Some humor - maybe you can add?
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 03-20-2008 - 6:38pm |
I decided to take notes on why my matches are not matches and started laughing.
- wears a very obvious toupee
- 46 and never married - and has 20 pictures all labeled with these silly photoshop fonts, "wayne's house" "wayne's baby" (his cat) and on and on
- redneck - bad redneck - races cars, has lots of tattoos, wears dirty tee shirts - wants a clean woman - LOL!!!!!!!
- has 4 kids and wants a woman whose kids don't live at home
- is 45 and wants 18 to 23 for fun discovery
- is separated - and says "coming out of a rocky longterm marriage just want someone to give me affection and have fun and not worry about the future"
- stem cell research - that is too spooky for me!!
- weird weird religion
- different culture, slicked back GREASY hair, bad teeth
- has huge curly mop of hair that matches his black furry dog in pic - LOL!!
- ugly ugly beard like Castro's
- separated
- travels all the time for work so thinks OLD is the way to meet someone
- wants to travel all the time - this is not such a bad thing - just not for me
- has the numbers 69 in his profile
- shirtless in pix and should not be shirtless in pix!
- 46,never married, hasn't shaved in about 7 days and wants you to be a good family girl that can get wild on the couch with him
LOL!! At least I have a sense of humor!! These guys are all too much. I think I should open a school for them- "how to be a better date" - can you just picture the classes?
- how to clean yourself up and dress nice
- dating etiquette
- grooming and directions to the dentist
- what girls DO NOT like to read or see in the profile

Pages
And OMG - this one takes the cake for the day. He is in his 50s and looks like Jackie Gleason - he is wearing a pastel turquoise suit and sitting on a boat with his little groomed dog - and look what he writes!
Ok Girls, Lets Review the following traits: (ONLY READ IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!)
1) Body. I am ripped! Bounce an egg off my abbs and watch it spring back to you! I go to the gym at least 15-20 times a week. My body is so perfect, Oprah wants to do a show on me. Arnold Swartzniker has contacted me about being his personal trainer!
2) Previous Dates: I used to date Penopole Cruise until she went loco on me. I was married to Sandra Boulouck and I could not take the pressure so we got divorced and I hung around with Dr. Phil. But, please note, I am not Gay! I just like Dr. Phill and he offered me comforting conversations. After him, I was on my own for several years until I met Nichole Kiddlemann. I really liked her but she wanted to go to Temple every Friday night and I was not that religious.
3) Drinking: Occassionally! I have gone for days without a drink of you know what, nor do I load the pipe!, or roll the paper!, or pop the pill. Today, my only vice is the injections of morphine I take every day. By the way, so you know, morphine is a legal drug, so please do not think of me as dependent.
4) Exercise: I am into Ballet. I have been taking Ballet lessons since I was 3 and my positions have become extraordinary. I love to wear the uniforms as it gives me a warm and tingly feeling underneath (you know what I mean). One of my best performances was playing the Wolf in Peter and the Wolf, because I wanted to "eat her up"!!! You may have seen me in the Nutcacker this holiday season on TBS.
5) MONEY: Very important subject when looking for a match. I have lots and lots of it. So much, I won the lottery a few weeks ago and decided not to cash in my $1, 300, 000.00 ticket. I just threw it away. I have a Gulfstream Jet (which I fly myself), a 165' yacht with 12 staterooms, a commercial kitchen, helicopter pad, GPS NASA guided navigation system and a Ford Focus(to get around the boat), a bowling alley, rock climbing wall, night club featuring Santana as the main band, ATM, and a CVS Pharmacy with unlimited flu shots. What else could you ask for?
6) Hobbies: Flying the space shuttle. I have been to outer space 3 times. Usually I land the shuttle, but on the last trip I had a problem parallel parking with the space station so they had someone else do the touch down. I am working on this problem so in the future missions I will once again be in command.
So... for you, just send you phone number to be eligible to date me. And by the way, if you believe any of this BS, send your phone via fed ex as I need to hear from you quickly. Please respond rapidly, as my chef will only be on the payroll for the next few weeks. He is Romanian and needs to prepare for the next European Summit!
Well if this made you smile, drop me a line and I will send you my REAL profile. After all, humor makes the world go round.
LOL!! The Jackie Gleason guy is funny! Strange, a little scary but funny. Turquoise suit on a boat?? Oh boy-
I hoe he meets his humor match in a mate.
Those are so funny. I'm totally cracking up over these:
, wears dirty tee shirts - wants a clean woman
Oh my- those are good reasons!
I have thought about making a "profile" on POF and just telling the guys why their profile is not working for them.
Thanks for sharing my laugh.
I think these profiles are like an easter egg hunt - you read and look until you find the rotten eggs. Some have more than others.
Was just reading one where a guy has 2 kids and works long hours in the winter but can usually manage at least a walk on the beach late one night - and he doesn't want his match to have kids.
I would have to agree with you on all counts!!! LOL!!
To be fair, there have been about 5 WONDERFUL WONDERFUL ones who are everything I want on paper except for their zipcodes. Cycling fanatics who are CEOs and single dads and like all of the same things. And they like me, too. But they live up north. I am just hoping to find some of them down here!!
Well, I'm not looking, but if I was, these would be in my "GET REAL" catagory:
-that wierd picture that some men take of themselves off of their web cam. It looks creepy, they are never smiling, and most the time they arent waering a shirt. Worse yet arent wearing pants.
-lives with mom. Unless she's dying of a dibiltating disease and he's her caretaker
Hey may be you should tell those great guys how nice and warm it is where you live ;-). I hate it when distance stops you from meeting soemone that could be your best fit.
Pages