Sleeping with more than one guy?
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Sleeping with more than one guy?
| Fri, 12-21-2007 - 7:20am |
I'm new to the whole dating scene since my divorce was just finalized four months ago. I'm 39 but look 25 to 30. I

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If you're honest with all the guys then it doesn't matter whether we think it is ok - it only matters what you think.
This is of course a personal judgement call for you.
April
I agree with April. I would date more than one guy but I would not be sexually active with more than one guy and it would only be if the guy was exclusive with me, really into me and meets all of my criteria. I am one of those ones who gets emotionally involved with sex and could not handle being with someone who is not into me and only calls once in a while and just for sex. I have been dating for a while since my divorce and have done a lot of research on good relationships and dating and really feel I know what I want and what I don't want.
It sounds like dating is very new to you - and sort of fun at the same time. Perhaps you want to stay dating until you find someone who really matches you and who is really interested in you. Otherwise it sort of sounds from what you write here like you are a little confused and not sure of what to do - that you don't want to displease the guys but you don't want to just have sex with them either. I found from my experience that when a guy just wants sex and does not want you as a girlfriend that you only get the "booty call" treatment - that is when they come on strong as wanting something physical right away and they are not exclusive and they only call or text right when they want sex - which is usually infrequently and late at night.
No matter what you do, be true to yourself and your needs and what you want. And be safe. Keep us posted - we are always here no matter what you decide.
I like the saying, "It's not where you're at, it's where you're going."
"Things are as they are, not as we want them to be."
AMEN!
"I'm new to the whole dating scene since my divorce was just finalized four months ago."
This is key. You see, we all go through these stages of divorce recovery and one of them, believe it or not, is the horny stage. You are getting a lot of emotional milage from dating these younger guys, but please realize it is just sex for them. As long as you are being careful about STD's, everyone involved knows and accepts the situation as it is, and you really are OK with the booty call FWB type thing, then no one can fault you for your choices.
However, if this is just a phase and you aren't really the kind of person who normally would make this choice, I'd say back off, spend some time on yourself, give yourself more time to heal from the divorce. Do you really want a revolving door of guys in your life? What happens when this phase is over and you look back at this period in your life? Will it bother you that you made these choices?
As other posts have pointed out, this is a time to explore who you are now. One aspect of that is who you are sexually. At 39 you are in your prime years as a woman, believe me, I'm going to be 47 Sun. I'm finally slowing down a little. Younger guys have a certain appeal because they have a lot of energy. But I find they lack finesse. Give me a guy who has had a long term relationship and taken the time to really figure out how a woman's body works. Oh yeah, I got a guy like that, LOL.
QueenBun
I understand how you feel about hot younger guys. I love em too. I, personally, don't have sex with more than one guy at a time... if I find one hottie that satisfies those desires, then I'll date others but not sleep with them. I meet plenty of guys (younger guys) who want to have sex with me... But I tell them "no".... and once and a while, i'll say yes. But it's my choice and not a pressure thing, an identity thing or a "maybe he'll want more later" thing.
Sure there were many guys who didn't call me back because he just wanted sex and I wanted more. Oh well... there's plenty other guys and I move on... (he probably moves on too). For me, I'm happy just making out and don't have to go further.. I'll tell a guy where my limit is... if he's of quality, he'll want to see me again, take me out, get to know me, etc..
If he disappears for whatever reason, we weren't a match. I move on without stressing over the reasons.
If you look 10 years younger. I say enjoy the attention. Date with eyes wide open. Be honest and expect the same. Be choosy and have fun. Don't get your identity from men or whether they call back or just want sex. Do what YOU want to do. Don't let other people tell you who you are... And finally WELCOME to the board.
Love,
Loonybunny
April
Thanks for all your words of wisdom. I'm trying to not get my identity from a man but I was married right after I graduated from college so for most of my adult life I was Mrs. So and So. It is hard to be alone so getting physical affection from these guys is really nice.
I have spent many times crying over Mr. 23 (guy #1) because he didn't call back or would rather be partying with his friends. He said that he didn't want a relationship and I thought that I would be okay with the occasional sexual encounters but I did get emotionally attached. I would give my heart to him - I think I already did but I got tired of feeling sad so that's why I started seeing these other guys.
I did mention to the other two guys that I have been treated badly by other men (e.g, another guy I was with that I found out had a girlfriend) and they said that they would treat me nicely. Mr. 22 said that sex isn't all that he is looking for even thought it came off that way. Although realistically having a long-term relationship with someone that young isn't likely - I will always feel like he would rather be with a younger, single woman with no children.
Mr. 22 and Mr. 32 both want to see me this weekend. I need to have a little talk with Mr. 22 about not being pressured into sex. I think I might need to have girls' night out with one of my friends - I need to get away from all these guys who are driving me a little crazy :-)
Loony bunny, that was great advice. I'll keep you posted.
So... how did it go?
>>I will always feel like he would rather be with a younger, single woman with no children.<< I've had those thoughts too. I've often felt like that's the reason i don't find a serious boyfriend... because i'm a single mom and i'm not that young anymore.... BUT you know what, that's a lie. And to feel better, I've taken the pressure OFF finding a boyfriend. It will happen if it happens, but it's really not in my control.... And it doesn't matter whether i have sex/don't have sex, call them first/or not at all, say the right thing/say something stupid, or have kids/don't have kids... It will happen when it's the right guy. BUT in the mean time, i'm not going to sit around moping... That's why i go out with a lot of guys at at time or continue to move on without worrying to much... I'm just myself and I'm true to myself. When it's the right guy, like many have told me here, it will be easy. He won't keep me guessing, etc. But like i said, in the mean time, i don't stress... I enjoy the little things. Like getting a new number... meeting someone new. If he doesn't call... i shake it off. Understand what i'm saying?
Girls Nights Out are the best!!! I think I'm gonna download a new ringtone "This Ones For The Girls" by Martina McBride. When I'm out with the girls, we laugh, we dance, we check out butts... but if we don't meet anyone, it doesn't matter... we've all had a great time out... time to just be ourselves!!!
Love,
Loonybunny
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