so angry I could spit fire

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
so angry I could spit fire
5
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 11:08pm

He has to go and he is got to go now. I am done done done done. Where do I start????

He is going out more and more and stayed out til 2:30 the other night...I know because his coming home woke me up. He is texting like crazy with someone in front of me. How rude?!!! What bothers me is that I have to be exposed to it. We all know that men move on a bit quicker but usually we don't have to witness it first hand. Now granted, I may be projecting something that is not transpiring but I don't want to be exposed to any questionalble behsviour. It causes confusion and pain even if it is just ego on my part.

So here is the real kicker, I have learned second hand so there may be exagerations invloved, that he has a female friend he has been confiding in about me that also knows my brothers. He has made himself out like some hero who is going above and beyond to take care of poor desolute me. She made mention that he should not have to do so much for me because I have brothers who could take care of me. WTF!!!!!! I am so angry because this B@#$% doesn't know s@#$ and he is feeding her crap. I don't ask anything more of this man than to provide for his child. Anything additional he has volunteered himself. My brothers are of high standing in this town and I am sure she wants to stay in favor but I am tempted (although I am above doing anything) of letting them in on the crap being spewed. They would set her and him straight so fast.

Let's look at the facts....

I take in unemployed ex
I still take on majority of child raising
I work my own job
I own my own home
I don't talk s#@$ to people who would interact with him
I am working my connections to find him a job in the field of his choice( pilot)
I pay for everything related to child (his support covers child care only which allows me t work and keep a roof over everyone's head)

Does this sound like a woman sponging off her sperm donor????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 11:33pm

I read you post and I am kind of more angry with you.. not this loser EX.. What are you doing girl. Kick him out. Dont give him any explainations. If you are done thats it. If you want child support ask for it. Fist and foremost he should be out. Return your keys to you. If he wants to see his kid he has to find scheduled time. Dont worry about the female he is talking to. You are the one enabling this. So you cant blame anyone. You sound too good to be true. Why are you doing this. This guy has moved on or is almost ready to move on. You will be really hurt if you continue to have any soft spot for him.


Good luck.. And please get him out officially and come back and post. I just dont like the way he treats you. Also why ARE YOU looking for a job for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 1:29am

If you are going to spit fire... how about make roasted marshmellows add chocolate and make a smores... alright maybe not a good joke.. (i was going with the making lemonade out of lemons thing). Anyway, it is one day at a time!!!!!


You have been being very gracious ..... i hope you are able to let go of what some other woman thinks... You are also trying to do right by your son and allow him and his dad bond... You are doing everything right.


Now it's time to look at boundaries... i've learned that when something is making us upset, then we have to set a boundary... setting a boundary will make you feel better and you will get your peace back. trust me. how about give him a time table, or state your expectations... state what's not

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 9:29am

Oh I do SO hate when people gossip and they don't know "the real story" or "the whole story" even. I SO know how you feel, but on a different spectrum.


KICK HIM OUT.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 1:54pm

Hmm... I would have a talk to him and tell him straight out that:

A) his time to leave is now, you can give him the name/ number of a cheap hotel he can stay at and

B) tell him what it is that you heard him saying about you.

It doesn't have to get nasty, just state it matter-of-fact like that you heard he had said XYZ and you were hurt that he felt that way. Whether or not he clarifies what was said or apologizes is irrelevant, the fact will be that you get it out and let him know how you feel, and set the boundary of what you will accept from him.

It's fine for him to move on from a non-existent relationship with you, but he doesn't have to put you down to make himself look better.

I would also tell your brothers what is being said, I'm sure they would appreciate to know what is being said about THEM as well- you don't have to be gossipy, just a head's up that you heard something. I'm sure they would like to set the record straight that their sister is JUST FINE without a man's help.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 2:01pm

You know what Honey? Who CARES what whomever he is spewing to, thinks of you. YOU know who & what you are. Your child knows. Your family & friends know. THATS what (& who) matters.


I know it doesnt make it easier to swallow, hearing all that - but really, in the grand scheme, you know how capable you are & what a great mom you are. AND how smart you will be when his arse is OUT THE DOOR!

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