OMG - I wish i had some adivce. I DO have advice, but its almost impossible to give OR follow, b/c of the X. Is *he* aware of all the goings on, the co-ed sleepovers (& let me TELL YOU, that woman/mother would get a HUGE piece of my mind AND a copy of what she wrote, to prove it), the pot, etc?
I just dont know. I want to tell you to take away EVERYTHING she has - phone, computer, etc. But you have done that, & HE, her "father", just undermines it.
Oh wow - what a thing to read! You poor thing. I think you should go to a family therapist and seek guidance for what to do and then get your exh to go. I think you should show him her journal - but you better copy/paste/print because she will probably change it and you need proof.
I am so sorry to read what you are going through. I work with teens a lot in teaching violin and I sense there is a lot of this kind of thing going behind the scenes. They get to a certain age and the influences all around them are so strong. What I dont have any of in the studio for violin right now are single parents and I honestly think it is just a fluke but wow how that must complicate things. He SOOOO needs to back you up. What a lazy parent he is being and she can only be expected to lap that up at her age because even the best kid would only lean where the rules are easiest. The only advice I can think of to give you is that I definitely think you should make a copy of her journal and forward it to him even if it is just to scan it and send it in email, the portion that has you most up in arms. Then keep the sent email as proof that you informed him with it and keep the original journal in your possession. Like Rebecca, I would be livid at this other mother and I would approach her and let her know what you are aware of and that you want your daughter nowhere near it. She is contributing to their delinquency and is ignorant to do so - she better hope she isnt a grandma by next year!! Its one thing to realize you cant have lojack on them everywhere they go and that they can skip school and you wont know until the deed is done, its another thing to openly condone it by having co ed slumber parties and go to sleep while they are doing god knows what. What in the world is she thinking? I guess the other thing I thought was I wondered whether your DD has anyone that you know and trust that she is comfortable with and loves who she might be able to sit down and confide in. It might help if a trusted friend of the family had a sit down with her and found out how she is feeling about things and what is going on in her head. If you know of someone who fits that description, now would be a good time for them to put their godmother or godfather wings on. Sometimes even with my teenage girl students, they will come into their violin lessons and just start tearing up. Things have built up inside them to the point they just cant hold it anymore and I guess they trust me enough to let the tears flow. They also know that I am far enough separated from their house and family that I will listen and not judge and honestly try and lead them in a better direction so that they arent stuck in struggle. I always follow up with an email to the parent(s) and let them know what happened and they always thank me and feel grateful that I took the time out to let things get talked through. I firmly believe that nowadays it truly takes more than parents to raise children well. Everyone needs to be awake and ready to step in with all of the things they are exposed to so early. She may be too hostile right now to listen to anything you say but there should be someone else in the meantime for her to open up to. Some kids would never tell a counselor somethign they would tell a family friend and even if they did tell the counselor it might be weeks later after trust was established and time might not be on your side in every circumstance KWIM? BIG HUGS!! I think you have done everything right and this too will pass. I am sure my DS is going to be an absolute pistol in a few years...
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OMG - I wish i had some adivce. I DO have advice, but its almost impossible to give OR follow, b/c of the X. Is *he* aware of all the goings on, the co-ed sleepovers (& let me TELL YOU, that woman/mother would get a HUGE piece of my mind AND a copy of what she wrote, to prove it), the pot, etc?
I just dont know. I want to tell you to take away EVERYTHING she has - phone, computer, etc. But you have done that, & HE, her "father", just undermines it.
Oh wow - what a thing to read! You poor thing. I think you should go to a family therapist and seek guidance for what to do and then get your exh to go. I think you should show him her journal - but you better copy/paste/print because she will probably change it and you need proof.
I am so sorry he is not on the same page.
I guess the other thing I thought was I wondered whether your DD has anyone that you know and trust that she is comfortable with and loves who she might be able to sit down and confide in. It might help if a trusted friend of the family had a sit down with her and found out how she is feeling about things and what is going on in her head. If you know of someone who fits that description, now would be a good time for them to put their godmother or godfather wings on. Sometimes even with my teenage girl students, they will come into their violin lessons and just start tearing up. Things have built up inside them to the point they just cant hold it anymore and I guess they trust me enough to let the tears flow. They also know that I am far enough separated from their house and family that I will listen and not judge and honestly try and lead them in a better direction so that they arent stuck in struggle. I always follow up with an email to the parent(s) and let them know what happened and they always thank me and feel grateful that I took the time out to let things get talked through. I firmly believe that nowadays it truly takes more than parents to raise children well. Everyone needs to be awake and ready to step in with all of the things they are exposed to so early. She may be too hostile right now to listen to anything you say but there should be someone else in the meantime for her to open up to. Some kids would never tell a counselor somethign they would tell a family friend and even if they did tell the counselor it might be weeks later after trust was established and time might not be on your side in every circumstance KWIM?
BIG HUGS!! I think you have done everything right and this too will pass. I am sure my DS is going to be an absolute pistol in a few years...
I think you need to show it to your ex right away!
Her stepmom might actually be someone she could confide in.
ohhhh how i hear ya
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
I am so sorry Isys, children can cut so deeply into our hearts.
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