TG - sweet or too sweet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
TG - sweet or too sweet
17
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 1:15am

Hmmm... it's been one week of dating... He's cooked for me, waited on me hand and foot, carries me everywhere, and tonight he took me out to dinner... and then thanked ME... after the date he sent me a text saying "I miss you already." Again I ask is he being too sweet or is he genuine? Ya know the saying if something is too good to be true, it usually is...


I think i'm going to check out the signs of an abuser list again.... just to be sure i'm not overlooking something...Perhaps he's just really smitten... He says, he can't stop thinking about me... I went to his house last night... he said he was cooking chicken nuggets... i said, hey make a couple extra for me.... when i got there he had made me dinner... started with the salad with homemade crutons. And he served me... okay,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 8:13am
He sounds nice so far and is certainly into you. And speaking fondly of his mom is a great attribute, too. I guess I would want to take it easy and see how he is over time and how he treats others. Do your values match? I like how he is taking good care of you! How is your foot?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:25am

Interesting...


It could be that he is going too fast, and going to be "too much" for you- where he simply smothers you because he makes YOU the center of his world, where YOU are the only reason he lives... etc etc- with no life of his own outside of you.


Or he is just caught up in the excitement of something new and he's riding the wave for what it's worth- and enjoying every minute together. And he really genuinely likes you (although IMO, it's too early for either one of you to REALLY KNOW each other yet)- he does like what he knows about you so far, and is putting all his energies into it. It's both a good and a bad thing, possibly.


I still say that if your gut is giving you questions like it is- when you are wondering if it's "too much" (or "too" anything)... then it's time to slow it down and have caution. Enjoy the time, sure- but slow it down. Don't see each other EVERY day. I would also say no sex either- but that's me... because I tend to think that sex can cloud judgment and make relationships/emotions seem bigger than they are, before they are actually anything real yet. His comments about sex being "best he's ever had" is fitting along those lines. He is definitely caught up!!! But only time will tell on that one. There's just NO way to know for sure without simply seeing how he is over time (and how YOU feel about him over time, too).


The warmth he has for his mom is good. Definitely good- because my ex never had anything nice to say about his own mother, whether it be his biological one, or his aunt who raised him as his mom (the one I know as his mom), or even MY mom... seems like no mom could do anything right to my ex. I should've run once I realized that one, but I didn't realize how much of a clue that was until I was already married (and a mom myself). So anyway- loving his mom without bitterness... is a good sign.


It's only been a week (and you're not "normal" during this week, either- with that broken foot) so you don't know what it would be like when it's all NORMAL. So give it TIME. And no more jumping into anything until some more time has passed. Whether it be to let your emotions run rampant with his... or to lead him on, thinking it's more than it is at this point, even as you are keeping your wits about you and holding back.


I just remember allowing the "fun wave" to run rampant when I was with Marlboro Man several years ago. He was overwhelming and fun and we got along great... but if I didn't slow him down, he was practically moving in with me just by showing up and being with me ALL the time!!!!!! It was nuts! I enjoyed it for what it was- but when I realized that he was seeing it for more than what it was... I had to stop him completely (as my attempts to slow him down didn't work; he ignored boundaries) and broke up with him. Just don't find yourself in that sticky situation like I did back then... by not letting him go overboard on you NOW- and keep things slow. You can always speed things up later when you are more sure- but it's impossible to slow things down later without breaking it off. BTDT...


~shrimpy, happy for you but cautious too- as it's only been one week!

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 11:47am

Sounds like you are off to a fast and exciting start Loony.

I can relate to what TG has been doing because if I found someone (especially having amazing sex) that I really click with then I would be the same ... well not QUITE the same but I am the same way. In the past, I've scared off several women because of that behavior.

I think it is because I have met many women, I have done my own personal work, I am ready to have a relationship, and I am fearless in doing so for life is short. Most women want to take it slow, explore, hold back, still have their (we all do) baggage to deal with, etc.

I know that I need to slow down and match their same approach but I keep letting my excitement carry me away. In fact my Japanese friend who just turned 60 and only sees me a day or two a year tells me I need to slow down so even she knows that about me.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 5:19pm

I looked at a couple pharmacies yesterday to buy an aircast... ya know, so that i can walk on my foot and not have to use crutches anymore... i didn't find it.... but i found it online and purchased it! Yeah, I'm excited to be getting it tues or wed next week... and I don't need to take pain medication anymore.... it's feeling much better.


As for TG, i'm going to start observing the "how he treats others" thing... like waitresses etc. My ex for example treated wait help very poorly.... and none of my friends liked him from the start... when i read the "signs to look for" article it said, how they treat waitresses and other people is how they will treat you in six months. so far i haven't seen anything of concern....


We had a difference of opinion about politics... like i'm voting for hillary and he's a big mccain fan... he talked badly about her because of the clinton/monica scandal... but that's not a red flag, everyone has a different political viewpoint.


And he hasn't called today... which is a good thing. he knows this is my weekend with the children... He seems to be respecting that time....


loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 5:36pm

Oh sweetie, I totally get your hesitation and "is it too good to be true?" feeling!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 5:48pm

Thanks for the input... at this point, i'm believing he's just caught up in the beginning stages as i don't have other warnings to go along with it.... yes, i know sex clouds the judgement... i don't feel like it's clouded mine this time but i'll admit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:16pm
thanks for the guy perspective mark.... it's nice to know that sometimes when someone is being sweet it isn't part of a manipulative tactic.... it just is what it is.... that's refreshing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:58pm

Loony - He sounds like a very nice guy and he treats you with respect.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 2:01pm

Loony,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 6:39pm

minimize sex???? what... but it keeps getting better and better...lol.... i feel guilty now that i didn't slow him down from the beginning.... He intends to take me out to dinner some time this week during my work dinner break... (which is what he did for me Friday).... and since i have to go back to work... it doesn't end in sex. We had a very nice time at dinner the last time... where he talked about his career... He used to be a CHEF... i'm never going to cook for him, now...


this is an example of his sweetness... he sent me a text saying "Hey baby! Just thinking about u, hope ur having a good day!" and i replied. "Thanks! I'm busy today. You've made me smile. :-)" And he replied.. "That's all i wanted"


How sweet!!!!


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