Sleepovers with Kids
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Sleepovers with Kids
| Wed, 07-02-2008 - 12:30pm |
OK all this brouhaha with Cute Widow and her 13 yr old daughter and me staying over caused me to wonder what do the other moms do who have kids, especially pubescent kids (teens) who are staying with them all the time?
I have read that some moms are "discrete" in another room with their lover and he does not stay the night and others go over to his place and not stay the night.
How do you explain to your children (if at all)?

Mark, I did not comment on the other thread because I know that in my relationship with SEV, we took things at a pace that is commonly frowned upon.
Single mom of 14 yrs, daughter is 17.
Thanks Moon.
Until SYB I never introduced anyone to him. Then once I met SYB I introduced them at about 4-5 months and then he started sleeping over at about a year into dating because we were talking about moving in and wanted to give DS a chance to adjust rather than throwing it at him right as we moved stuff in. It has worked for us.
I certainly dated a lot prior to having SYB in my life with 3 relationships being exclusive and over two years in length but they were so up and down and I wasnt sure enough to involve him. Either that or the men in question didnt seem interested enough in him which was a red flag that eventually led to break up. He was so young at the time of most of those relationships I figured he didnt need to share in my confusion and he had plenty of male role models like brothers and uncles and grandfathers in addition to his own Dad. I feel like I should mention that the length of those relationships and how long it took me to next them is probably directly related to the fact that things moved slower since I had my son most of the time and was having to find time away from him to date. It made things move slower since we couldnt see each other as often. I dont regret that though. I dont feel like there was time wasted since it gave me a chance to get my life back on track and I felt truly ready for SYB when he came on the scene.
Mark,
I think for this situation it's just that the timing is off.
I've never had Hiker stay here with me overnight while the kids are here. And I've never stayed at his house while his son is there, either. The only time we've stayed overnight at each other's homes is when BOTH sets of our kids are gone. Meaning, if my kids are away, Hiker still won't stay here just because my home is free, because his son is still at home and would notice if his dad didn't come home. So unless both of our kids are tucked away someplace else (grandparents, friend's house, the ex's house)... we don't do overnights.
Now, I will admit that Hiker has been to my house and we've played around while my boys are in bed (and they sleep like ROCKS, and we're not total Angels- lol)... but Hiker won't stay the night. I'll have a story one day if one of my boys should wake up and catch us (yikes) but thankfully that hasn't ever happened in the almost-three years of our dating.
We just have to save our overnights for when we CAN, not just whenever we WANT... because we don't need to be sending out messages to our kids that we won't want them to have. I figure our time alone
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I chime with Shrimps - when DS is not here. He has never seen them spend the night.
But I would NOT ever ever ever have a man spend the night with me if we were not exclusive. That makes me sad at the thought, Mark. But that is me. I know she is different and you are honest and it is her choice. I just feel that she is doing that because she has not had the cold hard reality of our dating world - she is remembering the way it was and got lucky with a 1 year relationship right off the bat.
I still think we are sisters separated at birth or something!!
I thought these words were very wise, Mark.
~s~
I have heard Dr. Joy Browne warn against this especially with children who are in puberty for this sexualizes the environment.
For me, I see how I live my life is the most powerful teacher to my children. I believe no matter what I say, they will learn and pay attention to what I *do* (BTW paying attention to anyone's behavior is more important to what they *say* - as most women here can attest to especially when it comes to dating).
I cannot expect my children to do anything different than the example I set for them. I don't lie to them. I hold myself and them accountable.
When I was dating and having sexual relations with women, I would always do so when my children were with their mother.
Mark