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| Sat, 07-05-2008 - 4:18am |
I'm having a GREAT 3 day weekend. Saw Cute Widow Thursday. She made me a yummy Thai dinner at her place and ate with her daughter. Her daughter was bratty but then she's an almost teenager. According to CW, she's just "showing off" for me and not usually like that.
We went downtown for "First Thursday" where all the art galleries that are in this one district have an open house. They usually have free wine and hourdurves and live music. We met my 60 yr old friend T and had a lot of fun walking around the galleries and downtown in the warm Summer weather checking out the artwork, listening to live music and drinking cheap wine. We ended the night at one of those cheap conveyor sushi places but had killer jazz and there was a bar upstairs. Nice thing was that CW was checked for her ID (she's 49! and the drinking age is 21). I love being a dirty old man!
Today we took her tandem kayak out on the river and tooled up to listen to the 5 day live blues concert out on the waterfront. Tonight me and my kiddos with her and her daughter went to have dinner with my 60 yr old friend T along with our 42 yr old friend and her BF at T's condo. We BBQ'ed chicken, brats, scallops, and salmon. Afterward we went down to the waterfront to watch two barges worth of fireworks shoot up. We had fresh strawberries, fresh whipped cream and ice cream for dessert. We all had a great time except for CW's daughter. She was dropped off back at home after dinner.
No stayovers. It was great I got to show off my great kids and of course everyone loved them.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

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That is a heartwarming story - and your step dad sounds like a very wonderful man!! Sort of like my uncle in many ways.
It is also encouraging for all of us to read that ones like that are out there!! Heaven help us each find one!! LOL!!
Thanks for sharing you story eponine. It's too early in the relationship for me to think about how CW's daughter fits into the mix. My co-worker who is one year younger than me and been out of a long marriage about 2 yrs now does not want to date women who have children that are still at home. He has two grown daughters, one ready to give birth.
For me, I think it is hard enough to find a partner who is compatible in the ways I am seeking (e.g. values, temperment, lifestyle, outlook, personality, etc.) to eliminate her because of her child(re). I figure if we work out then I'll deal with the other "stuff" as we grow our relationship. I see CW as a good mother so that is another key value for me.
CW's daughter tends to isolate herself anyway so doing family things are not going to be part of CW and my activities. CW's daughter did not want to watch the fireworks, did not want to go kayaking, and complained about the food so that eliminated a lot of common activities right there LOL. I'll let CW dictate how much to include her daughter or not. I'm easy.
My kids are not interested in being friends with my friends/gf's family so that's ok. They go along with me when I want them too but they have their own lives and friends. I have shared my kids with my gf's on activities like hiking, kayaking, etc. but they like the activity so that was OK. What I love about my children is that they are easy going and pretty adaptable in doing things that I want to do with the people I do it with.
I appreciate your story for it gives another perspective on dealing with "another man" as a girl growing up.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Could be the cw's daughter is showing off. Could be that she is NOT happy with the situation. Behavior changes and acting up are signs of rebelling against something. I've seen it in my own. When they were around my abusive ex bf they were on their worst behavior. downright rude. But when they were around the engineer I had a long relationship with they were good as gold.
Mark, I am truly glad you found someone and am happy for you. But I see some warning signs here. I didnt call this weekend after I heard about your 3 day weekend plans. I didnt want to interrupt.
Laurie
The thing that also worries me is that CW brings men into her daughters life so easily. Her daughter got attached to her old bf then she loses him when they break up. So now DD has lost her dad, her moms bf that she befriended and now risks that with you. No wonder she complains and acts up.
My kids are not going to meet any men until I know for sure he's the one I am going to settle down with.
Laurie
Mark,
I'm glad that your weekend went fairly smoothly. CW sounds like a wonderful woman, and by her pic you're a lucky guy :P
As for her daughter... I understand that CW has not been parading men through her life- she had one long term bf since the loss of her dh, and was with the bf for a year before it ended last year. In CW's experience, she knows what she wants and doesn't wait, since she knows how quickly it can be taken away- so she saw a good man in you, as we all know and love, and felt ok to let you into both their lives.
I wanted to know what CW's relationship with her dd is like- just the two of them?
I fought with my mother horribly as a teenager- she traded in the fights with my dad for fights with me when they divorced. I didn't know at the time that she was sick, I had only known her that way so for me it was normal. When my stepdad entered the picture, my mother and I weren't settled in a peaceful relationship, so he was off to a rocky start.
CW's daughter may just need some reassuring quality time with mom before you're too much in the picture. She was close to the bf, and her father, and she will want to lash out before opening up- to test if you'll be around or not. If CW shows that she is stable with you, and you give her time to trust you, then she will open up. For now, focus on your time with CW alone and let the daughter get used to the idea of you.
And try not to rub in about your kids behaving so well- they're at a different age/ maturity level and situation than your children- they didn't lose their father. I know you wouldn't purposefully do it, but people can sometimes sense attitude too.
I think you have the potential here for something great- do keep us posted!
CW and her daughter get along well. And CW knows that her daughter has her moods and is doing the puberty thing as well. Yes it is the two of them. CW's father is around but she does not get along with him. They do see each other but apparently it's stressful for her.
I don't rub in that my kids are better than her kid. CW likes that my kids like me and that I'm a good dad. I just enjoy them. DS19 asked if he can do some odd jobs for her since he is looking for work and she wants to hire him.
I'm not out to be CW's daughter's friend. I am friendly to her when I see her. I let CW be the one who offers to include her daughter or not. CW knows I don't mind and supports whatever she wants.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Ok the three day weekend is officially over. Very nice. What I love about CW is that she is upfront, honest, empathetic, appreciative, and doesn't go into her head to read into something that is not there. She likes me and I like her. I really never had a relationship that is so easy, low key and nice. She does not sweat the small stuff and likes to plan like me. She even gets the NY Sunday Times which means she wants to be informed (and don't all "smart" people read that? LOL).
Our 24 mile bike ride with a group went well. She was the last in the group and I hung back with her as well as the group leader. Even though she is slow I liked the fact she is active (CNDG was not into such things).
She, her daughter and I went out to brunch afterwards and that was OK. Her daughter behaved and CW had to remind her to be nice when her daughter started talking negatively about someone they both knew and when she was not being nice to her mother. No negative flack toward my way. I crashed on her couch this afternoon from the late nights, Fourth of July drinking, kayaking, and bike ride. She ran errands and afterwards I left to go volunteer at the festival.
I called her my girlfriend and she liked that. We also talked about the short time we know each other but how we both feel very comfortable with each other. I don't feel head-over-heels with her which is OK but very solid.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Mark:
I'm so happy things are going well for you.
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