Single for a reason
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| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:15pm |
So I was browsing some boards yesterday, and a woman commented that she was having a hard time meeting men her own age (she's in her early 40s) and that all the single men she was meeting were "single for a reason".
And it made me think.
I have single girlfriends who are forever asking me and TT to set them up with one of our single guy friends. And I got to thinking, our single guy friends, well, they are single for a reason. One is a closet mysogynist. One is the cheapest man I've ever met in my life - and I would NEVER set him up with anyone. One is - well - he's a mama's boy. 42 years old and his mom comes to his house and cooks and cleans and does all of his laundry and grocery shopping for him. Sets his doctor's appointments. One is a workaholic. TOTAL workaholic. I don't think he's ever worked less than a 70 hour work week - and every vacation he's ever been on, he's cut short and returned home early - after working for a few hours via laptop and cell phone every day. All of these guys, without exception, are very available - but are single for reasons.
So I was talking to my brother last night (who is single for a reason - reason being he doesn't want the work of a relationship - which he readily admits) and he said "yeah, that's true - but think about - your girlfriend M, she's single for a reason, too. She's the most high maintenance chick I've ever met. And your girlfriend S, she is the shallowest, most materialistic girl on the planet. Hot as hades, but I'll never forget the look of disgust on her face when I said I got my swim trunks at Walmart. Which was funny to me considering she was eating my food, swimming in my pool. And then there is J. Doesn't every single person on the planet know all about what a butt her ex boyfriend from what? Like 6 years ago? was? She's the most negative person I think I know. You know my friend T? He calls her "Kirby Vacuum Cleaner" - cause she can suck all the fun out of any room. I think YOUR girlfriends are single for a reason just as much as your guy friends are."
Thoughts?

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Good point. Kudos to your brother for firing back.
I think for both sides, it's a very small pool of people that actually are single and healthy. Saying that, I believe it's the one's that were divorced once that are the healthiest compared to those that never have married and are 40+. JMHO. Not saying that divorced don't have ticks, but those REAL available one's that never commited for longer or married certainly do.
Don't forget Single F on both sides. The one's that are looking for the perfect woman or man, and looking for twigs or sporty men/women, but the looker him/herself is seriously not taking care of his/herself in anyway. That just gets me.
You do have a point. And I have definitely seen examples on both sides of the fence.
But I know so many women who are single and looking for a guy who wants a relationship and they just can't find one. So many guys are really into school, their careers, partying, etc. They want a booty call girl, which is easy to find. But they don't want to be tied down to a relationship or be available for one. They make this evident by wanting to hang out at their house and not take the girl out or asking for sex right away. Or they don't call except once in a blue moon to do something they need an escort for.
The women I know are all very different - single and beautiful and fun in their 20s, divorced with kids, divorced without kids, older and never been married.
I think it is just hard to find someone with the same wants and interests.
Wow....this thread just kills me! Thanks for the big cheer up.
I've thought the same things over the past couple of years.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Well too bad we don't live closer - we could set them all up! :-)
I only know 2 guys who are really looking. One is very very cheap and he likes to be hunting or fishing 40 weeks out of the year - can't seem to figure out why most women don't like that...
The other one travels ALL the time for business and he has a very large, ill-mannered smelly dog that totally trashes his place.
It probably doesn't help that I live in a community where almost everyone is married with kids - deep in the heart of suburbia!
"Don't forget Single F on both sides. The one's that are looking for the perfect woman or man, and looking for twigs or sporty men/women, but the looker him/herself is seriously not taking care of his/herself in anyway."
LOL! I have aquaintances of both sexes who fit into that group!
One girlfriend, she's so cute and a sweetheart - but the most physically inactive person I know. Naturally thin - it doesn't matter once, but she's attracted to really athletic, outdoorsy men. When they find out her idea of a "hike" is walking through the mall in strappy heels and her idea of "camping" is Best Western and her idea of "working out" is putting groceries away on the high cabinets - they lose interest. She can't seem to get it!
And there is S. He is the most unkept man I know. Constantly looks like he's just rolled out of bed and went out in the clothes he had on the night before and slept in, unwashed face, unbrushed teeth, uncombed hair . . . . very overweight, with a face only a mother could love. Sweet little girl in the I.T. Dept. thought he was the funniest, nicest man she had ever met (he is really funny and nice) and he said he would NEVER date a girl like her - she's "chunky" and "plain."
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
"One is very very cheap and he likes to be hunting or fishing 40 weeks out of the year - can't seem to figure out why most women don't like that..."
OH MY GOSH! I have the perfect person for him!!!!! His "girlfriend" just dumped him two weeks ago after he cancelled their weekend getaway (which was Dutch, of course) Friday morning (they were to leave Friday night) cause his buddy was able to go hunting in Northern AZ that weekend after all!!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Interesting topic! My dating experiences and those of my female friends have basically taught me that there are VERY few emotionally healthy and well-rounded single men in our age group (late 30s-early 50s). I know SO many great, fun, interesting, and basically healthy single women (we're not without our quirks but no one has any glaring flaws like the ones your brother pointed out). It seems like every time I go to some sort of "singles" event, I meet more great women...but the men are almost always weird, boring, or both. And of the men I've met online, few have turned out to be dealing with their baggage well (we all have it by this age; the key is how you deal with it!). Either that, or they are just boring...they work and they golf (or some other activity) and that's basically IT. No travel (unless it's to a golf resort!), no plays, no symphonies...they are in a total rut.
My theory is that most of the good guys get and stay married...and the occasional good guy who comes on the market and who wants to get married again is overwhelmed with good choices in women, so he's not out there long. Plus, there are some basically decent guys who have potential to be emotionally healthy, but because of the strong societal taboo against counseling for men, they never get to that point.
Sheri
I agree with you, Sheri.
ESPECIALLY on the BORING aspect of it!!!!!!
Another one of my observations is that good men in their late 30s - early 50s who become available due to divorce or being widowed or who are finally ready for a relationship after years of school/career seem to gravitate toward younger women.
I'm 11 years TT's junior.
Our friend T, 35, divorced for 3 years now, is very happily involved with a woman 8 years his junior.
Our friend, F, 35, single and never married due to pursuing his career, is now happily involved with a woman 10 years his junior.
Our friend, G, 46, divorced for 4 years now, engaged to a woman 9 years his junior.
I'm fearful that there are many wonderful women out there who are going to spend the rest of their lives alone. Wouldn't be a terrible thing, no, but personally - I enjoy being in a loving relationship.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
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