soulmate
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soulmate
| Wed, 01-16-2008 - 11:56pm |
I am starting this new topic.. after I and Biker had a long conversation about how he wishes we were soulmates.. I have details in my reply to my previous post..But that got me curious..
1) do you believe in soulmate?
2) how would you define your soulmate?
3) Do you think you have met your soulmate?
4) would you like your

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I'm not sure if I can even answer this, as I'm not sure if I believe in such a thing as "soulmate".
I'm a bit confused at just what that term even MEANS, really. Is it like a "fate" and a "destiny" kind of thing, as if you didn't have control over it?
I just find that relationships don't just "happen" if they are to be successful. I find that they require work, in that you put in effort to communicate and understand each other. You have to DO something to keep it going. It doesn't just "happen", IMO.
In your other post, you mentioned something about either you or Biker liking how you can be friends, lovers, companions (near the end of that other post)- but not sure if you're soulmates. That just made me wonder just what ELSE does the relationship need, in order for it to be considered "soulmates"??? Those things mentioned above, are not things to sneeze at, if you have that in your relationship already!!
Which, I guess... brings me back to the question: Just what DO you mean by "soulmate"??
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Actually since Biker told me that I have also been thinking about it.. What exactly does he mean by it.. See what wikepidia says- some of those things like the most selfless love I have felt for my EX and he has influence my growth and my personality deeply so I believed he was my soulmate ( although I am not sure I want to believe that anymore)
1) do you believe in soulmate?- Not really. i think that some people DO find their "soul mate" .... to me, a soul mate would be that one person you are "made for" or "made to be with". I dont truly think that there IS only 1 person in this world for everyone - although i suppose some couples are so close, that they truly beleieve they ARE soul mated.
I agree with rlch on everything she writes.
Perhaps when I was in my 20s I might have believed in such a thing as a soulmate - it is an ideal wish that someone is magically in sync with everything you like and don't like and with what you think. We see couples that appear like this and think they are soulmates perhaps because they have spent so much time together and have reached the stage of companionate love, as documented by Helen Fisher,PhD.
But I think we all have more than one person with whom we can be compatible. And now in my 40s I realize that a good companion is (not in any particular order):
a) someone with whom you can be yourself
b) match core values
c) effective communication
d) considerate and emotionally healthy
Here is what I found on Dr. Fisher's stages of love:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Fisher_(anthropologist)
In 1992, anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, in her ground-breaking book the Anatomy of Love, postulated three main phases of love:
1. lust - an intense longing.
2. attraction - an action that tends to draw people together.
3. attachment - a bonding progression.
Generally love will start off in the lust phase, strong in passion but weak in the other elements. The primary motivator at this stage is the basic sexual instinct. Appearance, smells, and other similar factors play a decisive role in screening potential mates. However, as time passes on , the other elements may grow and passion may shrink — this depends upon the individual. So what starts as infatuation or empty love may well develop into one of the fuller types of love. At the attraction stage the person concentrates their affection on a single mate and fidelity becomes important.
Likewise, when a person has known a loved one for a long time, they develop a deeper attachment to their partner. According to current scientific understanding of love, this transition from the attraction to the attachment phase usually happens in about 30 months. After that time, the passion fades, changing love from consummate to companionate, or from romantic love to liking.
Similarly, according to psychologist many see love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate). Companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.
Great question!
Yes, I do believe in soulmates, but I believe my definition of what a soulmate is might be different from the way the term is used and understood generally and that any of our definitions are limited by our understanding and ability to define such a concept.
Thanks all.
I think Happydaysrhere is a believer .. I like what you said about that incredible feeling of "just knowing " the person very well.
For me I would say it is a feeling when you know the person so well that you know exactly what he or she is thinking when you see something , or hear something..or meet someone
You caught me, dancewithme!
I like Happy's definition, as it kind of mingles with mine.
I don't have time to write a thoughtful response at the moment but I did watch a segment on Good Morning America this morning that is somewhat related to this thread here is the article from their website.
April
Here is the Time article too--it is rather long so I am just going to post the link..
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1704355,00.html
April
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