Taz is slowly losing it again .....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Taz is slowly losing it again .....
38
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 6:31pm

Im not sure where to go from here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:18am

Wow. What you said makes PERFECT sense. I absolutely am about "there" in the feelings that there is very little hope left that he will ever get it together. & maybe i DO need to start making that known.


But yes, the courts still have the final decision. So what would be my options if they wont suspend visitation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:20am

There is a 72 hour hold one can be put on, into a psyc facility, for suicidal statements. But the ER docs would have to be convinced of that .... & honestly, I dont think (having been a psyc RN) his behavior & 1 statement, is enough to warrant it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:33am
Im glad it made sense what I wrote. I really feel for you guys. I think it is more than you just not helping set up visitations or accommodating him more. I have a feeling from what you have written here that you have been very generous and clear in statiing in front of him that he needs to get his act together and be there for her and that he is capable of that and will have to do it if he hopes to be in her life. That statement or ones like it insinuate that he is ABLE to do that. It doesnt look to me that he is able. Of course the doc will be stating that to him as well but if I were you I would be silent. And if you are asked by the courts or anyone else what you what your thoughts are with visitation I would change my tune at this point and think of responding more along the lines of "I feel he is a direct threat to her and to himself" and I would definitely not finish that sentence with "right now". He needs to hear you say that too. I know you want so badly for her to have a Dad but I wonder whether you have considered how you would feel or if you would feel differently if there was someone already wonderful in a step father position with Ave. What if you had remarried already and had a wonderful male presence in her life. Would you still be holding out hope despite his behavior? Or would you be writing him off and doing the minimum you have to based on the courts decisions? I think maybe your desire to give Ave the father she misses and wants so badly might cloud who he really is RIGHT NOW and what he is capable of. I pray that somehow you can get him into a 72 hr hold psych evaluation because of what he said to you and his behavior. It seems very clear that he is a danger to himself and others and I hope the psych can back you on this. I might even write the psych and ask what it would take to put that in place. The best thing for him and for Ave would be for him to not hurt himself. I dont know what the requirements are but if you and Ave both heard what he said and the doc was able to write a letter to his unstable and volatile behavior in sessions, that might be enough.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 12:03pm

((HUGS))

sorry I'm late to this thread. Geeze, I so hoped Taz was not as far gone as to make the psych visits pointless. Depression is treatable, the personality disorder is a much tougher problem. Do you really think he's suicidal, or is it just more of the need for drama, the need to turn everyone's focus back to him? He truly does not think about things from the same reality as the rest of us. Other people's feelings, even Ave's feelings just don't register. And it is so hard to get the court to protect a child from someone who is emotionally manipulative like Taz.

Hope you get a judge to do what is in Ave's best interest. At least she will be able to petition the court herself at 14 and no longer be forced to go if he's having a bad cycle. And maybe that is the way to explain Taz's behavior, he just has cycles where he is OK and where he is totally out there. It has nothing to do with her or anything she did.

And unfortunately, I have to agree with your friend. Someone with Taz's particular mental problems, particularly the obsession with self, would be very likely to make an attempt on his own life in front of Ave. He's got to have an audience, one that won't be able to stop him. He'd make an attempt fully expecting to survive it- the point would be to make you seem responsible, that you drove him to it. Not that you are responsible, but it is his perspective that will drive his actions.

Again, sorry the drama continues for you and Ave. Be strong.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 12:25pm

omg Rlch, chiming in late, but following and read all the post.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 12:31pm
I don't understand how they can make her go to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 1:02pm

Oh Rich, I am so sorry you and Ave are going through all of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 6:30pm

Update - Psyc called me & totally agreed he shouldnt have access to Averey. He said "He has GOT to realize the trauma his actions & words put her through".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 7:21pm

Okay, so we all know that Taz lives by his own

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 8:26pm
ITA it's ok for him to date but not Rebecca.