So I said no dating, but I have to say..
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| Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:38pm |
I have this guy friend, I've known him for at least 10 years. Now he was also a friend of my ex, more a friend to him first than to me. We grew up in a pretty small town, a lot of people know everybody. Anyways, since my ex and i broke up, my ex's mother told our friend, Jason, that he needed to choose between James and I. For awhile I thought he had chosen James but he didn't talk to me for about 2 weeks, and then one day he tells me that James is a jerk and he's sorry he knew James had cheated on me and he didn't say anything about it, but I understand in a way.
Anyways back in April when I found out about James' cheating, which I had known but didn't want to face it, but I called Jason and reemed him out using the f word a few times in the conversation and told him how disrespectful it was for him to go to the Keys, which I didn't know about until James didn't come home, and knew why he was going down there and still came in my house and acted like my friend, it was a disrespect to me and my children, who were like his nieces and nephew. He didn't say a word he let me flip out and i hung up.
Then after he was told to choose and the 2 weeks came and went he just called out of the blue and explained to me why he had done what he had done. It was none of his business and he didn't want to get involved and to be honest I think he "was" afraid of my ex. Now he is all over me. He has always liked me and I have known that. But now he tells me he loves my kids and if I need anything he's here for me. We went and did some work for our friends the other day and he pulled up to some old mutual friends who have gotten downhill and showed me off I wanna say which pissed me off, but.... besides that... he is always checking me out but never comments. He tells all the workers ( our friends business workers, he works for them ) how much helikes me, but it stops at that. He is great with my kids when he sees them. He'll pick my son up at our friends house and take him outback to hang out with the guys and to get away from mommy for awhile. Without me having to ask him to, he's great. They dont leave the yard but it's a huge yard with stables and a barn, like a no animal farm, LOL. Just a bunch of hunting dogs. He took me to register my daughter at pre-school the other day and I told him I just wasn't into dating but since he backed off I miss it, you know. I called him tonight he was sound asleep woke up and I said I'll let you go andhe said no no, talk and I said you gotta work in the morning and I dont have nothing to do, go back to bed he said yeah you ahve 3 kids you have something to do and he said go to childcare association tomorrow. He's great but I didn't think I liked him, I thought it was weird seeing how I've known him for so long, and he's not my type in way shape or form but now...I dont know. I had to call him tonight, I dont know why I just had to, it was eating at me all day. Should i give him a chance or swear off dating still. He thinks James is wrong in the whole situation with the brainwashing and thinks my daughter should be in counseling and said that even he thinks James should sign over rights. He was joking asked what I was getting him for his birthday next month and I said what do you want and he said never ever ask me that question again in a shy tone and I said why what do you want and he said please dont make me answer that. He tried to take me out to breakfast the other morning but I wouldn' eat and I got something to drink and he tried to stare in my eyes but I couldn't make eye contact at all. I dont know if it's my insecurities or the small town deal and everyone will know or what it is. I'm afraid maybe he just wants to sleep with me but I know thats not it. Maybe I should sort out these answers first, any advice would be helpful. Thanks I'm a pain aren't I? I would be this guys whole world. Have you heard the song by Brad Paisley where he says to the world you're just a girl but to me you are the world, well that would describe mine and his relationship. I am not use to nice guys and dont know how to react.

"For my children I've even put off dating 100%. I have a really good guy friend who would give me the world treat me like the world but I told him no I was going through to much and my children didnh't need another stressor in their life right now."
The quote above is from your other thread.
From what you write he is a good guy who has liked you a long time. And you know what? His feelings are going to stay that way.
BUT for now you have to put yourself first. Time to rebuild your life and your children's lives.
You have a lot of drama going on with your exh and visitation with the kids and obtaining child support. Even though you have the piece of paper, you don't have the stability. It bothers you that your exh is with that OW. It bothers you he doesn't pay child support - and it should - you have to sort that out. Things your exh and his OW do bother you so much you don't want to see your own kids with them - their father.
You have to get to the point where none of that matters. You have to sort it out in court and in your own head. You have to come to the point in your life where you have a stable life with friends and activities and your kids are doing great and adjusted. You have to get over your exh and realize that what he did has nothing to do with you - it is all about him and the way he felt and he is not the one for you based on what he did.
