Telling a man you are a mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2008
Telling a man you are a mom
13
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 8:34pm

Hello ladies,


I am new on the board and I am trying to find someone out there that can empathize from my standpoint.


I am a mother of two boys and have been divorced now for over 1 yr.


I am starting to meet men and don't know when the time is right to tell them I have children?


Any suggestions?

DragonflyAlli

Pages

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 8:44pm

The way I see it, if your intent is just to date and have fun and not get in any serious relationships then there is no reason to tell them that you are a mom.

When arranging dates, etc. and if there is a conflicting scheduling issue because of childcare or kid problems or kids' soccer games, etc. then I would tell them that.

Of course before you have sex with the guy then it is better to 1) make sure that it is exclusive (as well have the usual STD protection/testing) and 2) know about each other's personal situation/life, e.g. kids.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 8:52pm

I usually would slip it into the conversation topic with a, "yeah, my kids like that as well..." and see how they react.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 5:51am
My opinion - immediately. It is something to be proud of and attracts the right person for you plus the guy appreciates the honesty. I work it into the conversation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 7:59am
I agree with West here. I feel like I wouldnt be able to really be myself if I werent mentioning my son in the first conversation. Being his mom is so much a part of my identity and I am far from the traditional mom - work full time, travel, friends, etc but still - my role in his life sits right at the core of me. I have never wanted to really date just for fun though. I can date myself just for fun, lol!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 8:32am

"I can date myself just for fun, lol!"

AGREED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:15am
its weird but I have never understood the dating for fun concept. I didnt really date until I was close to 20 because I was so focused on my music so maybe this is why. I never did the whole college thing staying out late and partying. I still to this day feel weird in huge groups drinking. In fact, I dont drink really for the most part so I end up feeling even more strange being the only one sober. At bars I would feel the same. I really have never put myself out there to date unless I was prepared to fall in love and take it into a relationship. I certainly have male friends and we go out but that to me is not dating because there is no romantic element to it at all. I feel like there isnt enough time in the day already for me, my son, my business, my family...the list goes on. If I am taking time to just go out and date men I have no intention of following through with just to feel sexy or free or have physical contact - I think that diminishes me somehow. And it takes time away from things that definitely yield a return so to speak like spending extra time with DS or learning a new concerto on my violin or spending the day with my Dad. I imagine single parents feel more this way than those who dont have kids but maybe it is just me...
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:28am
I tell them right away.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 10:04am

Welcome to the board, Dragonfly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:47pm

Hi and welcome!!


I am 36 and I am a mother of 1 little girl who is 6.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 8:55pm

Thank you mhash:


So here is a scenario:


I'm at Starbucks having a coffee enjoying a book.

DragonflyAlli

Pages