Thank you so much - & yes, I do feel liberated, as if I have sort of crossed some bridge or something - realizing what i need, what I want & being able to ask for it. & yes, especially to not have ended up bitter about love after such a horrible marriage & ending.
Thank you for the story about your relationship. I dont think many people who havent been thru something of the sort, can truly understand choosing to be patient with someone in this situation. I am sorry it didnt work out for you & him though. You have made some great points & given me some other things to think about.
You're welcome. I'm glad I can relate to some of what you are going through. And for the record, I remember feeling somewhat tortured by close friends and family at times because they thought his fear of commitment had EVERYTHING to do with him not feeling what he should be for me and they were on the warpath to get me to give up on him. I stuck to my guns and even though we didnt make it, I gave up on the dream of us in my own time when I truly thought it needed to be over. I look back on it with no regrets and know that if he ever figures out how to be with someone fully and is happy someday, I will be proud of him and happy for him. I just had to take a stand for myself after a few years and remove myself because it was too painful a process for me with no real sense that it would ever come together. I dont look back on it too much these days because I have a wonderful man in my life now who is here for me and my son and is an absolute rock. he and my son were busy making valentine's this morning together at the kitchen table!! ( big points big points )It is a totally different existence being with someone who is open to love and a life together and even though my current bf would never settle for something that he isnt sure about, he is fearless about loving and fully committing to someone passionately. It's weird though, in all honesty -it wouldnt have surprised me at all if the other guy and I had made it somehow. I really saw it in my head and heart for a long time and it wouldnt have shocked me in the least to look back and see us having surmounted his fears. It also doesnt surprise me that it didnt work out for us but I just thought you should know that even now in retrospect, I dont feel silly in the least for having believed in him and in us. I cant say that about some other relationships I have been in necessarily. I think we did learn something though in our time together which he admitted to me after the fact. He said he thought that there was something about me and my spirit or way of loving him that would heal his issues and he banked on it. What we know now is that one person or their love cannot change another. He will have to take care of those issues in a way that is separate from me. I couldnt fix it and as much as I loved him and was his biggest fan in moving past things, it would move him to the brink of making a change but it always fell short because it needed to come from him first. He is on his own journey now and I have begun mine with another person who is so perfectly suited for me I cant look back. As always, I wish you the best of luck and think you are doing great great great...
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Yes, lol, I was "brave & sincere".
Thank you so much - & yes, I do feel liberated, as if I have sort of crossed some bridge or something - realizing what i need, what I want & being able to ask for it. & yes, especially to not have ended up bitter about love after such a horrible marriage & ending.
Thank you for the story about your relationship. I dont think many people who havent been thru something of the sort, can truly understand choosing to be patient with someone in this situation. I am sorry it didnt work out for you & him though. You have made some great points & given me some other things to think about.
Thank you!
Yes, those fence posts are making my arse sore!
It's weird though, in all honesty -it wouldnt have surprised me at all if the other guy and I had made it somehow. I really saw it in my head and heart for a long time and it wouldnt have shocked me in the least to look back and see us having surmounted his fears. It also doesnt surprise me that it didnt work out for us but I just thought you should know that even now in retrospect, I dont feel silly in the least for having believed in him and in us. I cant say that about some other relationships I have been in necessarily.
I think we did learn something though in our time together which he admitted to me after the fact. He said he thought that there was something about me and my spirit or way of loving him that would heal his issues and he banked on it. What we know now is that one person or their love cannot change another. He will have to take care of those issues in a way that is separate from me. I couldnt fix it and as much as I loved him and was his biggest fan in moving past things, it would move him to the brink of making a change but it always fell short because it needed to come from him first. He is on his own journey now and I have begun mine with another person who is so perfectly suited for me I cant look back.
As always, I wish you the best of luck and think you are doing great great great...
Pages