So Confused...could use some insight....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2010
So Confused...could use some insight....
3
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 4:19pm

So, in the last month, I've been spending a lot of time talking to a very nice guy and have gone out on a handful of dates with him.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:06am

Whether he is playing games or forgets, the bottom line is he is unreliable in that regard. A handful of dates does not make a solid relationship in my opinion.

Why don't you just let him know that you find his behavior as unreliable?

Reliability and responsibility are key qualities for a partner for me and if the person does not demonstrate that then I would keep looking to date others.

If you continue to talk with him then why don't you just stop him when he offers to get a hold of you (call, text, whatever) or follow up and tell him from his past behavior that you don't expect that from him and don't bother to tell you that? If you want to continue this relationship then just expect to be the person to do the follow up rather than him.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 9:14am

Lots of glaring red flags here. Talking about the future when you guys barely know each other, introducing you to his daughter so soon when most mature responsible parents wait until they are pretty sure that the relationship will be long term; (after only a handful of dates neither you nor he can be sure that that this relationship will go the distance). It takes a good 9 months to a year of dating to even begin to get to know the real person - right now, you've just met his representative. Please don't involve your children until you are really sure about this or any other guy. Children don't date, they get attached and when things don't work out, they don't understand and feel hurt and rejected.

Then you say he says he'll call you but doesn't follow through. I think his excuse is baloney.. If something is important enough to you, you do it; and he's not doing it, so he's blowing smoke up your a$$.. He's not calling you because it is not enough of a priority which makes his words and talk of the future pretty meaningless.

Do you really want to be with a man who does not keep his word? At this stage of the relationship, he should be on his best behavior, so you have to wonder what he'll be like a year or two down the road when he feels he doesn't have to try quite so hard.

I think you should throw this fish back.. Being unreliable is an absolute deal breaker - especially as a single mother - you have enough on your plate without having wonder whether the guy you are dating is actually going to keep his word.

Best wishes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:57am

this behavior would bother me. If he's kind of vague and says "I'll call you soon" that's one thing, but if he says "I'll call you on Friday" and doesn't & that happens often, it would be a problem for me. I can see the occasional thing happening--his DD gets sick or he gets tied up at work, but not on a regular basis. So I would say can you live w/ someone who is that unreliable? You know I used to have a friend in high school, who was actually a good friend, but a lot of times she would cancel at the last minute. So it got to the point where it was ok to make plans w/ her & others, so that if she did cancel it wouldn't be too disappointing. So sometimes if you can accept that this is the way a person is and you find a way to work around it, it could still work.

I do know, though, when I first started dating my 2nd DH, we basically were in touch either by phone or email every night. Now I wouldn't say that it's necessary to do that when you have only been dating a short time but if you really like someone & the relationship is new, wouldn't you WANT to call them all the time? It's not like remembering to call the dentist to make an appt--the GF should be on your mind enough to remember. He still could be playing you and dating others--you never know, so be cautious. I don't see any reason to introduce your kids to him until you have become more serious.