Single mothers opinion needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Single mothers opinion needed
6
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:30am
The girl I'm dating is a single mother. I found out the other day that the girl via myspace emails that the girl I was dating got back with her ex-husband for a month while dating me. During the time when they got back together she told me she was going through issues and needed some time to herself. She never told me what was going on. She told me to stop calling her till she was done about two weeks. It didn't work between her and her ex-husband she then started talking to me again. I waited around for her while she "secretely dated her ex-husband". Thinking she was just stressed out that is what she claimed. I don't know if she had sex with him, but assumming she did. Is this a good enough reason to break things up with her? I also have found out she is flirts alot more then I once thaught. Out of all the great qualitys that keep me with her I"m debating on if this is enough to dump her ass for lieing. Keep in mind she has a child wiht her ex-husband and just wanted to work things out with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 1:58pm
I get a bad feeling from what you write, and I know that if I was in your shoes I would not want someone who treated me that way. But that is just me. Good luck with whatever you decide. Maybe you just need to talk to her and gather more info to make your own best decision?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 2:41pm

There are a lot of variables here. It sounds like she has qualities that you really like. I wouldn't drop her without talking with her first.

Lying is not at all cool and I have absolutely zero tolerance for it, but in her defense, she technically didn't lie. She told you that she didn't want to see you for a bit because she was going through issues so needed some time to herself. It wasn't quite clear to me how long have you been dating her. If this is the beginning of your relationship, she might really like you, but wanted to be absolutely sure there is nothing there between her and her ex before she could fully focus on a moving forward with you.

For your own sanity, I wouldn't assume that she slept with him, either. You said it was only two weeks and so there is a good chance she just started talking with him and realized there was nothing there. I wouldn't jump to conclusions, but instead be blunt and ask her that as well as any other questions you have.

Anyway, that's my two cents! Whatever you decide, best of luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 4:07pm

I have to assume she is aware that you know of her myspace. Since I'm assuming this, she must also know you'd find out that was was attempting a reconciliation with her husband. While she didn't tell you directly, she knew you'd find out.
She also didn't lie to you, as she did tell you she needed space. You chose to wait around for her while she decided what to do. If you're looking for a reason to break up with her, you don't have to have one, really. Being unhappy with her is reason enough. But, you can't blame it on her cheating on you, as she didn't, and as far as I can tell, she didn't lie to you either. She simply didn't tell you every detail. As far as the flirting, some people are simply flirts, and you have to decide if that's a part of her personality you can live with. It's okay if it isn't, but it's up to you.
She can be a great person, but the wrong one for you. She doesn't have to be horrible for you to decide she isn't right for you.

Moody- still a great person, even though I'm wrong for all of my exes


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 4:50pm

I'm still a little confused about how you found out that she got back together with her exh. If you found out about it in a snooping way, you might have jumped to the wrong conclusion. (on a side note: myspace. i don't get it. i'm glad i'm too old for that kind of thing)

However, if you are 100% sure the she got back together with her exh, then I would say you should leave her and move on. If it's over between two former spouses....then, it is over. There should be no looking back. If she was tempted,even for 2 weeks, to reconcile, then her head is not in the right place and you would be nothing more than a transition guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 5:43pm
okay moody but she said she wasn't going to be dating anyone.. she said that she just needed to think about some things. the way i took it was she was going through a midlife issues not she was going to get back with her ex-husband. i remember telling her a story of a girl that i dated that said the same thing to me well if oudn out she just said it to get back with her ex and it was a easy way for her to say im out instead of being blunt and saying she was over with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:50am
She seems sneaky & dishonest. Why WOULDNT this be a good enough reason to break it off???
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