singlemomdom sad yet happy moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
singlemomdom sad yet happy moment
6
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:34pm

Here’s a story from the other side of the dating equation. My S18 has never dated in the sense of taking a girl out, just the two of them. He goes out in big groups, goes to parties and hangs out with a mixed gender group.So he has been stressing about prom and finally asking a girl out. His friends tried fixing him up with essentially a blind date, but he realized he already knew the girl and didn’t like her. Anyway, he finally asked someone, she accepted and now he’s a nervous mess.

It’s been a real eye opener for me seeing how guys learn to do this. He realized he had to order the corsage today and was asking me what to get. I just sent him off to get his hair cut. Prom is this Sat. He’s a quirky guy, is planning on wearing a vintage early 60’s sharkskin suit that had been his dad’s.

It’s one of those moments where I feel the loss of being divorced and my son and his dad having such a bad relationship. His dad should be the one teaching him all this stuff. I called his dad to ask if he had a cumberbund and bow tie to lend the kid, just so my X could feel he has some connection to the kid and to yet again provide an opportunity for the two of them to close the gap. I know if I check all my closets I’ll find a cumberbund and tie he left behind. If we were somehow still married (in that fantsyland where he is sane and actually is the person he pretends to be when he wants something), this would be a really cool moment for the two of them. But, gotta live in the real world and make the best of it, put some positive spin on it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:57pm

Your exh is a total bonehead. So sorry that you feel the loss. I know exactly what you mean - there are times I really feel I let my son down by choosing his dad.

But the lucky thing is that he has you - I guess this means you will have to add "male prom dresser and adviser" to your list.

Keep us posted on the prom story - it sure is fun to hear a guy's perspective. I am so glad the girl said yes - that has to be half the battle!!

Fortunately for me prom is a few years away and I would like to keep it that way. I am having a hard enough time with the preteen attitude rearing is head. "MOM! What's WRONG with you?" seems to be the saying for the day - I think I wanted him to take out the trash in the middle of an xbox game or something. He has the live version and all of the friends are calling and they are playing together.

He has definitely become more social. It is not about mamma anymore. SAD!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:45pm

There are good and bad things about those games. Good- your kid is in your house, having fun with a bunch of his pals and you don't have to feed them (wait til you have a house full of boys 13-18- yikes, clean out the whole pantry) or clean up after them. Bad- super addicting, can't just shut it off mid game. The RPG's (role playing games) are the worst. My kids play WOW (World of Warcraft) have headphones with mics and speakers so it's like I have 15 teens in my family room but everyone is in their own home. Again, on the up side, it is through these games that S15 and S18 stay in contact when S15 is at dad's house. But they can waste literally a whole day doing this.

As for the asking a girl out thing, actually meeting M and asking me about how he and I met kind of helped S18 just take the chance. And I know my boys have now seen a better example of guy behavior than their father.I guess I'm just realizing another dream I had for how I envisioned my life go up in smoke- the whole having the kids' dad teach them to drive, take them to rent a tux, have some dad son talks about life, girls and all. But I know it's all a fantasy dream, my X would have made the whole experience a nightmare, he has to be the center of attention ALWAYS. So I will continue to be Mom and Dad for S18 as I pretty much always have been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:16am
As much as its hard to see our kids deal with their assanine, crazy, selfish fathers - rest assured, as you KNOW, its SO much better for them to have to deal with them in small doses, or in memory, than if we werent strong enough women & moms, to have hightailed it OUT OF THERE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 4:11pm

Awww...and yes I take a trip to that Fantasyland sometimes too.

And you did a great job with it- hope he has a great time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 5:00pm
Yes, and this kid is the one who really gets that it took a lot for me to do it, and I did it for their sanity as much as my own. He's glad his dad isn't involved, then he can't be disappointed. I'll pick up the suit from the cleaners today, make sure he has a white dress shirt that is clean and ironed, dark socks, knows where his dress shoes are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 4:29pm
Update on the prom preparations. He's picked up the flowers, got all his clothes laid out, ironed his shirt, polished his shoes and actually cleaned out his car. He even map quested the restaurant, and got money from the ATM and got gas. He's decided to forgo RPG gaming today so he can't get caught up in it and forget to go. LOL