So answer me this...
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So answer me this...
| Thu, 05-11-2006 - 8:25pm |
So let me ask all of you this.
A massage can be a friendly thing...I agree.
A hug, a friendly thing.
I kiss on the cheek a friendly thing.
But when u r getting that massage and laying between someone's legs...a guy friend lets say that many of you seem to have... Do you allow him to kiss and nibble on your ears?
Her comment to kissing was, that complicates things and it usually doesn't stop there.
I am not mad, I am not going crazy, I really feel mellow. In fact I almost feel great that we had such a great day together.

Aces, I agree now with others- I think she's using you for the attention and the great way you make her feel.
Who wouldn't love a massage, hug, kiss on the cheek, even the ears, knowing they could turn it off at any time, and the guy was so honorable he wouldn't push for more?
Heck, yes we all love to be made to feel good about ourselves. Especially when we're fresh out of a relationship that ended, probably badly. Especially when it's a coworker, who is funny, and kind, and treats us to all kinds of really sweet gestures. Especially when said coworker can take no for an answer but doesn't exactly give up, making us feel like we're So worth it.
If you're cool with it, more power to you, but no, I wouldn't let any of my male friends engage in any of the above mentioned activites- and they wouldn't want to, just as my female friends wouldn't want to.
Moody- who's hesitant to even post this
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Aces, I haven't been posting much because everyone else has said it all... but man, dude- you keep playing with fire. A fire where you KNOW you are already getting burned but yet you keep going back for more!!
No, I would not let a male just-friend kiss me. Nor would I let him ANYWHERE near my ears with his mouth!! And if a male just-friend started doing that to me, I'd put a stop to it immediately! I don't see those moves being just "a friendly thing". Nope, no way.
The massage part- if it's just a simple shoulder rub (with clothes ON)- maybe. But no further than just the shoulders. Massaging more than the shoulders is something I'd want only a date to do (or a paid masseuse!). And to be sitting between legs... that's not something I'd be doing with a just-friend either. But that's me- and I'm not her.
But I think it's nuts that you'd even make those moves on her when she's already told you that it's "just friends" between you two. That would've been crossing the line if I was the woman there.
And because she allowed it to happen... then I have to say she is totally using you and doesn't care cr@p for you and even being her friend is a far reach, IMO. If she cared for you at all, even as a friend, and wanted to maintain a friendship... she would not have allowed any "great day together" stuff to have happened in the first place.
She's fire- and if you keep playing with her, you WILL get burned. I'm not sure how much clearer I can get.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Well Moody and others...just had probably the last conversation I will have with her for a long time.
I agree with all of you and I was cool with it. In fact, I am cool with it to an extent. I just know that if she doesn't call me or come back then I know for sure that I got used and I guess I will be filled with some bitterness. At least it was a good learning experience. Of course she agreed that it was simply bad timing but she said she was doing me a favor by not kissing me and moving forward. She knows that I would get emotionally attached (which I think we all know I already was) and that she would be leaving...basically I would end up getting hurt. So...I have some bitterness already but I am not angry. I told her I would be here for her. Nothing else I can do but stay busy and move on. She of course said it was easier for her because she has her daughter and she realizes that I don't have something like that to occupy my time. All and all I appreciate all the advice from all of you. I am concerned that some of you out there seem like u really got screwed in your relationships and that really sucks. I hope you all aren't soooo bitter forever.
ACES
Well...personally, I think you should drop her like a bad habit. Okay, she may have some of the qualities that you're looking for and you think that you're smitten with her, and you probably are, but she just isn't the person for you. Sounds like she's leading you on in more ways than one. Sure, she probably does like all the attention, but she's hurting you by trying to feed her ego. There's no way that I would be sitting/laying between someone's legs if I thought we were just friends. There's no way that I would lead them on by letting them touch me/massage me, etc. I think that she's doing you wrong, she's already made it clear by her words that it's not going to progress into anything other than being friends, so why do you keep putting yourself out there for her to take advantage of/walk on? You just have to realize that it IS her loss, not yours, and move on as best as you can!
Lots of luck, big hugs...there IS someone out there that is right for you!!
Kait
"I just know that if she doesn't call me or come back then I know for sure that I got used and I guess I will be filled with some bitterness. At least it was a good learning experience."
I don't think you've learned anything from the experience if you even remotely believe that there's a chance of happily ever after between the two of you. Even if she gets in touch with you again, please realize that you got used and any contact she has with you = you getting used again.
The way you are about this woman reminds me of a bachelor friend I have. He's almost 40 and never been married because he fixates on unattainable women. Women who enjoy him because he makes them laugh and because he follows them around like a lost puppy. All the while they feed off him making themselves larger and denegrating him in the process.
I don't expect that you'll learn anything from my post because I've been counseling my bachelor friend for the last 15 years and he still doesn't get it.
Hi Aces,
You have some great advice and answers here from all the ladies. If nothing else this shows us what it looks like when someone is that into us.
But for you I am afraid that this sounds like the last straw. I know you tried and that you feel this incredible connection, but unless the other party sees it and acts on it then it doesn't matter.
I think that you should stop all contact with her and let your feelings for her fade. And they will in time with no contact. She is moving, soon, too, so that will help.
I'm coming into this story late and don't know all the details ...
But who initiated the massage, Aces?