Things are at a standstill
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| Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:08pm |
Briefly, i had posted here before about a man ive been seeing for 3mths. We only see each other once a week and during that time its a short date. Usually a couple of hours. We dont see each other all week long because we both work, etc. but he doesnt make an effort to see me Sundays either which is our only day off together. so this has been bothering me and I expressed to him the other day that Id like to spend more time together, that daily phone calls and once a week for an hr or so really wasnt much time. His response was we are both busy with our kids, working, etc. and he blew it off. What this tells me is he's happy with the little time we spend together, it works for him.
Fast forward to this weekend, his xwife had a bday party for their daughter which he attended. X is seeing a man and my "friend" was all upset about going over. he did not invite me to attend, but I understood. Then his family had a 2nd party following night, i was not invited to that either. So.....I went out with an old friend of mine for dinner Sat nite, we hadnt seen each other in 22 yrs. We dated when we were 19/20 yrs old and it was great seeing him. We spent 7 hrs together...talked and talked and more talk. When my friend called me yest to see how my weekend was I told him it was great and that i had dinner with this guy. He said, oh, that's nice, did you have fun? I said yes I did, it was great seeing him after all this time and he took me out to dinner. He didnt react one way or the other. this man after 3mths of seeing each other and knowing each other for over a yr considers us as "good friends" having fun. What the hell does that mean? Im beginning to feel that Im just someone for him to talk to when he gets lonely or someone to get a little attention from once a week. What do you guys think? I havent heard a peep out of him today which is unusual, he's usually called me 2x by now. Might I add that he never bothered to call me over the weekend because he was busy with his parties but then left me 4 messages yesterday. After the 4th message I called him back. thanks for listening, i know im rambling but im very frustrated and confused with things that he's told me/future plans that always seem to include me yet he cant give me any of his time. Any thoughts?

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Are you two an official couple? Exclusive and all?
So far it sounds like he's uncertain or hesitant and you are overanalyzing. A dangerous combination!
I'd give him space, let the relationship breathe, and when he calls, let him know you'd like to clarify some things about where you stand, that you're confused.
Sounds frustrating. good luck. :)
He didn't get upset that you went out with another man over the weekend?!?? Well, that says alot. Either he doesn't care, or he just simply trusts you, knowing that it was just dinner with an old friend, and not anything threatening.
But that comment that he thinks of you two as "good friends"... I think you should just lay low with this guy and see what happens. No more asking for more time and see what he does. I think maybe you're right, that he is okay with a part-time girlfriend and not really looking for a full relationship. If you're wanting more than that, then he isn't the right one for you.
You both should be on the same page. If you're okay with the occasional date and being "good friends"- then that's all good, But I sense that you're wanting something bigger and more than he wants.
**Edited to add**
With Hiker and I, we've also had times when we might go on one date each week too. Because we were busy with work, kids, home stuff, whatever- and our dating ends up at the bottom of the to-do list. But it's not a long-term thing, just a bump in a busy road. So I don't know if that is a true sign of trouble or not- maybe you guys really are just that busy! But the "good friends" comment... that says more to me than how often you date or talk, IMO.
~shrimpy
Edited 8/6/2007 4:49 pm ET by shrimpychimps
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I agree with what Shrimps says.
I think if he just wants a part time girlfriend and you want a full time boyfriend, something has to give.
If you are not officially exclusive then maybe you would be free to date the nice guy you saw over the weekend?
Keep us posted. This is a big beef of mine as well.
So is he single, thinking about him, and possibly over analyzing everything else because of it?
I don't want to waste my time talking about the supposid boyfriend of yours, because it's obvious you need to get some space between that and of course that means I agree with what everyone else said. So let's stop wasting space and tell me about Mr. Weekend.
So you wanna know about Mr. Weekend??? Well we dated when we were 19 yrs old for about a year but he was in the navy, committed for 6yrs. It was so hard seeing so little of each other that I broke things off. We remained in touch here and there by phone and 5 yrs after we broke up I visited him in FL and stayed with him for a few days. We continued to talk off and on by phone but never saw each other again. I then met my now X husband and did not contact him for the 19 yrs I was married. Last year I called him and we began talking by phone again but he was involved in a relationship with someone so we never saw each other. He called for Christmas/New Years, I called him for his birthday in March and we had a few conversations by phone over the last few mths. Anyways, with my current situation not entirely working for me and the fact that my current friend was busy all weekend with his daughters bday parties (which I wasnt invited to) I decided to give my old pal a call. I basically said, hey, we've been friends our whole life, we live 45 minutes from each other, when are we getting together. He immediately responded how bout this weekend and I said yes, what day, he said Saturday and the rest is history! He picked me up ON TIME, we chatted at my house for about an hour or so then went out for dinner. We left the restaurant at 12:00am!! They were turning on all the lights, vacuuming, etc. but we just sat there talking, laughing, reiminicing, it was all so great. he looks the same, except no mustache and he told me I looked so great that I looked 10 yrs younger than i actually am!!! And he seemed sincere, lol. After dinner, we went back to my place but never made it out of the driveway. He had the top down on the car and we looked up at the stars and talked for another hour and a half! I finally said to him at 2am I need to get inside and youve got a long drive home. He said what a great time he had and that he wanted to see me again. I agreed and told him Id love to. We talked the next night again by phone for over an hr and it was great. We are the same age, he briefly married a woman but divorced after 2 yrs, and admitted to me that he never should have married her. He never had children, doesnt talk about his xwife or xgirlfriends, very little baggage in that respect, so its all good. Im not sure if we have a future together but one things for sure, we are friends, longtime friends and he will always have a place in my life no matter who Im dating. Thats just how it is.
I did see my current guy last night, we went for a ride on his motorcycle, i actually did it! When we were sitting at the beach talking he asked for a second time about this guy so I told him we used to be an item when we were kids and it was great seeing him again afater 22 years. He wasnt angry or pressing me, but its obvious he was curious that someone else spent some time with me. My current doesnt give me a whole lotta time, lately we dont do much of anything as far as going out, trouble is, I really really like him and my feelings for him just complicate things because he is not meeting my needs and doesnt seem to understand that. He's nice to me, we laugh, we get along great, we enjoy each others company, we dont fight, its just that we dont spend a whole lotta time together and he talks about his xwife a lot, although he swears to me there is nothing going on. She calls him all the time and I think thats unnecessary and the fact that he takes her calls is unacceptable. So anyways, we will see how things unfold, so frustrating when your in the thick of it. We always seem to want what we cant have or whats so hard to get. Maybe things will work out with Mr. Weekend, who knows. Wish me luck!!
I am sending you a clover for good luck. So does that mean Mr. Weekend isn't with anyone right now?
I can see where you aren't ready to give things up, but the whole X wife thing for me (been their done that) would be a NO GO for me. I got so sick of my x boyfriend M having the X wife in his life every minute and even though he said he was over it all, he would still talk about the situation of her cheating on him, etc. It was just plain nerving.
So definitely keep us posted and thanks for the great update! Sounds like a wonderful date.
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