Starting again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Starting again
6
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 6:28pm
I have been divorced for some time now and am wanting to start dating again. The problem is I don't know how. I have three wonderful children who deserve so much. What do you think? Is this possible or should I stay single and try dating when they have moved out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mom_cate
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 6:41pm

Hi Mom_Cate,

You sound like a wonderful mom and I welcome you to the board.

I cannot answer your question for you - only you know what is right for you. But I can give you a few of my thoughts, as I am sure the others here will, that will help you make your own decision a little better.

I think that regardless of what you do about dating, you should have something you deeply enjoy in your life without the kids. A hobby? Friends? Some kind of activity. Because this will make you feel fulfilled and happy as an adult. It will make you a better mom because you will come back to the kids fresh. If they are older they will learn to pick up after themselves and take care of themselves while you are gone and your own happiness will set a good healthy example for them.

If you meet someone really nice that you like, you will fit dating into your life and know what to do with prioritizing your time and seeing if it is right for you.

The plus side to staying single is that you do get to give all of your time to the kids and to experience this time with them while they are young - and we do realize that this time is perishable. You can control what you do and you do not have to expose them to anything negative or listen to someone else's opinion on parenting that may be different from your own.

The plus side to dating is that perhaps you will meet someone who enriches all of your lives. Someone to be a great friend to you and to them. Someone to make you laugh when you are frazzled from too much work. Someone who compliments you on just being you. Someone who makes the kids laugh silly. Someone who makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Someone who ADDS to you and the kids - and who doesn't make you feel like you have to sacrifice your relationship with them to be with him.

If you date, be picky and don't settle for anything that takes away from what you have with them. And if you stay single, enjoy the freedom!!

But most importantly, stay and participate with us and keep us posted, okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: mom_cate
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 9:26pm

Ah, the million dollar question!
Welcome to the board! We're pretty much all singe parents here, with the occassional non-parent, too. Most of us have or are dealing with this in some form. If you want to date, find a way. If you don't, don't. I know it sounds easier said than done, but trust me, I'm in your shoes. A lot of us are.
One more thing, whether you are going on dates or not, make sure you make time for you. Mothers are people too, and I think sometimes we forget this.

Moody


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mom_cate
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 10:43pm

It is definetly possible and you should not put your life on hold until the kids are out of the house, especially since you now feel ready for it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: mom_cate
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:30pm

Welcome to the Board. I think posting to this Board must be a first step back into dating for many single moms. I posted here months before I actually went on my first date as a single mom (after a 4 year hiatus from the dating world).

If you decide to date, there is a guilt factor to it. But, you can overcome that guilt. A happy mom = happy kids. You can find a way to date and also be there for your kids.

I recommend keeping your kids out of the dating process. Do not introduce dates to your kids early in the game. Date for yourself and not for your kids.

Also, I agree with West. Have some activity that you do for yourself (hobby, sport, craft....) that doesn't include kids and doesn't require a date. I think women make better dating choices when they aren't bored out of their minds and need dates to escape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
In reply to: mom_cate
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 3:59pm
Thank you for the great advice. I absolutely agree with the idea of having hobbies for myself. I can't remember what I like to do!!!!! Also, still a concern is that I don't just have a child. I have three. Of course, they are the best little love bugs in the world, but isn't that quite the deterrent?
Cate
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mom_cate
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:46pm

"I don't just have a child. I have three. Of course, they are the best little love bugs in the world, but isn't that quite the deterrent? "


The right man for you will be happy that you have 3 kids, he will accept you as a package deal.


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