It takes time for this. Until you are really over your past and have a great present life and future and are HAPPY then you should not date. Because your whole relationship will be about dealing with your exh and your hurts and it won't work - then you will feel even more empty than before. And your pain will be great.
Chill it out with this guy for right now - just tell him you are busy and appreciate his patience and help. Don't let the physical chemistry take over. Because then you are going to be worrying about everything he does on top of all that you have now. You are not going to be able to pace yourself - it will turn into a wild ride.
When your life is good you CAN pace yourself with someone. You can be objective and ask how does this work for ME instead of trying like wild to please him and get his attention.
The one thing I like here is that he sounds nice and would make you his world. I like his integrity. BUT I don't like the timing.
If he is meant to be he will wait another 6 mos to a year for you to sort stuff out. ANd you know what? He will appreciate you and respect you more and you will be more special because you made him wait. When something is meant to be, it can wait. It doesn't have to be tomorrow.
Jennie has a lot of great points too about how important your kids are. Do the work now with them so you can enjoy greener pastures later.
Keep us posted. Be strong.
I know the feelings have been there since I've been about 9, seriously, he always had a childhood crush on me and I think his timing is off, and he was a mutual friend of mine and my ex's. I no longer love my ex, I dont think I ever really did, but if I did it started dying right around the time I got pregnant with my son in September of '04, we just pushed it as long as we could pretty much. The OW only bothers me in the fact that she and my ex's family build her up on a high pedestal and bring me down. If she wants to be in my childrens lives, fine, but my ex and I haven't said one word, not one word to each other since June, and that was a 2 minute phone call when i asked him what he wanted and he said shoudn't we talk and I said I was busy I was waiting on a call plus I was standing there naked in the bathroom with the shower running when I took the call ( no I did not tell him that ) I didn't know ti was him it was a number I had never seen before on my cell.
The OW also knows this other guy Jason who likes me, they use to be friends, which is what scares me the most I think. He says they weren't friends she was a user and he never did anything with her because of her history with guys. I feel bad for my ex though. Although I do not love him and will never want to be with him again, she is all wrong for him, because she cheats on him every weekend, and the worst part is he's caught her more than twice in the cheating dept. I dont know what she has to gain with my children, except for she's 19 and a hussy ( seriously and this isn't just my perspective it's the gods honest truth ) and this is a game to her and my children are not prizes won in a game only to say ha I won now I'm done.
I like talking to Jason and he knows I have a lot going on, but at the same time I dont wanna keep talking to him if there's not gonna be a chance. I feel bad and I feel like the user because he is constantly trying to help and nothing I say stops him. He says you know if you need anything let me know. I'll do this and that and I tell him no, but then it hurts him and I dont know, I feel bad. He has already spoken with my daughter this morning and told her Happy Birthday and her other family hasn't called yet. And he's not my type but I just cant get him out of my head. I feel like a dork, LOL. Like when I was 14 with a crush on a guy but didn't know what to do, LOL!! I hadn't talked to him in 2 days and I just had to call him, I couldn't get him off my mind, and I have told everybody there is no chance but there's just something about him, I cant let him get away. He's not out looking for anybody else and he uses every excuse in the world to be at his boss' house, because i am there all the time, which I will be there this weekend as well, with my children of course.
I wanna wait I really do, but something keeps telling me if I dont react then it's done, and I know that's not true and I need to be manless. I feel great without a guy, seriously but you just never know what could happen in one day, one month or one year. AHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAH, I am so confused, but thanks for the advice I will keep it in mind before I do anything hasty, because my children do come first regardless of anything, my problem though he would put my children first as well and everyone is telling me to give him a chance and like I said I would be his world but at the same time I am so confused I could change his perspective at any given time because of the situation. I'm gonna have to sleep on this ( even though I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about how great he is and what was I missing and why does he want me I have 3 kids and I'm not a prize winner ( but for him I would be ) I mean come on, I have 3 kids and have moved back in with my parents I'm going through a nasty divorce basically and my 5 yr. old is in counseling, and I'm a cutie and all but my other qualities outweigh my loosk, LOL. ) If only things were differnt, timing and he didn't know my ex and if I'm this confused already how will I work a relationship out, really!