Still Love Son's Father...Any Advice?
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| Tue, 01-16-2007 - 3:16am |
Hi Everyone,
Im new to this so bear with me....
I'm looking for some advice...
I'm a 28 year old single mom. My son, AJ, is 18 months. I have known AJ's dad, RW, since we were in daiapers. Our parents were best freinds when we were born. We went to the same schools together but never dated. After RW graduated from college we started dating. A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant. I'm not sure if it was the hormones or what but I turned into the *itch from Hell. I couldn't stand being around him anymore. Everything he said or did made me soooo MAD!!! Needlesss to say, I broke up with him. RW wanted us to get married but I wasn't having any of that. After AJ was born, he still tried to worik things out with me, but for some reason I couldn't deal with being in a relationship with him.
RW is great with his son, I couldn't have asked for a better Dad for my boy. He gives me money for AJ every month, sees him as often as he can, and we get along. pretty good.
I was just about to call him and ask him if he wanted to start seeing each other again when I found out he was seeing someone. Now he lives 3 hours away with his new GF. I asked him about her and he says she isn't someone he is going to marry.
My question is...Do I tell him I still love him or keep my feelings to myself?

I would definitely tell him you still love him. Explain to him what you did here.
Keep us posted, and good luck, okay?
Hopefully he can understand that the unplanned pregnancy was a difficult time in your life and now that you can see how wonderful he is and with being a great dad, you are sorry and really do still have feelings for him.
Thanks for the advice!
I will tell him how I feel. I hope I can make him understand that I am sorry for hurting him. I think men have a hard time grasping just how much pregnancy can affect women. I do know that he still has feelings for me, so we will see...
I'll let you know what happens....
This is a tough one. I hope everyone chimes in, and that you get the closure you need.
In my opinion, that's what you need. It's very common to have feelings for a lost love- especially if you've had a child with this person. The presence of the child makes it impossible to write him out of your life completely, and without the distance needed to see why he wasn't right for you, it's very easy to want to fall back into the relationship.
It also makes it tough when the man is a good father (not that that's a bad thing!) because then you think, "he's such a great father, why didn't we work out again??" But the thing is, for whatever reasons, you aren't right for each other. It is also very common for people to want an intact family, which makes us all overlook things that we really aren't happy about.
My advice would be to let him have his relationship. Enjoy the fact that he's a good father. Our exes can sometimes be good people and still not be the right people for us.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
Moody
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Thanks for everyone's advice.
The reason I did not marry him were selfish. I did'nt realize it at the time, but now I know it was because I felt like my life was being taken over. I have always been very independent. When I got pregnant, I lost that. I went from having total control over my life to having no control. The father wanted us to get married but he didnt pressure me as to when. He just wanted us to be a family. I was too busy thinking about myself and how my life would change to realize what a great person he was and how much he loved me. I have grown up alot since my son was born and have realized that I have to make sacfrifices (like some of my independence). This is a good thing because even if we never get together I'm sure it will help in any other relationship I might have.
I also had some issues from my childhood that I had not worked through. I was molested by my grandfather when I was young. Talk about a relationship killer. I had never been able to have a serious relationship because of that. I did'nt feel like I could really count on anyone because I couldn't trust people. After talking to someone about this, I've come to realize that I can't base what my relationships with other people are like because of my grandfather. Although I will never forget what he did to me, I have forgiven him. It was the only way to be able to move on. I'm ready, but not in a rush, to have a relationship with a man now that I've come to terms with all this.
As for RW, I'm going to pray about it....
I think you should sent him a heartfelt letter explaining all of what you have explained here. Let it all out - put it all on the line. This will allow you to write and edit how you feel. And it will allow him time to read and absorb what you have to say and provide an answer based on what he wants to do. Put a picture of the baby in there, too. Then wait and see what he does. If he is the right one he will be happy and let you know.
If he is not the right one, you will find the right one, okay?
Keep us posted, though. Because we love to hear new stories - and now you have us curious what happens.