So glad I found this forum!!

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
So glad I found this forum!!
8
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 2:31pm

I was addicted to the ivillage msg boards when I was pregnant with my girls, and here I am now the single mom and I'm honestly lost.


I have nobody in my life who I feel understands how hard it is to find someone as a single mom, so I plan on coming here often. I don't know how good my advice for others would be considering that I am just totally lost.


A little about me before I go into my recent heart break is that I'm a single mother of two girls ages 6 and 7. I'm 36yrs old and I work for the hospital in pediatrics.


When I split with my ex I just wanted to take a little break. After 9 months I had a casual relationship with a man I'm still friends with. It was very refreshing how brutally honest he was about not wanting anything serious, and probably it was the perfect thing for me at the time. Since then I've had a string of very pathetic first dates. I'm not even that picky lol.. actually looking me in the eyes and at least pretending like you're engaged in conversation with me goes a long way! haha.


Anyway, fast forward to recently. I met the most amazing man. I felt like I had found the most perfect relationship since I was in my mid 20's! Not even counting my marriage when it was good! I always felt like in all of my relationships one person was into it more than the other. In this relationship we were both there, totally smitten with eachother. I could see it in his eyes, how attentive he was towards me... everything fit just perfectly. I

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 2:50pm

All I can say is arrrrrggggggggggggg.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 3:00pm

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 9:26pm

I'm curious.... How long were you two dating?


sorry to hear you are going thru this... but keep moving and you will get thru it! (past tense)


I understand how you feel because i experienced a similar break up less than a month ago... and i still think about him everyday... it doesn't hurt like it used to but i didn't get closure from him.. Argh.... he turned on a dime ... i REALLY wanted to know what happened but i wasn't about to keep calling him for answers. He blew me off a few nights in a row and that was it for me... time for me to let him go and move on... We weren't even dating for very long.. i thought it wouldn't bother me too much.. but i guess when there are unanswered questions or things left unsaid... it makes it harder to stop thinking about ...


When i left my ex husband 3 years ago, i had closure.. we went round and round with the same conversations and i saw the truth.. my ex husband wasn't going to change... my only decision left was to leave him and venture on my own... but with this recent ex boyfriend... we didn't have that conversation... we didn't even make it past the first fight... what a whimp really... whatever he was thinking he wasn't man enough to talk to me about it... he sent me a couple BS text messages... you're too good for me... kinda bull.... whereas i wanted a full on discussion.. why did he think i was too good for him.. why did he think we "had" to break up... maybe i'll never know... and i have to let it go.. sometimes daily or several times a day... i say "i forgive and i let it go!"


So, i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone... sometimes it help if i have a good cry.. just mourn the loss of what might have been/could have been...


then i try to focus on the positives.. what i learned about myself... how i can move forward... For one thing i learned that i have some trust issues to work thru because of my abusive/addict ex husband... but i also learned that i wasn't a doormat this time around. I expressed how i felt and what i wanted/needed... i practiced courage! Even though it hurt to trust someone knew, i was working thru it everyday... I was honest with myself and honest with him... I have a feeling now that he wasn't honest with me... but it's only speculation at this point because he didn't want to talk about it... And it reminded me that i worked hard to become a whole person without a man in my life.. i was happy before i met him, when i was with him, and i will be happy again now that he's not in my life.... i have a solid foundation of self.... like that new Jewel song that is my new favorite.. I learned that i am a "Stronger Woman"... and i can hold onto that for as long as it takes...


Glad you found this board... hope to learn more about you and your children.


Welcome to the board. You will find many caring women (and a couple guys) who will hold you up and lift you up when you feel down.


((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))


Loonybunny


Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 11:33pm

Yes! I feel silly it was just under two months. I also get so angry at myself for involving my children. In fact meeting them wasn't even planned. We

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 12:39am

Looks like we have a breakup in common.... and i totally understand about >>>So many different things go through my head as to what could of happened, but trying to figure all that out just drives me crazy<<. LOL.... i've done this too... but like i said, what really helps me once my mind starts "trying" to figure out what happened... is really just repeat over and over again.. i forgive, i forgive.... i let it go... i say to myself, i WILL believe it wasn't me at ALL... i will tell myself i believe all those positive things.. he just wasn't man enough to handle my amazing qualities, etc.... this guy wasn't man enough for you either.... you're right, they start falling and then their own insecurities cause them to run... not you and not me... i say to myself.... i didn't do anything "wrong" and i wouldn't have done anything different... Like that Martina McBride song "Do It Anyway".... are you familiar with that song.... because it takes courage to date, to risk, to start over, to open up to someone.... but i will do it anyway... that makes me a winner no matter how many times my heart gets broken...


>>Thats a cop-out to ease your own guilt for being a coward and unable to verbalize whats really going on.<<I agree that guy and my

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 1:25am

lol.. we are kindrid spirits girl. I'm a date-a-holic. I never stay down long, and I just shake it off and move on. You know that old fable the Mule in the Well? I won't post it here, but you can google it. Thats my life right there.. shake it off and move on. I know I am contradicting myself here with whining over a man, this was just that ONE Guy that threw me for a loop in a very very long time.


I'm also fine with casual relationships as long as they're up front about it. Thats all I ask. Sometimes its just nice to have something to look forward to. Someone to enjoy on those rare Sundays that I have to myself.


I do go through dating breaks though. A while back I just had three aweful first dates in a row and said oh the hell with it and took a little break haha. However, I'll probably be back on my feet and ready to give it another go. I'm just worried that right now I'll be quick to compare. Trying so hard to get that perfect feeling again.


And omg so much in common with this guy, blah. Yah, I'd be in comparison mode if I started dating again just yet.

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 7:35am

One of my friends described exactly what you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 11:28am

I here ya.... Hey, you don't live too far away.... roadtrip??? I have a brother who lives in Goldsborough, NC... is that far from you? maybe the next time i visit him, you and i can get together for a drink or something.....


Looking forward to hearing more of your dating stories....