Telling a man you are a single mom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Telling a man you are a single mom?
13
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 1:24am

Hi Ladies! I am new at this, so please bare with me... I was seperated for 3 years and now I am newly divorced and guilt free to date. I am a 28 yr old single mother of a 4 year old boy, and I am at a loss for when the best time is to mention to a potential date that I am a single mother.

I do not have a problem meeting men, I just feel awkward throwing it out from the jump? Can you give me any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:00am
Depends on how I meet the person. If I meet them through a friend, then I assume that they know I am a single mom. If I meet the person on my own like at a bar or club, I work it into the conversation. If they ask me what I am doing next week, I tell them I am available "pending I find a babysitter". That usually does it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:23am
I let it be known ASAP. Having a kid helps weed out the guys who are shallow. They run as soon as they can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:28am
It's part of who I am so it comes out when I describe myself. I am a 34 year old mom to a beautiful 4 1/2 year old little girl. It's more important than telling a new person what I do for a living and what I do for fun and entertainment. It doesn't have to be mentioned in the first sentence, but it's at the top of the list of things to tell a new person.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:51am

I agree with all of these posts here. Your child is a special treasure and a bonus. This does indeed help weed out the losers.

I always try to bring it up right away but in a positive manner and as part of the conversation - like - oh - my son would love to do this too.

I have never had a problem with being a single mom. A lot of nice women are in this boat. I have a guy friend who is 40 and never married and he says that he expects that most women he dates now will have a child.

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 10:23am

Hi, I also try to work it into the conversation as soon as I can because I don't want to waste my time having a conversation with a man I could never bring myself to date.




http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:27am

If I were setting up a date with someone who didn't know me, I'd probable make sure that they knew I had to "get a sitter" for the evening out. That would prompt the discussion.


MOST men that I dated already knew I had a child. Either from a friend (who was putting a bug in his ear about me and my "singleness") or from pictures on my desk at work, or in making small talk. In small talk (which was always precursor to a request for a date for me) my ds almost always came up.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 2:39pm

Notifying potential dates that I'm a single Dad and the PCP weeds out the non-serious women too! They seem to fall into two categories....

1) They have their own kids and want me to help raise them, but don't want to do the same with mine.

2) They've never been married or had kids, and don't want them now, or don't comprehend what it means to have them...(no more weekend trips every weekend).

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 7:55pm

>>Having a kid helps weed out the guys who are shallow<<

Single mothers are bad marriage prospects.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:06pm

I usually would mention ds in the first few mins casually throwing it in like, "my son said to me this morning..."

I was at a friend's wedding a few years back and I was waiting for my mom to pick me up afterward, and this guy starts chatting me up. I was being polite, but looking up the street every so often for my ride. He asked what I was looking for, I told him, and he then proceeded to offer me a ride home. I said, "thanks, but I'm waiting for my mom, she has my son with her". I SWEAR you could hear the brakes go on in his head, he could NOT get away from me fast enough- it was too funny!

But any guy who has a problem with you having a kid isn't worth being with anyway!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 12:59am

>>>But any guy who has a problem with you having a kid isn't worth being with anyway!<<<

Exactly. He's entitled to his opinion and it's good to know what his opinion is right away!

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