Sisterly Love ~ NOT!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Sisterly Love ~ NOT!!!
32
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 3:56pm

A few weeks back, my sister and her girlfriends invited me to join them on a Girl Friend Weekend (GFW) in March.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:01pm

Thanks, Pac~Sun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:05pm

I'm a TOTAL Type A+++ personality when it comes to organization - her, not so much.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:06pm

"I lay out the expectations so there aren't any questions."


That is the best way to avoid misunderstandings.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:09pm

With older siblings, I think you are doing the right thing just going to your corner for right now, especially since you don't know the reason as to why you had to look at the pores of her nose. Personally, before even having any communication with her about YOUR girls, I would have to know what caused the blow up....did one of the girls say something to give her the wrong impression or is she just on the outside looking in.

And by all means, not that this is what's going on or anything, could it be that they see you so happy and are just "going along"...just saying what you want to hear. I just know my daughter did that to me one time. From your postings it sound as though they are not having a problem with your social life, but you may want to consider touching base with them just a little.

"I try to buy my children’s love so as to not have to spend time with them "

I neglect their emotional needs

They are still hurting over their dad abandoning them and now that I have abandoned them (by dating SEV), they’re going to go through it all again

I approach parenting like it is running a business because I stick to a schedule and expect each person in our family to live by the rules and expectations that have been set.

The first three: you lists stuff on here all the time that you do together so I think you have that covered. Heck, just shuffling them around for ballgames is a HUGE amount of together time.

As for her 4th comment.... as a parent, isn't this what it is all about? You have to have schedules, rules and expectations.

Because of the school change my daughter just did, I feel like not only my ex but all three of my sisters are thinking I "caved". Maybe I did, but I looked at my daughter as a person with feelings not as a child. I had one of them to tell me "she's just jerkin your chain" and another one tell me "she needs a boot up her a$$" I definitely think she will regret the decision she made, but she has to find that out for herself.

They do not live with this child, they don't run after this child and they don't provide for this child. I do and I do what I thinks best.

emma, who has been staying in her own little world a lot lately

p.s. as far as the trip thing...bow out if you need to you. If they mention the deposit, if it's that nominal, pay it if need be.




Edited 2/7/2008 5:13 pm ET by emma_b2
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:57pm

What kind of crazy mushroom juice was she drinking? Seriously!!

You are one of the most positive and sweet stable people, from your posts. We always love your stories.

I would chalk this up to the aftermath of divorce in the family thing. It is her problem if she is not over your divorce - I think that is what it is about.

I would not go on the trip. Pay your part of the deposit, say you are busy with business and kid stuff and leave it at that. Give her a big chill for a long time. And do not let her back in more than you would an ex - civil - very little info. No more weekends.

UGH - sorry you have to go through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:29pm

Boy, have I been down this road a time or two!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:53pm

Hi Emma,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:53pm

This is GOOD!!!

What pray tell, did you learn from that book so the mess won't be repeated? I realize you are busy and typed a lot, but couldn't resist asking for more.

Yes - we have to realize their issues are THEIR issues and they have no place to judge us or tell us what to do and we have to give them a chill and keep them at arm's length and not give them enough rope (aka information or familiarity) to hang themselves.

UGH. Not fun!!

I had a huge thing to go through with my sister
1) my moving here and living close to her and my parents. Apparently she wanted to maintain her throne of getting the most attention and being the closest to them by leaving me out of plans or plan making. So, I don't insist on making any plans - I pick and choose what I do, if anything. I am a busy working mom so I don't do lunch - at least not with them.

2) the divorce threw such a monkey wrench into the whole mess - they were angry with me that I caused them that drama and thought I made a bad decision. No one understood or validated my feelings. But I have decided that is their issue and problem. I live my life for me and it is not up for discussion. I do not discuss many of my personal issues or divorce issues with them. None of them will ever understand what it is like to go through a divorce or have to date in this day and age later in life!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:55pm


LOL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 7:01pm

That is really encouraging.