State of the Union
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| Tue, 10-21-2008 - 10:29am |
I am a chicken!
I am sending this to SS today unless someone here stops me! It's the stupid email I've held in my outbox for 2 months and keep tweeking...
Warning!!!! I am organizing the blondness... I can’t sleep – sleep hates me! I know this is coming out of left field but...
Remember when we had that uber serious talk a while back and you told me I couldn’t bring anything serious up again for 3 months…time’s up! We rarely talk about this stuff which you know is way fine with me…I just need a checkpoint every so often. Sometimes I do have insecurities just like every other crazy girl…I just like to stuff them way down deep until I lose it in the produce department of Kroger over not knowing what kind of apples you like. So in an effort to avoid such a scene and any possible incarceration…......I am emailing :-)
First off…I don’t want anything to change because I am not unhappy in the slightest. There is nothing you have said or done that sparked this email...I'm just in my head about it and will sleep better getting it out. So it's really all about me as usual :-) My insecurities are not like the ones Em has with Jimmy (ex’s, jealousy, control) – I don’t have any of those with you. You have been nothing but respectful to me which I truly appreciate more than I can express here. Most importantly I want you to know that I have a lot of respect for you…I’m seriously serious about that…seriously! The frosting…or the tiara :-)… is that you make me laugh – I am the best version of myself with you. You don’t get mad and yell when I f**k things up. You look really yummy in the mornings (you look yummy all the time! but especially in the am). You keep me drunk and happy when I’m over there. You do a lot of little things that you might think are insignificant but that make me feel wanted. AND…you sit on the couch and watch college football with me…what more could a dirty girl want? I know what I have here in you, I appreciate it and I get more and more emotionally invested the more time I spend with you so in turn I’m becoming way attached. Sometimes is scares me and its just hard for me to let those feelings known because you might – and I know in my head that this is unreasonable– but if I tell you how I feel you might say – "that’s stupid – I don’t want to be with you". That is my insecurity - now you know :-) I try to keep it in check but I think I overcompensate sometimes too so I’m not sure you have any idea how I feel about you.
So...the point of this long email that you had to read all the way down here to find - is my conscious need to know that I’m safe in this relationship. What that means to me is that I need to make sure that you’re not just passing time with me -- that you’re seeing a possible future with me…that I’m not looking for something that’s not there because I am getting in deep.
Yep – I guess you know fo shiz…I’m F’d three ways to the weekend but at least it only comes out every once in a while - no straight jacket required (unless your into that kinda thing but that's an entirely different email)...Anyway, feedback from you would be mucho appreciated.

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I was so sure the timing was right too!
JH
I'm so glad this worked out good!
I'm glad things worked out in the end.
Just got my first chance to read this!
Wow Tiara... I thought the email was great, and I can only imagine how freaked you were with his initial response. Its hard to get things straight and the meanings across through email sometimes.
I was very happy to read that you got together and talked it out. There is nothing wrong with your wanting to know that he sees you in his future! And its great that he responded to you kindly and validated your feelings. It sounds very positive, and he said that yes, he does! I think that is a great "checkpoint". Now just try and get back to enjoying the moment, every day! You two sound solid in how you communicate and that will take you both very far.. it is essential!
Yay for Tiara and speaking up! I am happy at how this how transpired
HI Pac, Thanks.
I posted an update on this in a seperate post.
JH
I gather from his flirtiness (rather than distance) as a reaction, that he is "saying" (with actions) that all is great in the Tiara+SS world, and he wants to reassure you. From everything you've written before, SS seems to be a guy who puts his feelings into actions (which is fantastic really... its so much better than that a guy knowing he feels it but never does anything. remember the "love is a verb" post?) Maybe SS is not a word man. And once that door is opened officially (when he gets beyond his discomfort of written or verbal expression of his love) at that point you can say how much you love hearing it in words. Until then.. I think what you can do is appreciate that he is not only the same old wonderful SS he always has been, but give him props for not pulling away from you in your need to communicate. He did listen and tried to respond the best way he can.
I sense that you value
It makes perfect sense...especially after I just received this email in reponse to one I'd sent him about my favorite sideline girl being a reporter at the WVU/Auburn game....
JH
LOL SS's humor....if I am reading between the lines right the "disappearing pork loin" dish sould quite, ummmm, juicy.
That is sweet... and yes I agree, quite attentive!! Enjoy and eat up the attention!
BTW the holiday party sounds cool. We are going to BEs company party again. Sorry to say this but same lame thing each year *yawn*..have to dress nice and no one really gets down on the dance floor. They are all a bit stuffy except for BE. Again we will be the only fools on the dance floor.
Buying a nice dress and heels is torture for me. I should start the agony now and get it over with.
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