so upsetting
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so upsetting
| Thu, 02-21-2008 - 9:36pm |
So it turns out that the sister "B" with the drunk violent bf has been purposefully setting out to make me look bad for no reason with her other sisters. Her newest excuse for her behavior the other week (which just to recap among other things was her grinning while my bf - her brother - was getting beaten by her idiotic bf )is that she suffered a miscarriage a few weeks prior and is feeling horrible about it. This may or may not be true but I personally cannot excuse her behavior and I have been through a miscarriage so I know how devastating it is. The truth is the bf then got her that puppy. What a ridiculously low class redneck kind of thing to do - have gf who miscarried? buy her a puppy to replace the baby. huh? As you can tell I am still bitter over the other week.
BUT just in case I was getting over the other week -here is the latest. My bf confided in her about two years ago that I had issues with my health that were GYN related resulting in cystic ovaries and lots of people testing me for things because I have the gene for my mom's cancer. It is something I am sensitive about and I know it might make it necessary for me to have surgery, possibly radical surgery, unless they come up with a preventative for ovarian cancer so that they could catch me early. My chances of getting the cancer are very high with the gene I have. If I do have the surgery, I will be unable to bear children again which tears my heart to pieces and I know bf wants kids. So I know bf went to "B" for support on this issue because he wanted to support me better and deal with his own feelings about possibly adopting if we needed to or surrogacy etc....This was supposed to be private info and she knew that. We hadnt told anyone else in the family - "b" was the sister he was closest with. I havent even told my own brother or father that I have this gene - I dont want him worrying about me. They may just guess I have it but they dont know I got tested and found out for sure. My mother's death was horribly traumatic on my whole family and I dont want to burden them with thinking I will have the same fate. So now she has told everyone in the family. She supposedly told them as a way of explaining that I am not good for him and cant give him what he will need eventually and I am just too old for him. It is horribly immature of her of course and I know I should just see it as that and move on but DAMN, this is my private medical info and stuff that I am very fragile about in how it relates to me as a woman, potential surgeries that take away my most feminine parts, I want other babies very badly.....you get the picture. I was near tears when he told me this had leaked to the rest of his family today. I honestly just want to kill her. (sorry)
Cat- I want a drink and I have rum but as you know, my body is rejecting alcohol so I cant!!! Its so unfair that for some reason I am so allergic to the stuff I cant even have one glass because I really need to calm down.
I am going to do some yoga tonight by myself and try and find center again but I am nowhere near calm right now.
Also for some reason my kid had to do a report on hepatitis B in SPANISH tonight. I about croaked when I found out - I mean, does anyone know how to write "WHAT THE HELL" in Spanish? It was grueling and weird and just not what my aching heart wanted at all but I did it. I would like a big pat on the back for that!!
I am also just so tired having been in three hour grueling rehearsals every day this week for something next week and it is hard as nails to get right. I have another one tomorrow and I am also teaching each day three hours or so so my brain is just fried. I feel like this news just has shortcircuited me....
BUT just in case I was getting over the other week -here is the latest. My bf confided in her about two years ago that I had issues with my health that were GYN related resulting in cystic ovaries and lots of people testing me for things because I have the gene for my mom's cancer. It is something I am sensitive about and I know it might make it necessary for me to have surgery, possibly radical surgery, unless they come up with a preventative for ovarian cancer so that they could catch me early. My chances of getting the cancer are very high with the gene I have. If I do have the surgery, I will be unable to bear children again which tears my heart to pieces and I know bf wants kids. So I know bf went to "B" for support on this issue because he wanted to support me better and deal with his own feelings about possibly adopting if we needed to or surrogacy etc....This was supposed to be private info and she knew that. We hadnt told anyone else in the family - "b" was the sister he was closest with. I havent even told my own brother or father that I have this gene - I dont want him worrying about me. They may just guess I have it but they dont know I got tested and found out for sure. My mother's death was horribly traumatic on my whole family and I dont want to burden them with thinking I will have the same fate. So now she has told everyone in the family. She supposedly told them as a way of explaining that I am not good for him and cant give him what he will need eventually and I am just too old for him. It is horribly immature of her of course and I know I should just see it as that and move on but DAMN, this is my private medical info and stuff that I am very fragile about in how it relates to me as a woman, potential surgeries that take away my most feminine parts, I want other babies very badly.....you get the picture. I was near tears when he told me this had leaked to the rest of his family today. I honestly just want to kill her. (sorry)
Cat- I want a drink and I have rum but as you know, my body is rejecting alcohol so I cant!!! Its so unfair that for some reason I am so allergic to the stuff I cant even have one glass because I really need to calm down.
I am going to do some yoga tonight by myself and try and find center again but I am nowhere near calm right now.
Also for some reason my kid had to do a report on hepatitis B in SPANISH tonight. I about croaked when I found out - I mean, does anyone know how to write "WHAT THE HELL" in Spanish? It was grueling and weird and just not what my aching heart wanted at all but I did it. I would like a big pat on the back for that!!
I am also just so tired having been in three hour grueling rehearsals every day this week for something next week and it is hard as nails to get right. I have another one tomorrow and I am also teaching each day three hours or so so my brain is just fried. I feel like this news just has shortcircuited me....



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Boundaries are good!
"WHAT THE HELL" in Spanish? = Lo que el infierno!
I personally would like to see him better adjusted to the loss of his parents and newly configured relationship with sisters before he proposes because I want us both to be in a solid place before we make that move.
I totally get that. It makes sense to be on solid ground before making such comittments. I just read something the other day that made so much sense- oh no wait I saw it on Dr Phil (did I just admit I watch that??) Anyway he was talking to this couple with some issues and they were about to get married. Dr Phil said every issue you have will be magnified and intensified upon getting married. That made me think seriously about my own stuff right now and i can see how you would be feeling that too. No doubt you love him to death- but a bit of resolve about the past and the present with the fam would be really good first.
Speaking of the boundaries- I agree with eveyone who is talking about making those healthy boundaries with toxic people. I found this article you might like, too-
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