Things are Weird I Guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Things are Weird I Guess
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Thu, 04-06-2006 - 7:25pm

Well...not to new guy keeps calling and coming into my work. I mean, he always comes into work (even before we had started dating) during the evening, but now he's coming by himself for lunch and sitting in my section. Last night I worked a double and he came in twice. He was talking to one of the other girls and she gave me crap about it. Apparently he kept telling her his sob story. He told her that he just really liked me, was falling in love with me, and that he just got scared and that was why he was being to mean to me. - Come on...the guy is almost 33 years old and acting like a kid. You're not mean to people that you like! Anyway, this girl got mad at me b/c she said that I was being mean to him, etc. - Come on! Let's be adults here! So, while he was sitting at the bar, messing with me every time I passed to check on my tables he would try and stop me or grab my arm, etc. Before I left I told him that he was being rude and childish. I told him that I didn't go to his work and start crap w/ his co-workers and that I didn't appreciate him doing it to me. Well...that set him off and he cursed me, very loudly, in front of everyone that I work with, my managers, and the customers. I was glad that I had clocked out and was leaving, otherwise I would've had to put up with him even more. After I left he blew up my phone calling and apologizing (leaving messages - I didn't answer). So, he came in today, didn't even eat, and just sat there!

On a different note, crush came in last night too. We've been talking, only as friends, and I feel okay with that. I guess when you don't act like you want someone anymore (which I don't) and you're just "you," then they realize what they missed out on. So, he sent me an email last night asking me if we could start dating again and go out some time. I haven't responded yet, which I'm going too, esp. since I still do like him, but I don't really want to be with him. I guess I just contradicted myself, huh? He's just a hard habit to break I guess. But...I know that if I go out with him on a date then old feelings are going to get in the way, and I don't want to run into that again if nothing is going to come of it, you know? I don't mean a serious relationship, but he really did hurt me and I just don't want to go through that again. But...what if he does miss me and wants to be with me? Whatever the case, if we do go out...I'm not going to sleep with him again, I have already decided that!

As for the doctor guy, I'm having a good time with him. We've talked about things and I told him that I wasn't ready for some full blown serious relationship. I told him that I would just like to date, casually, and just see where things go.

When it comes down to it, I'm not ready for some heavy relationship. I think that during this entire year following my divorce I felt that I was missing something, and I just figured it was that companionship that I missed/wanted/needed. However, I think I was just missing me...lol. During the whole entire separation/divorce process, and even through the whole bad marriage, I lost who I was/am. I need this time to take "me" into consideration, and I'm going to use it. I realize that I don't NEED anyone to make me happy. And when and if I do get in a relationship, it's going to be on my terms, not anyone else's. I think I'm doing good right now. I'm spending time with my daughter, who needs it so very much, working, being able to pay my bills (in full for a first...lol), going to school, and just being happy with who I am for the first time in a VERY VERY long time.

As for singing the national anthem, I meet with the committee this coming Tuesday...wish me luck...I'm excited! I'm auditioning not only for the PBR, but for our 4 day rodeo (where famous country singers come to perform as well) in August! I'm excited!!!

Kait

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 7:53pm
Kait, you have so much on your plate, I wish I could take some of it for you! The thing is, though, you're handling it beautifully.
As far as NSNG, I think at this point, all you can really do is ignore him until he either goes away or gets worse, at which point, you need to call the authorities, because that would be stalking, or harrassing. It is really annoying that he bothers you at work- can you ask your manager to ask him to leave if he isn't eating? I know when I was in the restaurant business we had a no loitering policy, which we fully implemented for cases such as these. Does your work have the same type of poilcy, or could one be put in place if he becomes too much of a bother? I don't want to scare you, and right now he sounds like he's just being childish and immature, but you never know, and why take the chance?
As far as the Doc, everything there sounds great, and it sounds like you know exactly what you need for YOU, which is awesome.
Sing your heart out, Kait, and enjoy that time with your baby girl, she'll only be little for so long!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:24pm

Kait,


I would talk to your manager at work and tell them that you're having problems with the guy who keeps coming in.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:25pm

Hi Kaitlyn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 9:46am

Kait, it sounds like you really have your head on straight. I agree with everybody else. You need to talk to your manager about this guy. You don't want it to turn into something ugly. What a jerk!

Stay away from crush. He is playing you and you know it! You deserve alot better than that. You know it too! ;-)

Keep us posted on the doc. He sounds like a nice guy. Let us know how your auditions go and pat yourself on the back for some really mature and smart decisions!
Stephanie

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 2:51pm

Hi darlin,


Congrad's on the singing! I think it's awesome! You gotta tell me when we can catch you live on TV. :) Why did you never try for IDOL! LOL


Anyway here is my two cents; short but sweet.


Mr. Wierdo is a stalker. He seems potentially dangerous as well. He needs to be taken care of and warned. Let the authorities give him a little talking too. Especially since he is touching you!! NO NO NO!!! That can't be happening. If your manager can't handle this guy then someone needs too. I definitely think he isn't someone to fool with.


Speaking of FOOLING with someone! Leave CRUSH alone! NO GO here! Didn't I tell you this would happen? Stay away from that creep. You really like him, you were ready for a relationship with him, etc etc he dumped all over you and NOW


when you have what seems like a nice stable doctor knocking on your door, You say "NO THANK YOU?" I don't want a serious relationship? But you did with crush. You still doooooo. So what is keeping you from the Doc? Please explain, because I would love to have check my vital signs. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:28pm

Good question about the doc. So...here I go, and please please please don't think that I'm horrible.

Okay...yes, I do like him. But, for one thing, he's very intense. His idea of dating means that you can't see anyone else, you have to talk every single day, and even go out every day. When we first started dating in December, within 2 weeks he professed his love for me. That scared the living daylights out of me. I keep telling him that this go round has to be very slow, and that we are just DATING, which doesn't mean that we are "together" - that we're just seeing what's there and taking it one day at a time.

So...what else?

Well...he's foreign. Not that that's a big deal, but I hate the fact that every time we do go out everyone freaking stares at us like we're aliens or something. I don't care that he's a different race than me, but it seems like everyone else in this small minded town that I live in does. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but I hate walking into a restaurant and everyone turning and looking. It wouldn't be so bad if they would stop, but they just go on and on and on. It's to the point where even doc himself is mentioning it.

So, please don't think bad about me for feeling a little awkward when it comes to that aspect of the "relationship."

Don't get me wrong, I do like him a lot, but he is REALLY intense for the most part. So, I'm holding back mainly to do with that...you know. Who knows...lol.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 4:34pm

DARLIN! No one would think that was horrible. LOL. You have a gut feeling that this guy just ain't it and you AREN'T INTO HIM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:33pm
Kait,
In my (albeit limited) experience, foreign guys tend to move a little more quickly and sort of jump right in with both feet, as far as dating goes. I've noticed they often move a lot faster than I am ready to, want a lot more than I do out of the relationship, and get serious more quickly.
So, don't get discouraged with him too quickly, just explain to him your expectations a little more clearly. It may be a cultural thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:57pm

It sounds to me after reading all of the posts here that:
- the wierdo needs to be firmly stopped
- the crush needs to be forgotten
- and that the doctor isn't quite right for you given your hesitation and his intensity.

But your head is on straight and you are going in the right direction. Keep us posted!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 10:11pm

Kait,


I agree with the others about everything.


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