summer visitation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
summer visitation
8
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 10:51am
It's not "free" time. I always think I'm going to get tons done when my son is away on summer visitation. But, I never do. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern until he gets back. It doesn't help that he doesn't want to go either. I envy people whose kids look forward to visits with their fathers. It seems like those moms would enjoy some guilt-free downtime.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 11:37am
It is very hard when your child doesn't want to go to their Dad's house. I have my daughter for the month of July. When she goes back to her Dad's house I don't get to see her for 2 weeks (when school starts). I sat out on my patio and bawled last year when she left my house. This stuff is VERY hard sometimes. ((HUGS))
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:38pm

Why does your DS have anxiety about going? Is it because he doesn't like the disruption to his routine? Or because he has real concerns and dislikes about what happens there?

Does he see his dad on a regular basis?

We have had some issues but I have really encouraged DS to work through these things and communicate his feelings. And that has helped. One of the biggest deals for us is that he has older cousins who basically don't listen to what he wants or doesn't want. But the last time he got good about speaking his mind and refusing to do what he doesn't like. I feel this has been a big step to get him to learn to handle people and difficult situations.

I do enjoy the break - I think we all need it - just to be able to do something without having to take a kid who doesn't want to go or to find a babysitter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:14pm
He sees his dad regularly. The anxiety is due to the change in routine. My son has autistic traits, but he is not classic autistic. Change is very difficult for him. His father is not supportive of his special needs. He wants DS to be better than his peers and he'll throw him into social situations that DS can't handle. This increases the anxiety and DS feels a lot of resentment towards his dad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:18pm

Then that is very serious and very hard on you. No wonder you are stressed and cannot get anything done.

Is there a way that you can give your exh a list of positive things for them to do together so DS has a better time? I would definitely try to head that one off at the pass and help him go in the right direction.

Sorry you and DS have to go through this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:38pm
No. There's nothing I can say to his father. His dad is inflexible. If I made suggestions, he would make sure he does the exact opposite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:39pm

Tricia,


I understand your frustration, it doesn't help when they do the opposite of what is good for their child.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 11:58am
I didn't mean to go down the rabbit trail about autism spectrum disorders. It wasn't my intention to bring it up.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:36pm

Fivesense,

You can e-mail thru my profile. My 15 yr old has Aspergers, I too deal with family members who from the start wouldn't accept the wonderfulness. I might be able to give you some ideas for self help your DS could use in some situations.

Jer-16 yrs of single parenthood this past weekend.