Singles questions
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| Mon, 09-17-2007 - 10:32pm |
Soonee and maitlandmommy were having a great discussion - about how we all feel alone and sort of left out when we are around married couples with kids. I know this happens to me, too.
So, I thought I would ask all some more questions....
- Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?
- Do you have married friends with kids? Were you friends before or after your single status?
- Are most of your friends single?
- How do you meet most of your friends?
- Any tips for feeling like you belong better?
Okay - and to be fair I will put my answers here.
I am involved in school for the purpose of helping my son or son's teacher. I am not really involved in the ultra-hours, time-consuming projects of PTO. Okay - so I did just volunteer to be the email coordinator but only under the agreement I would never attend a physical meeting!! So, with these boundaries in place, I do not attend a lot of stuff where not being married would bother me - although that is not the real reason - I am selfish with my time because i have a lot of things I like to do ;-)
I do have some married friends with kids - but we do not really hang out. I let my son choose his friends and he hangs out with them. So I do chat with the married moms for a bit for pick up and drop off. They are all really nice. Most of them I have met after the divorce.
I have many friends who are single and many who are married. I like all of them and most are from my sporting world. '
I think the biggest tip for feeling like I belong is that I look at my single status like a privilege. I am doing a LOT more now than when I was married and have a GREAT life. I am comfortable and content in my own skin. But believe me, this did take a lot of time - like 7 years and 4 of those were dateless curled up in the convent (although 3 were in an online dating frenzy) - I think I spent so much time reading dating books and blabbing on here that they made me CL!! I remodeled the house, grew my business, totally revamped my wardrobe and got really into my sports stuff, got really fit. I also took the time to travel with DS to places most husbands would never venture. I am not afraid to be alone.
I guess I have built up a lot of great things to do that are NOT family oriented - no Easter Egg hunts or traditional holiday events for us (we did our own egg hunt with the dogs in the backyard and it was hilarious to watch them try to eat the eggs without the shell). For the holidays my DS and I walk all the neighborhoods - one each night - to see the lights and we have this favorite bike ride through the lights that we do. I guess I have not only avoided this family type stuff like the plague, but I have replaced it with really fun creative stuff that DS and I both adore. We take the dogs to this Latin beach that is family oriented but since we can't speak English and the Latin community in general is very open minded and positive and fun we love it and don't feel slighted.
I don't feel at all like my DS is at a disadvantage because his dad doesn't live here. I read the book, Raising Lance, Raising Me - it was by Lance Armstrong's mom - and her story of how she was pregnant at 17, went through 3 bad marriages and divorces, etc. She married the HS guy who knocked her up because her mother said that unless she got an abortion she could not live with her - so she did that to save her baby. The guy turned out to be a loser drunk who wasn't ready for fatherhood or marriage. On and on the drama went. But you know what? That upbringing was what helped Lance the most!!!!!!!!
Because no traditional husband and wife family would have allowed Lance to ride hours and hours and hours around the neighborhood while his mom worked. And not many fathers would have been so open minded as his own mother to allow him to skip college and join a bike racing team or do triathlons. And his own childhood made him tough. All of the circumstances of his life made him into the champion he is today - a 7 time TDF winner and now a cancer fundraiser.
I believe there is no "perfect childhood" - we all have to do the best we can. Perhaps you have less money - but that teaches the kid to get out and work and be frugal and strong. Or perhaps they are not smart in school but they are athletic or possess some music or art talent? Or perhaps they are a brain and you homeschool? Whatever you offer is part of you and teaches them something and brings about another purpose.

i'll go ahead with my answers and kind of finish my part of where the previous conversation stopped to help get the ball started :-)
Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?
I am. However, I made a conscious effort to not "over-volunteer" like i did last year.
http://www.wh- Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?
NO... and i rarely attend school activities because my two toddler girls are a handful.... the last time i went to bingo night... they ran all over the school... never again.... And i work so hard at my job that i can't do any volunteering either...
- Do you have married friends with kids? Were you friends before or after your single status?
I don't hang out with married friends with kids... Most of my friends are either other single moms or single friends without kids.... That's not on purpose per se. That's just the circles i find myself in.... When i think about it, while i was married, most of my friends were other married-with-children types.... That could be because as a couple, my ex and i went to functions that other married-w-kids would attend. Now, i go to single mom groups or higher a sitter and go to places sans kids... Or, it just happens that when i'm somewhere, i tend to gravitate to the single moms... i guess we're all talking about stuff we can relate too... like things attract like things.
- Are most of your friends single? Yes.
- How do you meet most of your friends? answered above
- Any tips for feeling like you belong better? I believe it's all about how we feel about ourselves.. it's an inner thing... I'll admit when i was first a single mom (right after my seperation), and while i was still angry about my situation... i felt uncomfortable around the married crowd or the happy couples... i felt like i was missing out... The difference now is that i'm happy with my situation... i know i'm where i need to be and i don't care what others think about it... They are where they need to be and i am where i am... I hope everyone counts it all as joy. I am no longer bitter and i no longer try to please everyone. (i give credit to Jesus ...my higher power.. and know that i live in his grace.)
- Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?-
I am not involved at school, per se.
- Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?
I'm not involved with PTP kinds of stuff, but I do other things for my DD's class - usually science related because that's my niche and that's one of their weak areas. I've prepared lab activities, arranged for guest speakers and done things like order National Geographic for their classroom. DS just started pre-school.
- Do you have married friends with kids? Were you friends before or after your single status?
With the exception of my SO my friends are married with kids at home
- Are you involved at school - and if so - what do you do?
I'm not totally involved at my son's school.
I used to really, really want to be involved with PTA and "den mothers" and all that jazz.
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