Taking it slow

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Taking it slow
35
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 12:50pm

I keep hearing from here and from some of the women I meet that they want to take "it" slow.

I wonder what the heck does that mean? I believe that there is a myth that it takes time to know a person. In some ways yes for I believe I need to know someone over the four seasons before I really feel like it's a long term, committed relationship. On the other hand, I trust my intuition and know fairly immediately on what sort of person I am dealing with and whether or not I want to continue to create a relationship with her.

Does slow mean seeing/talking with each other once a week? once ever couple of weeks? Keep the time with the other person down? Not talking about certain personal things until Date #x? No sex until Date #x? Or not be sexual or to kiss until after certain number of dates?

For me, I want to get to know the person. In order to do that, I believe if I see her often, talk to her about things that are meaningful to me (e.g. dreams, fears, joys, etc.), and share different experiences and environments with her. So does it matter if I do all that over a period of months rather than weeks or even days?

I suppose for most people slow means that their head or emotions need to catch up with each other and be in sync and that takes some time?

I guess I don't have that issue but seem to scare women when I do want to get know them within a short timeframe.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 12:24pm

I have had two women friends who were offerec trips to Paris.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 1:15pm

I was once called and asked to go on a trip

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 10:10pm

Mark, accept the rejection and grow from it. I have learned to accept and appreciate rejection. Learning to accept it and how to deal with it is a good thing. If you follow me. I tell my kid when she is afraid of going out for the elite soccer team that only 2 outcomes can happen from the tryouts and they are both good. One she can get on a team and two she can be rejected and have a chance to experience and learn to deal with rejection. If she doesnt learn to deal with rejection then life will be doubly hard for her. I think we all need to experience success and rejection.

I too make mistakes at work. But I have learned not to beat myself up over them and I have also learned to accept complements from coworkers when I do things right.

Jane seems to think you have wounds that need healing. Do you agree? I think that you are just different than most men and I mean that in the most positive way.

Aloha,

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 10:18pm

"Mark who is looking for that one woman who is going to offer to take him to Europe or willing to settle for Hawaii"

Jeez Mark thats my home state. I have local knowledge. I will tell you (or show you) where all the great places to go are and what to avoid.

aloha awakea
Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 8:54am

Mark, I think everyone's definition of slow is different. My XH would say he took it slow with his STB-NW3 (soon-to-be-new-wife-#3) but they saw each other all the time, literally, and he's only known her for about 9 months.

But here's my food for thought for you.... a quote I came across that really hit home with me.....

"One of the most important criterion that somebody needs to have healthy, happy, long term monogamy and family life is the ability to delay gratification."

Delayed gratification can mean alot of things..... but when I think of anything I want but that would hurt someone for me to have it RIGHT NOW, I put it into the "gratification later" category..... It really IS sweeter having waited for it!

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

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