So today's question is....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
So today's question is....
22
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 4:39pm

J said that she was going to call me tonight, before she left town for the weekend.

Anyone want to lay off any bets on this one?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 11:50am

I TOTALLY AGREE to this post! If someone says they will call me, they better do it or have a darn good excuse why they didn't. That means a car accident, death in the family, but not because they forgot. That to me, means they aren't that into me and I have no time for that. Definitely DO NOT CALL HER. It was her call, you continue to make it her call and don't chase after her and ask what happened. Just let it go, if she is curious why you aren't running after her, she'll probably think she might have seen you way to wrong. Maybe she thought you were coming on to strong with the flowers, or you guys talked to much and she felt she couldn't breath. So now... I would say you let her know, you aren't pining or thinking of her. Turn it around. No matter what if she calls, she'll call, but you won't act like your chasing after her and you won't make yourself feel any worse running after her and feeling like an idiot later. The ball is in her court now.

The no calling thing for me would be a MAJOR strike. It means she's not that interested.

Sorry for that darlin! Big big hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 9:15pm

Thanks for all the support ...

I'm doing my best not to read a bunch into this. Unfortunately, I fell hard for this one...I'm beginning to think as hard as what I did for my Ex some 23 years ago. I haven't felt this way about any of the women that I've dated since the separation, not even close...I'd managed to keep them distant enough emotionally. But J snuck right in and took up residence in my heart. Ugh! I'm totally out of control here.

I may have eaten 800 calories today, I fall asleep thinking about her, and wake up to her as well. I took the kids bowling today and of course I wondered if J liked to bowl.

Stick a fork in me...I'm done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 9:31pm

Just hang in there until next week.

When you are older you have more at stake and get more overwhelmed at the prospect of a new relationship. It could be that she just needed time to think and chill.

It could be a lot of things not even related to you. I have a hunch that we will have a good message from you on Sunday night or Monday.

Some people are very good about calling and others are not. Don't read too much into this yet.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 8:36am

az_tbone,
someone should stick me with a fork lol
he called after I was all in a panic
a day late but we had a mixed communication
he didn't realize I was off work fri
when he didn't call and I had e-mailed him
I was totally freakin' lmao
to his credit he says don't worry
we can get together sometime this week or next week-end
he wanted me to come spend the nite fri night
but it was such short notice I didn't want to up
and leave my son he was totally cool because I had made plans
to visit my brother and spent some time thurs
with my daughter and her b/f
he has two sons so he can relate and I think there is mutual respect
I felt like it was the end of the world
hopefully we will see each other before the week-end is out
I think j will call
she might not even be aware of how important that phone call
you didn't get was to you
man I can understand how you can't get her out of your head
it's like an obsession lol because he is definitely occupying
my thoughts
I decided I am going to relax just chill and get my equilibrium back
if possible man this is nuts he's like a piece of chocolate and I am
a chocolate lover
well sorry this is so long but you are not alone
we just never know when our heart will take over our mind
we have been invaded lol by the monster of LOVE
guess we have to go with the flow
hoping I don't drown ;)
I agree with west
wait and see
otherwise you will end up
crazy like me lol
nightangel

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:18am

You've fallen hard for her. She hasn't. This sounds harsh but if she was head over heels for you, she would have called. Play it cool. When she calls you (if she does), don't answer right away. Let her leave a voicemail and call her back the next day.

Is she a never-married with no children? If so, they can be a cold bunch. I base this on my previous boyfriend. Lots of game playing. Don't call because he was too busy, then call later and say....don't worry about it. I was busy. No big deal.

It is a big deal. I think it's only reasonable that you find someone who makes you feel good about yourself and your relationship with that other person. It sounds like you're miserable already. Not eating.

How about you go out and find a woman who is more compatible? She'll want to talk to you and see you as much as you want to be in contact with her. IMHO, you're spinning your wheels with J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 1:26pm

Sorry you got hurt.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:50pm

No matter what you can't fall for someone after two dates. It's just waaaay too soon. You know a lot about her at this point, but not enough to be in love with her and not enough to really *know* her well. Even if she does call when she comes back, you have to pull your heart back some and give her time to let her feelings develop and also to get to know her better.

I do hope she calls.




Edited 3/27/2005 10:51 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:16am

This sounds harsh but if she was head over heels for you, she would have called


I completely and totally disagree with this statement. They've had TWO dates. Just two. Tbone admits that he's fallen hard, but that doesn't mean that she does not have the potential to do so. She might not be interested, OR she might be VERY VERY interested but is doing this intelligently and guarding her heart a bit. The equivalent of the "going slow" that we advise each other to do time and time again on this board. I think we're taking the "He/She's just not that into you" concept a bit too far. How on earth can he know if he's "spinning his wheels" when they've only been on two dates and she missed giving him a call before she went out of town? If I was REALLLLY interested in a guy, but I was trying to be cautious with my own emotions so as not to dive in too quickly, I wouldn't have called. Period.


Tbone, I still say you should not put too much stock in this girl and you should do what you can to be cautious with your emotions, but you should also not give up on her. You've had two (or is it 3?) dates, and a few conversations. The "relationship" as it stands does not warrant "out of town" goodbye calls and details yet. She might've run out of time. She might be being cautious. Whatever the case may be, I don't think you need to throw in the towel based on the thoughts in the "He/She's just not into you" book. Try not to overanalyze. Or panic. ;)

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:17am
Great post. I agree completely.
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:27am
I agree with you, we can get carried away with the other person isn't into you stuff. My bf is one of those people that doesn't always call. He usually does, just not always. It doesn't mean he's not into me, it means something usually, but not that. It has never once meant the relationship was over or that he doesn't care about me or that he's interested in someone else. It just means I'm not going to talk to him that day.

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