Stereotypes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Stereotypes
12
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 5:38pm

Hi Everyone:
I just want to vent a little bit. Where I live (in a medium-size city) it seems that people just look at me as a Single Mother and NOT as an individual. They also seem to look at me like I have no education, no money, no goals and am just looking for a "daddy for my baby." I have SO MUCH ANGER right now about this. I have tried to date, only to have the men immediately run away when they hear about my daughter. Yet, in most cases, I am more successful career-wise than they are! (I have a masters degree and am currently working on a Ph.D) And, moreover, who says I want to have a relationship with THEM? I am merely dating. Yet, they always dump me and make me feel so bad about myself. I know that I shouldn't let these stereotypes about get me down, but it just feels like I am going out into the "singles" world with a big strike against me. It really does affect my self-esteem. What, may I ask, is WRONG with people?

I reality, I am so much more of a "real" person because of my child. She has given me a depth of feeling and understanding that gives me an advantage, hardly a "strike". People would be lucky to date me - I am not self-centered (as much as I was), giving, and have much love to give. Children are good at helping people realize that!

Sorry and thanks for allowing me to vent. Good luck to you all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
In reply to: tpj2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 9:48pm

Alison,

I don't know why it is but so many men seem to have a knack for being at their worst when the woman that loves them has just given birth to their child. It just leaves me shaking my head in bewilderment.

As far as criticizing the house and all, I know only one woman whose husband has never gone there, done that. This one also baffles me because when my ex used to come home from his job and complain about it, I totally supported him. I could not have imagined telling him that he was lazy, doing a bad job, wasn't as competent as the other men, etc. Yet, that is exactly what he was doing by criticizing how I was doing my job and comparing me to other women. And he had no idea what my job was like. My ex wouldnt help me at night either. Not for one night did he ever even carry one of the babies over. I would have been grateful for that. Men!!

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: tpj2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 9:49pm

Amy,

I know that personally if I'm home all day, that I will take on most of the household duties. But I also know that it's unreasonable to get everything done because newborn babies are so demanding. I can remember days when it was like 3 in the afternoon and I'd been *trying* to get a shower since 8 am. (Those were also the days when my ex would have had like 3 showers and run back outside to keep tinkering on his jeep)

I remember when my older cousin was having her first and she said to her dh that she would take care of everything and have dinner on the table when he got home. Boy did she get a shock!

But I agree that some guys are just so mean to their partner who has A)just given birth B)struggling to breastfeed C)overtired from being up 16 times at night and D)wanting 5 mins to herself. My ex took off for 3 days when ds was 2 months old- and I had to get his mom to watch ds because I came down with the flu and was in the bathroom the whole time- BOY was I MAD and so was she when he came home.

Don't even get me STARTED on the stories LOL

Alison

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