Taking it slow
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| Sat, 05-03-2008 - 12:50pm |
I keep hearing from here and from some of the women I meet that they want to take "it" slow.
I wonder what the heck does that mean? I believe that there is a myth that it takes time to know a person. In some ways yes for I believe I need to know someone over the four seasons before I really feel like it's a long term, committed relationship. On the other hand, I trust my intuition and know fairly immediately on what sort of person I am dealing with and whether or not I want to continue to create a relationship with her.
Does slow mean seeing/talking with each other once a week? once ever couple of weeks? Keep the time with the other person down? Not talking about certain personal things until Date #x? No sex until Date #x? Or not be sexual or to kiss until after certain number of dates?
For me, I want to get to know the person. In order to do that, I believe if I see her often, talk to her about things that are meaningful to me (e.g. dreams, fears, joys, etc.), and share different experiences and environments with her. So does it matter if I do all that over a period of months rather than weeks or even days?
I suppose for most people slow means that their head or emotions need to catch up with each other and be in sync and that takes some time?
I guess I don't have that issue but seem to scare women when I do want to get know them within a short timeframe.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

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I like Liza. Cindy is okay.. but I feel not for you ;-)
Mark.. Dont worry everything will be fine. I can relate to feeling bmmed about work. Just focus on work this week and forget about these women. If something happens let it. You seem to have lots of nice friends which is a blessing.
So dont obsess about any woman in any way. Just relax and yes go for that bike ride with Liza. She seems to like you. When a woman actively proposes activities to do that is a sure positive. That is the kind of woman you want to go out with. Now I dont want to get you thinking too much about her.. But here is the key: If a woman likes you enough she will make sure you are out on dates and activities till she knows you well enough to take to next level. If you like here too then that is a success.
Awww Mark - I hope you don't get too discouraged. Did you read my other post about dating later in life - the challenges of it all? Someone on match the other day said that online dating is more work than trying to be the American Idol - what a crack up that was!!
I was reading dancewithme's comments and said - wow that is good for all of us - to have more fun with dating and just have a volley of fun conversation and do things that engage us rather than engage in intense conversation or take any of it too seriously. And to remember that we have all had bad experiences and need to get to know one another and build trust - just like a new friend.
I know you don't want our advice - so I will just say that I understand your frustration with life's little challenges and send best wishes so you are not too hard on yourself. Today is a new day :-)
Yes focus on work... as a man should for don't men usually do that? Damn, I do get distracted though.
Cindy is history. She was the one who accepted my B-52s concert invitation and then emailed me the next day saying we are not compatible.
I am taking Debbie, the 58 yo nurse who I have been out on several dates already. I don't have any romantic feelings for her. CNDG will be there with her DD12 so I'll see if I get triggered by seeing/meeting her.
Activities w/Liza. I will do so. Keeping it low key and keep moving. Right now nothing going on this weekend. I will look for MeetIn group activities to do or just do my usual workout and video approach.
Thanks again,
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
"Yes focus on work... as a man should for don't men usually do that?"
ROFL!!!!!!!!
Mark,
My massage therapist friend gave me the best massage. I think I'll do that. I have found bodywork releases locked up emotions. When I do my situps I sometimes feel like crying.
I agree there are a lot of good women out there. Every one I have met I would like to be friends with. However finding someone who matches me and visa versa is a lot harder to find. I thought I found that in CNDG. Which is true insofar as a soul friend but not as a romantic partner.
Thanks for the idea of a massage. Another reason why I've been up so early 4:30am is that my body is hurting from my workout. I just re-started after being off 2 weeks with the virus.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
If "full stem ahead" is who you are, and you know yourself to be healthy, then that's who you should be!
Dang soonee... thank YOU for that affirmation and validation of "who I am" (along with Pacsun and Loony).
The others here gave such wonderful responses that I have nothing of value to add.
I just wanted to send you lots of hugs and good Karma your way, and yes you should above all else remain true to yourself, don't change a thing.
For me I've said "take it slow" because men move so fast and then lose interest!
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