Taking it slow... how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Taking it slow... how?
8
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 12:48pm

So far I've been good at taking things slow with P, well at least I thought I was.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 1:31pm

You know, if the feelings are there and are mutual, as well as respect, why not just go for it? Everything in life is a risk. Sometimes things work like you want, sometimes they don't. But if you learn something from things you do in life, you can't really "regret".


I never understood the "rules" people have for themselves: "no kissing on the first date", "no sex until date number 6 or 3 months", etc. If you feel the feelings, go with them. No one can accuse you of playing games.


Of course, keep your child separate until you are both assured this is a long term commitment. No need for people parading in and out of her life.


Seems like you are feeling great about this guy and he feels the same. Go with the flow!! That's my humble opinion....


Let me clarify....I mean go for it as far as showing your feelings and exploring something more serious with him. (Sex). I do not mean go for it as "I'm going to have him move in with me" or "we're going to spend every day together doing family things". Keep this part of your life separate from your child for now.


Hugs


Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 2:05pm

Jennie:

No, you are not nuts. Go with your gut feeling, it will never let you down. If you feel good about this person and you don't want to slow down, go for it. This time last year I was trying to decide whether to give Mark another chance or not. I did, and look how it turned out. But after all of that, I still have no regrets. I did what I thought was right at the time, and that is all anyone can do. Soemtimes you have to take a chance. At least by taking the chance, you can say to yourself that you tried, and you won't be sitting around wondering years from now "what if". You are strong and smart. Trust yourself and you will do the right thing. Good luck to you. He sounds wonderful.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 8:15pm

Jenny,

ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY! I know as single moms, we're pretty leery at first, but he sounds perfect for you!! We tend to over analyze, because many of us have been hurt before, although I can only speak for myself.

IT'S CHRISTMASTIME! Enjoy the lights, the candles and the hugs and handholding!

My love life is about to burst wide open! But I'll write more later...

Hugs,

SK

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 9:30pm

No more movies!! LOL!!

I did read your dating journal - and picked up a few key points. You have only known him since Nov 29th - when you started communicating with him via online dating/winking/email. You say he did have a major custody battle - does this mean he is newly divorced?

Now, 3 weeks is better than the first or second date. So that is good. It appears he is into you and that is also good. But if he is newly divorced you could have a risk that he is NEEDING a romp. Any relationship is a risk - so risk tisk - you are willing to take that.

BUT I could give you a few reasons I would want to try to wait at this point. Of course you have my blessing no matter what you do. And we are always here for you.

- If you wait then you have the first time to look forward to longer
- If you wait then you can develop your friendship more and develop more activities to do together. You know that once you have sex then the relationship takes a turn to become only about that if it is too new.
- If you wait you can have a stronger relationship that is going to handle the emotional attachment you will feel after you have sex - I think this is a biggie. Sex will propel you to ride the bullet train - TMTFTS.
- If he is the one then there is no rush - he will still be the one later on
- He will respect you more if you make him wait - and you will have more allure. Sure, we don't have to follow the rules - but the rules can make it more fun. You have to keep a guy on his toes. I have married friends that do that now - and they say this is the key to their successful longterm marriages. They don't keep a guy on his toes by withholding sex because they are married - but they are never at his beckon call. They keep their own life and activities.
- If you want marriage and want him to respect you for that, then you have a better chance if you make him wait. You are worth the wait until you can see that he will sustain his good behavior over time.

I know that others posted here that they would not wait - and that is okay, too. Everyone has to decide for themselves on what feels right for them. I would have been one to say GO until I encountered dating in midlife - I think you have to go slow to build a good relationship that fits for everyone. We all have such responsibilities with our kids and jobs and houses - that it just feels better to go slow over time and build memories to savor.

Keep us posted - it is GREAT that you are having fun with him and that he seems very put together and into you. You have a lot of good in your life now!! And I am happy for you for that!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 11:27pm

Jennie,


I'm glad that you've found someone to connect with and are having fun.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 11:00am

Hi.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:13pm

This all ideal and sounds very good to me - all details - from you talking to your therapist and his divorce/custody situation and the testing and the waiting. Way to go!! I know it is not easy. But you have worked so hard at all this - and you will be glad you waited. It is also great that you can talk about all of this with him!!!!!

Keep us posted!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 10:21pm

Jennie,


I'm really proud of you, I think you're doing a wonderful job with this new guy!


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