Take a Bottle, Shake it Up
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| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 4:24pm |
Break the bubble, break it up, Pour some sugar on me- in the name of love, pour some sugar one me, come on fire me up, Pour your sugar on me, I can't get enough- I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet....
So, I was gonna use Margaritaville, but it's way too mellow for Wednesday. I ended up going to my girlfriend's house for a drink. R wasn't there, since band practice had been cancelled. I'm actually glad, since I didn't (don't) want him. In any capacity. I don't think. Well, maybe one.
Anyhow, after a little while of just griping and hanging out, I realized I was too antsy to stay there and bring everyone down. She was too happy about her good golf game, and her husband was complaining about the band. I guess I'm a part of that.
R evidently noticed the fact that I showed up at the last gig with a date (remember P and no chemistry?), and blew his performance. My friend's husband, we'll call him J, noticed, because he's very serious about his music. This is just a second, part time job for everyone, and they only play a few times a month, and J is the most serious one. He's also lead singer, and plays guitar and is the band manager. So, I guess it's all his equipment and he's got the most invested in terms of time and money, to give you a little background. His brother's the drummer, the bass player is very young and it's just a casual thing for him, and R is lead guitar and another singer- he's always been serious about it too until lately.
SO, anyhow, R messed up all night after I arrived, evidently, although I am pretty critical of the band (and music in general), and J knows it, and I didn't notice any serious mistakes. R's amp was messing up, and a couple of the bassist's strings broke once, but those things were fixed and it wasn't a huge deal. But, anyway, J jokingly said something to the effect of "R would have had a better night if you hadn't come with a date, he was pouting all night after you got there."
So, I just laughed that off, and told him that R was the one who told me he wasn't looking for a relationship, and we agreed to be friends. I said I didn't notice any huge mistakes, but that R shouldn't use that amp. J is considering replacing a couple members of the band, and that would be interesting. I'll find out tonight what happened, since he was going to have a meeting last night and make a decision about which members,if any, to get rid of last night.
But, I don't know what to think about R. I tell myself I don't want him. He tells me he doesn't want to date. Then he sends me random "hi sexy- happy Easter" emails. We say hello and chat casually when we see each other... then we send each other flirty emails. I don't necessarily want to stop emailing, since I don't expect anything to come of it, and don't really even want anything to come of it.
I'm not pining away for him, I'm dating other guys- and enjoying them and their company, and I don't care if he's dating other girls (but for the record, he isn't). The fact that I got a small sense of satisfaction out of J telling me HE thought R was messing up and pouting because I showed up with a date after he told me he didn't want to date isn't totally wrong of me, it's human, right?
So, after a drink, I ended up leaving, and stopped at the bar we usually meet at on Wednesdays. I ran into a couple of people I know and some I hadn't ever seen before. It was actually just what I needed to take my mind off all of the crap from the day.
The crowd was small but rowdy, I was not rowdy, but I can get a little... wild I guess.
So, it ended up being a better night than it was a day, and while I don't have any regrets, I wish I hadn't heard those things about R, since hearing what my friends think combined with his wishy-washy actions make me second guess my own feelings. I know he's not right for me, in the long run, and I don't even know him well enough to have developed any true feelings for him, really. But this... chemistry, I guess, for lack of a better word, is pretty powerful stuff. Mentally, I know all the reasons, and am so much stronger than this crap. Even emotionally, I don't really feel anything for him. But hormonally (is that a word? If not, you get the idea), lust is a powerful thing. Obviously, at least from our mutual friends point of view, it's a powerful thing for guys too.
So, all in all, this is a long, rambling post about not much of anything, but I still haven't smoked or gotten lucky... but it's Cinco de Mayo!!!
Moody--who believes the only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it ;-)

I also believe that you get messages from your unconcious mind and if you take the time to ponder them, you'll find your answer.
The song that you quoted is by Def Lepard. It was their come back song. For those who don't know here's the story. Their drummer was involved in a horrible accident that cost him his left? may have been right arm. Now ask yourself, what worth does a drummer have in a band if he has only one arm?
The group refused to record, tour or play without him. They waited 3 years for him to heal and retrain himself on the drumset before they played public again. The result? A number 1 hit with pour some sugar on me. Hysteria topped the charts!
I see a sublimial message here that has to with faith, perseverance and waiting for the right time.Maybe you can associate that to your relationship with R?
I also see a person who has great strength and willpower to overcome a weakness and not give up and say I can't do it.
Don't smoke, you're over the first hurdle-3 days.
You can do it!
And here I thought it was just what I wanted to DO to R! I don't know if I would want a relationsup with him- he has a lot of issues (self esteem, not contacting me when he says he will unless I show up with another guy and we're not dating, things like that) but he would be fun if I were looking for a FWB... which I'm not. Not looking. But if I stumble on one.... well, I'm not blind, and a girl has needs!
As far as not smoking, it's actually been over a week now, and it's been a rough one, but I'll live. I'm stronger than those damn little sticks- I just gotta believe it!
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My quit day is tomorrow- my third and final attempt and I'm going to kick it this time :)
No one or anything beats me when I have my mind set!
Philip Morris can kiss my white... they're not getting another penny from me! LOL
It is great that you had fun on your night out and that you are still sans cigarettes!! Way to go!! Also way to go with your clarity for R. I don't think you can try to figure it out - just that he is not putting forth the "that into you" effort and what you want. Chemistry is easy - you can get that from a stranger.
Keep us posted. Hope you have a real good weekend.