
Sorry you have to go through your situation. But I will say that if you honestly believe that the second guy you were seeing was really only around for one thing, let him go. I know you already did ( as far as not seeing him ) but I mean completely. He calls because he wants to see if you will still answer the calls. And you do! Soooo if you aren't answering his calls he is going to think you are going on with your life doing whatever that is and start to wonder ( and let him )if you honestly do believe you deserve better. And you do so don't answer the phone!! He lost that privledge. Sorry so blunt but I am in the same situation and don't put up with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 8:41am

I know I should take that advice.....and I'm gonna try. The only hitch is that I had told him that I hate talking on cell phones, they should only be used if you need to contact someone for a specific purpose. So he tends to call me at work - I won't know if he's a client or not. However, if he calls on my cell phone....the I can most definitely not answer it.

I do NOT need someone like this in my life but I made a boo boo I think. I asked his opinion on whether or not he thinks I'm approachable. Do guys find me intimidating? He seemed to think that I was asking this in direct relation to him and me as a couple. I really wasn't, but you know how guys think. He kept insisting that he and I wouldn't work out. And I had to keep pointing out that that wasn't what I was asking. Sigh. Men!...Arrgghhh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 10:35am

See....it happened again! He called right after I posted my last reply to you!!! Damn!! You know if he had called on Monday when I was having serious stress accompanied by head and neck pains, I would have told him to leave me alone. But Nooooo!...he calls when I'm upbeat and chipper, so I had no desire to be cold and mean. His call was put through to my office phone. My calls are not screened so I don't know who's on the line.

As usual I was entertaining and charming. No wonder he calls.....he feels that at some point I'm going to change my mind. Who can blame him? I need the strength to tell him to back off or not care either way when he calls. Or at least to tell him...Listen....I am NOT going to change my mind, so if you're calling because you're hoping I will....STOP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 10:38am

See....it happened again! He called right after I posted my last reply to you!!! Damn!! You know if he had called on Monday when I was having serious stress accompanied by head and neck pains, I would have told him to leave me alone. But Nooooo!...he calls when I'm upbeat and chipper, so I had no desire to be cold and mean. His call was put through to my office phone. My calls are not screened so I don't know who's on the line.

As usual I was entertaining and charming. No wonder he calls.....he feels that at some point I'm going to change my mind. Who can blame him? I need the strength to tell him to back off or not care either way when he calls. Or at least to tell him...Listen....I am NOT going to change my mind, so if you're calling because you're hoping I will....STOP!!

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