A state of confusion
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A state of confusion
| Mon, 06-23-2008 - 9:09pm |
I’ve been seeing the same guy, B, for almost 2 years now.
| Mon, 06-23-2008 - 9:09pm |
I’ve been seeing the same guy, B, for almost 2 years now.
Oh dear. I don't know what to say - maybe the others will help on this one. Because while you type a lot of good and you care about him - you also type things that would bother me as well. And the age difference would bother me - that is 20 years. But I do know that has never bothered you before - you have always typed nice things about him.
Okay - my only advise is to make a list of the things you don't like - and then decide on the most important and see if you can find a positive way to communicate what you would like him to change? Mark is always so good at this stuff - Mark - where are you? Maybe something like 'I would love for us to find some shows that we both like to watch' or 'it would be great if you would let me pick the music sometimes'?
I am also wondering if this is a case of just not enough time together? I know that when you are away from someone and then they come back in the picture after a week away you sort of have to reshuffle everything because you are used to your way and they are not on the same page and being tired from work and travel - maybe he is not at his best? How long will his job away last?
I guess my thoughts are that your feelings are very warranted from what you type - and that you have to find a way to communicate them and try to fix it. Because that in a way makes you have more information to decide what is best for you.
Oh dear - your last thoughts here do make it sound like you have grown tired of him and you do not see him fitting you for long term. But then I do understand about the good and that is why you are confused. I guess you have to talk to him about how he makes you feel or try to work on one thing at a time? But since today is Monday - that means you have the week to think about it, right? Plus I hope everyone here will pipe in with more. The whole troop will collectively give you a lot of thoughts and experiences - much more than me for sure.
Are you going to be able to live on your own okay? Because if you don't think this is going to go, you know you have to think about that for you and your boy and maybe don't do anything too rash - work on that during the week??!!
Sorry things are not so good these days.
But from the outside......
1. He's wayyyyyy older than you and that in itself is bound to cause major life choice differences
2. He seems to be making value judgements on how you choose to spend your free time. This is your time, if you choose to watch Oprah 24/7 it still is your life, not his. Yes, you should expect the guy in your life to be interested in you, in why you like the shows/music that you like- not make a judgement that you are wrong or your choices have no merit. That is a big red flag for me and a deal ender if it were me. But its not me, it's you. Only you can decide if this is a sign of a larger issue.
3. Only available weekends. Hmmmmm. Not good.Never going to change. Can you really thrive in that kind of relationship?
Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of what he might someday be to you? He's not going to change at all. In fact, at 46 he's about to enter the icky midlife crisis years. So everything will come into question for him.
Only you can say whether or not the positive aspects of this relationship outweigh the negative. Believe me, at 26 you have plenty of other options out there. Not just men, but your whole life. Take some time to really think about what YOU want out of life. What is important to you? Will being with this man be a help in attaining those goals? Or will this relationship create situations for you to sacrifice your goals?
QB
Aye - you better listen to QB - she has 3 great points!!
I am so glad you are living with your parents!!!!! Sounds like you are on the right track - good luck with your decision and keep us posted! I bet more girls will chime in and give you more good advice!!
I think Q made some really good points.
Hi Amanda,