Things are at a standstill

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Things are at a standstill
13
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:08pm

Briefly, i had posted here before about a man ive been seeing for 3mths. We only see each other once a week and during that time its a short date. Usually a couple of hours. We dont see each other all week long because we both work, etc. but he doesnt make an effort to see me Sundays either which is our only day off together. so this has been bothering me and I expressed to him the other day that Id like to spend more time together, that daily phone calls and once a week for an hr or so really wasnt much time. His response was we are both busy with our kids, working, etc. and he blew it off. What this tells me is he's happy with the little time we spend together, it works for him.

Fast forward to this weekend, his xwife had a bday party for their daughter which he attended. X is seeing a man and my "friend" was all upset about going over. he did not invite me to attend, but I understood. Then his family had a 2nd party following night, i was not invited to that either. So.....I went out with an old friend of mine for dinner Sat nite, we hadnt seen each other in 22 yrs. We dated when we were 19/20 yrs old and it was great seeing him. We spent 7 hrs together...talked and talked and more talk. When my friend called me yest to see how my weekend was I told him it was great and that i had dinner with this guy. He said, oh, that's nice, did you have fun? I said yes I did, it was great seeing him after all this time and he took me out to dinner. He didnt react one way or the other. this man after 3mths of seeing each other and knowing each other for over a yr considers us as "good friends" having fun. What the hell does that mean? Im beginning to feel that Im just someone for him to talk to when he gets lonely or someone to get a little attention from once a week. What do you guys think? I havent heard a peep out of him today which is unusual, he's usually called me 2x by now. Might I add that he never bothered to call me over the weekend because he was busy with his parties but then left me 4 messages yesterday. After the 4th message I called him back. thanks for listening, i know im rambling but im very frustrated and confused with things that he's told me/future plans that always seem to include me yet he cant give me any of his time. Any thoughts?

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 4:29pm

I say you make other plans for yourself tonight. Got anyone to call up? Then take the challenge. I encourage you to do this and have some fun. If Mr. Lazy (that's my nickname for him) does decide to call by 6pm and you don't have anything else planned, let him know you'll meet him at.....

If he says no, he's too tired, say, well, I would like to do something and get out, if you don't want to go, I'll go on my own.

If he calls at 7 or 7:30, I wouldn't even answer the phone. You can leave him a text at 6:30 letting him know you are out for the evening but welcome for him to join you.

Make sure you take the lead. If by chance Mr. High School is free this evening, I would DEFINITELY just go with that and not worry about the rest. Send a text to Mr. Lazy and let him know you have "other" plans.

Do NOT sit at home. You don't deserve the last minute treatment.

Again, sign yourself up for the challenge. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:11pm
Just an update, my friend and I went out Friday night, he called promptly at 5:30 and we had a nice quiet dinner, food was good, company was great and we had a nice time. After that we went for a couple of drinks at a place not far from where we had dinner. The night continued on as we went back to my house for a nice swim in the pool. The evening was perfect in every way, it always is when we are together, then its back to seeing him the following week. Today he came by my office because i got him a side job to maintain the lawn here. I happened to be outside when he arrived so he came over to say hello to me. After he was done he didnt even say goodbye, just left. I thought well maybe cause he was dirty/sweaty, etc. but hell, he could have called my cell and said im leaving, wanted to say bye. I think that would have been the polite thing to do. I am halfway between screaming and crying im so upset. We get close, he pulls away, my head is spinning. I really like this guy and my feelings are all over the place today. I had next to no sleep last night, yeah i was thinking about him and how im sick of sleeping alone, how i want more and it kept me awake. Then this happens, Im lost for words. Its no wonder trust doesnt come easy for me, i constantly feel disappointed by him lately but when we are together everything is beyond great. HELP!!!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:52pm
odd........
I think you are very tired today so you are over analyzing. I am sure he'll call tonight, but I do think it is strange how he just pops up and goes. At least he came by yesterday to say hello. He maybe thought it would not look good if someone thought you both were dating in your office environment. I would just hold off a little bit and see what happens. Don't contact him, give him some space, but if he calls on Thursday to see if you can go out on Friday, I would really hesitate. Don't give in everytime he calls to plan things with you at the last minute. I know you both have a great time, but I would pull away JUST a little bit. It seems you have issues with him and it might be a good idea to just try to do some other things for yourself and keep yourself a little busy with stuff instead of letting your mind drive you nuts. Ya know? And you know what? I definitely know it's easier said then done! Hugs to you darlin!



Edited 8/14/2007 2:02 pm ET by myprecioustwo

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