A sort of etiquette question

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
A sort of etiquette question
17
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:08am

Do you correct a person that doesn't know you very well when they refer to your ex as your husband?

Here's the situation:
I took the kids to a classmate's birthday party yesterday. Her parents are extremely nice people, but they don't know us very closely. They've seen the kids with me or with their father, and sometimes together at school functions. So I was talking to the mom yesterday, and she said "Oh, your husband (blah, blah)..." I first wanted to say "He's my ex-husband", but then thought it might embarrass her and it really didn't matter that much, in that particular situation.
I have corrected their teachers before, because I think it's more important for them to know the kids have two homes they spend time in. Sometimes I refer to my ex as "the boys' father", and some people pick up on that, but not always.

So, what do you do? Do you keep your mouth shut if it's not a big deal? Do you speak up? Do you care? : )

Thanks,

Galina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:11am

I can totally relate to how you felt when she said that!!

I would not cause a scene in front of other people. And if she is someone I see on a regular basis I would give her the update somehow in a tactful manner. Otherwise I would let it blow by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:17am
I most definitely do correct them. I don't want to be connected to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:22am
Mostly it depends on the situation, but generally I do correct them. Heck, I paid alot of money NOT to have the title of Mrs. or so and so's wife!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:33am
exACTly... :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 11:02am

Hi DEB!


Just wanted to pop in on this thread (even though I've ZERO input as I've never been divorced and can't imagine how I'd feel) to say hi there, and hope you pop in more often!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 11:58am
I correct the error. It's better to correct it from the beginning. If you don't correct it, then that person will be really embarrassed 6 months from now because she kept calling your ex, your husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:56pm
I care very much...I just correct them and say we're divorced. It is important for educators to know which students have two households. It does make a difference...our teachers are very sensitive and send home two sets of paperwork.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 7:44pm
I correct them. I would feel weird if someone was referring to him as my husband. If you don't feel comfortable saying "He's my ex-husband" because it sounds like you are correcting them... trying saying "Oh, we're divorced" so it sounds like you are giving them the news. I find the subject comes up a lot because people say something about next week or next weekend and I have to explain she is with her dad then. Also, my dd is just as likely to be overheard saying "mommy's house" and "daddy's house" so it would be weird if I didn't correct them and then they figured it out talking to dd.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:07pm

Hey Becky! I lurk here daily-I just had to chime in on this one!

How are you feeling? Is the pregnancy going good so far for you? You've been in my thoughts.

Thanks for the welcome ;)

Deb

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 4:41am
I don't make a big deal about it at all. I use my hand as sort of a wand and I say "Oh, so and so (I use his first name), is my X husband." and I laugh and smile as if I am PERFECTLY ok with it. No stammering no sad look, just wave it away as if it's totally natural. Works like a charm.

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