So many thoughts! (long)
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| Sun, 07-20-2008 - 12:19pm |
Ok, where to begin...
I met this guy on line, we have been together over the last month. Don't get to see each other that much, as he lives about 45 minutes away. However, there are daily texts (all answered ASAP - impressive!)with lots of silliness, and when we are together it is for hours and hours and the conversation is very, very easy. He also thinks I am pretty (something my ex didn't tell me for years), remembers just about everything I say (my ex didn't even know when my birthday was...) We actually wound up sleeping together (my first time in three years, and the years before that it was AWFUL), it was the best I had ever had, seriously. He asked me to stay over (all our kids were away)and all the conversation continued until I had to leave.
I am a big girl, I really wanted to hop in the sack with him, not only because I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to see if how I felt about my ex in the sack was valid (he sucked...and yes, I was validated). So I don't feel that because I slept with him that he owes me anything.
To listen to him, I am pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else, and I am certainly not. He has mentioned introducing me to his son (whom he is very protective of). There is no talk of the future or anything like that and I am ok with that.
OK, now the worry begins. Part of me wants to stop this now! How nuts is that? I am terrified of being rejected, I am terrified of falling for this guy. I haven't dated much since my divorce, and this is the only person I have seen more than once. I went into this thinking I could be casual and am trying really hard not to project anything. He asks me so many questions about me, what I think or feel about things, it feels like he really wants to know me. But then some voice in my head says this can't possibly be for real, so I'll nip this in the bud and just move on. He has told me about being rejected by "serial daters" and how it really kind of hurt his feelings. So here I am, the biggest squishy heart on the face of the earth, thinking of doing it to save myself from hurt.
But part of me would like to carry on, as I really enjoy his company, and I think he is someone my kids would like and I think he would be nice to my kids. I am not looking to be married or anything, just to have someone who wants to be with me, but know that it is sort of committed.
How do people get through this part? How do you let yourself give it a chance, knowing that it could end in being hurt? My ex hurt me so bad, that I have a hard time trusting.
And with the advice I got on this board, I did find a counselor to help unload some of this baggage, so thanks!

Well, I would not want to "continue" unless I was sure he did want a relationship. Because if he does not - they you don't want to keep seeing him if he does not in the hopes that he will.
I think you should talk to him about the way that you feel. I think you are very smart to ask these questions - because you don't want to just take a chance with your heart and fall for him and then find out he is not on the same page.
It is great that you have gotten counseling - that is the best gift you can give yourself.
And if this one does not want you and a relationship with you - then NEXT - you had a good time and next time you can do things different to find one who will really court you and really want a great relationship with you so you don't have to ask these questions after you sleep with him. But you never know -maybe this one does want the same thing? I believe you should "live in the light" and find out - you owe yourself that before you waste more time. Dating smart is about dating with yourself in mind - what does this bring me and what does this do for me.
Good luck! Glad you found us!!