telling his daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
telling his daughter
3
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 4:43pm
I've been dating a man for over 6 months now. I have a 5 year old son- he has a 4 year old daughter. The kids meet for the first time this weekend. His daughter went home and couldn't stop talking about my son and I with his ex. The ex called and wants to discuss with him what and how to explain the topic of my son and I. I told him to explain that I am daddy's friend and we are dating. The ex feels this will "screw" up their daughter. Apparently, his daughter asks a lot more questions than my son and want more detail and honestly I'm stumped. Basically, I told my boyfriend his ex needs to just tell their daughter that Daddy has a girlfriend and she has a son. Any more advice????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:51pm

4 years old is really young. Younger still is your relationship at just 6 months. For right now I wouldn't sweat it - I would explain to her that you are daddy's friend and leave it at that. In time if it is meant to be she will figure it out.

Chances are that the little girl uses the term "playdate" - and that is what daddy has - a playdate. Sounds like she gets lucky to get your son as a playdate, too.

That makes it all sound safe to the 4 year old. I mean, you don't want her freaking out that you are replacing her mother. At least if I was you that is what I would want to do.

Isn't it funny that the little girl who is younger is asking more questions about the relationship than the little boy? Geez - we all start early worrying about this stuff ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:44am

He should have prepped his daughter ahead of time, but that's over now. What I would say isn't that daddy has a girlfriend- instead, that "daddy has a friend, and her son is someone you can play with too sometimes." This makes it light and easy for her to understand.

If she continues to ask questions, he should answer them, but in an age appropriate way.

My daughter will be 6 in a few weeks, and although funnyguy doesn't have kids, she gets that he's my friend, in fact, she asked if he was my boyfriend, but I don't offer any more than she asks for.

I also talked about him lightly before they met, so he wasn't completely foreign to the kids, and when we're all together, we keep the touchy feely stuff completely out of the picture. Actually, that's probably because the kids are too busy playing, and funnyguy usually joins them in a game or diverts their attention away from him and me and more onto him and them.

My kids have always known that I have a lot of friends, including male ones, and sometimes our house feels like it has a revolving door- my friends are in and out a lot, and have always been. We also visit them a lot, and since most of them do have kids, it isn't odd at all for anyone to come over. Droid, my son, is 8, and he isn't as questioning, so maybe it's a girl thing. Droid simply goes about his business, and he and funnyguy talk about wrestlers and sports.

So, I guess I don't know if I've helped, but I would say keep it light, answer her questions, and don't try to make excuses or over explain. She's a young child, and will ask for the info she wants.

Moody, trying to be helpful


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:51pm

I agree with the other posters - I would just explain that daddy has a friend. I think girlfriend is a wee bit too much to perceive. I would say that daddy's friend is a mommy and you get to play with her son sometimes. I would likely leave it at that.

Sometimes less is more. I have a feeling she will be happy with that explanation.

Rose

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